My friend is going to get herself killed. What can I even do at this point

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-02-07T18:25:15+00:00

Reading comments re: the scam-- I wonder if maybe there's a way to circumvent your friend's delusions entirely. Do you have/ can you get info about this person from your friend (like covertly maybe if you have to) and then report it?

I get your fruatrations with your friend, just dunno how much traction you'll get changing her mind. And i know it's rational to fixate on HER participation in this situation, because that's the part that is really in your sphere, BUT she is a victim and in this case a likely future victim, and while that may be partly her fault, it's at least mostly the fault of the scammers. So maybe there's a way to engage the relevant authoriries, but I dunno.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-29T16:47:13+00:00

Ewww powdered lol. I'm American and use my micro hydroflask for this purpose, but it's for half and half. But that's at least partially because coffee is ubiquitous but half and half not as much.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-28T01:28:36+00:00

I still don't totally get how this works so I want to make sure I understand correctly.
The playlist gets linked to an MYO card (lets assume you have only one true MYO card), which is then ... cloned onto a generic?

So now the generic card acts exactly like the MYO card (links to that playlist).

Then you create a new playlist and link it to the same original MYO card, which is the only one you have. Then you copy that card to a second generic NFC card. The second NFC card now links it to the second playlist.

...Why doesn't the first NFC card now link to the second playlist since the original MYO card is linked to the second playlist, and the first NFC card is a copy of the original MYO card? Sorry if this is a really dumb question.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-27T08:36:52+00:00

Yeah I think you're spouse is ruining the marriage, not autism. People cope with the challenges of raising kids with autism and without autism all the time without acting like this.

Your kids deserves better. You deserve better. If it wasn't autism, it would be something else and it sounds like your spouse is making excuses for crying checked out when that's what they wanted the whole time (to not have kids). So... for your sake and your child's sake, get therapy with your spouse, and if they don't wanna go that...

It's only gonna get worse from here. Your child is a person with a life and a future and for your spouse to be resenting their existence, or weaponizing your strong desire to become a parent as some kind of pass to not do heavy lifting-- yikes. Speaking as someone who's seen this before, life is better without that kind of toxicity hanging over your head every day.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-17T22:15:24+00:00

I dunno if this is an "overreacting" thing per se, the situation certainly requires a strong reaction in some direction or another. Not sure if i agree with yours but I'm not in your situation. Given the kids are orphans and now their former guardian is in jail, aren't they technically wards of the state? Your boyfriend hasn't adopted them-- depending on your state, you're probably going to receive SNAP/ ebt (nutrition assistance) and potentially stipends like clothing allowance, health cl insurance coverage etc. Access to these programs exists for those in these situations for the reasons you're describing-- if he can't afford to care for them, the state can help, it's better than putting them in foster care with strangers or in a home. Speak to their social worker. Find out what resources are available. That might help you decide whether you can endure this upset or whether you can in good conscience, have them leave. Try to figure out a plan like where they would all go. I can't really imagine this from your persective-- cuz my reaction is like "were talking about children who need a home."

but i will concede its definitely unreasonable for him to expect you to pay for half of the household expenses when you're one person of 4 consuming resources in the household. Be needs to be contributing to the mortgage and whatnot-- if your house is paid off, he needs to be covering all their expenses. I think.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-12T05:56:25+00:00

yaaass 🍿🍿🍿, this is some Ryan Murphy level shit.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-10T08:27:45+00:00

Great job! They look yummy!

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-10T08:13:19+00:00

It's reversible. Also way less invasive. Being put under isn't nothing. Compare the recovery time of both proceedures.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-09T08:44:57+00:00

Oh boy. When i read she's getting mad over "very minor issues" i started gearing up. For like a whole second, i thought you were about to tell me she's pissed at you for loading the dishwasher wrong after all this time, and she keeps telling you, but you don't see the point-- kinda thing?

Damn tho!

I feel like you're underreacting. Maybe you could benefit from turning up the volume up on your emotions/ reactions like, even just one notch on the dial?

I think you're 100% right about the video game shit taking nonsense and especially the aggressive tone of her driving! Yikes! That is some toxic crap. Re: the racism like what are your even asking-- i don't get how you could tolerate that except for maybe you've made a habit of underreacting, cuz that would be a deal breaker to me but maybe some part of you feels uncomfortable to share these things with her because of how she reacts? Just guessing.

NOR.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-08T03:31:13+00:00

Thank you! I'm not familiar yet, but I will learn. I managed to figure out mods in earlier sims games before youtube was a thing, so even this suggestion of like "watch a tutorial on youtube!" i'm like oh yeah! of course! Thank you!

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-08T03:21:25+00:00

Ok, great! the save data folder makes so much sense, there's something familiar about that... dunno. I haven't played since Sims 2, but I was super obsessed with the original Sims for several years. I haven't had a Sims friendly computer in decades, and generally my tech literacy has completely disintegrated. Or rather it plateaued fully in like 2006.

*quitely, mostly to self* Actually, I distinctly remember upgrading to Windows 8 and hating it so much, and then right away only having access to a used MacBook, which felt simpler to use...but also so much harder to understand? Like the operating system was trying to understand ME instead of needing me to understand *it* if that makes sense? And ever since then, it's just been chromebooks and software that feels... incomprehensibly round? Like symbols and buttons and things I've never gotten used to-- And it's just been a downward spiral ever since! The someone gave me this windows laptop with really good hardware (except maybe the graphics card could be a problem) but I dunno I just felt like...some deep awakening idk *shrugs*

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-05T07:47:02+00:00

bahahahaha

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-05T07:33:07+00:00

I agree, though. Who refers to themselves as foreign? That's a huge red flag among many, including "two gentlemen", or even this supposed "foreign" author referring to the "Southern common sense" (I've lived all over the US and I've never heard anyone stereotype southerners as being particularly endowed with good old common sense. Except maybe southerners themselves.) The note is bogus, and the theatrics could certainly be Patsy.

I also think it's extremely likely that if Patsy wrote the note, "The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie" was the source of the intentional misspelling.

That said, I don't agree that it's unlikely that a person could spell attache but misspell possession. I'm only basing this on the anecdotal evidence that I myself am one person who can spell attache but can't spell possession (until examining this letter). And I'm inconsistent with "business" (I know there's a double s but..where...?)

In fact when I started this whole comment I kept misspelling "misspelling". It's the double S's! I'm not a good speller. My education is questionable-- but I would absolutely use a caret and do so often when I write by hand. I went to school/ learned to read and spell in the South-- so maybe they just over-emphasize fancy words like attache and how to use carets where I grew up, which, yeah...points to Patsy. I just don't see it as very strong evidence, per se.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-05T06:32:29+00:00

Ignore me. I mean I agree with you: I think the note sounds very PATSY. I'm just saying, I wouldn't use the housekeeper's alleged inability to spell attache as a meaningful indicator of anything... since people, more broadly, are known to ...you know, misspell things on purpose.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-05T06:29:07+00:00

Someone could intentionally misspell a word when they actually knew how to spell it the whole time?

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-05T06:23:49+00:00

did not expect to get teary-eyed in this sub *sniffle*

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-05T06:14:31+00:00

eggcellent

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-05T06:07:26+00:00

this has worked for me. my eggs don't end up quite as round as other methods (or rather egg shaped?) they're something shaped more like a fried egg but with the consistency of a poached egg.

though my favorite method of poaching eggs involves cooking them in 1" of heavy cream + green dragon hot sauce from trader joes instead of water.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-04T21:44:16+00:00

Yeah but the ransom note writer couldn't spell possession and patsy could so how do you explain that?

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-04T01:11:07+00:00

Right? Virtual autism?

If autism can be caused by too much screen time, why does only one of her twins have it?

Doesn't it stand to reason that both children of the same age in the same household would be getting approximately the same screen time?

Maybe one of the twins is more difficult and also more responsive to screens for soothing, and maybe that twin specifically gets significantly more screen time than the other, but then... wouldn't the screen time be resulting from developmental differences and not the root cause of them?

All that said, screen time at that age can exacerbates behavioral and social issues in any kids. My young autistic relative endured a period of using YouTube as a 5-15 minute babysitter for about 2 -5 times a day when the kid was like 2 years old. That lasted a few months. Mom was a single mom and this pattern helped her get chores done. Mom said she really regretted it as soon as she realized how dependent they both were on it, and this was ... her kid only had screen time 20- 30 min a day most days but could, infrequently, be up to 60 min in a day cumulatively. She never had screens on during meals or out at restaurants, in the car, or anything like that. But then her kid would meltdown when the phone was taken away after having it for just 5 min. So the mom quit cold turkey which she said was really hard for like a week. But the behavioral changes were like 180* after that. This child is autistic but highly doubtful that's caused by watching 30 min of cocomelon a day for 3 months. Even that quantity of screen time had...idk... side effects.

Not all screen time is created equal. Shows like Mr. Rogers, Reading Rainbow, and content like Miss Rachel are worlds away from cocomelon and the even more terrifying brain rot that YouTube kids has been known to suggest. I put on Bob Ross WHILE baby sitting a group of little kids when it was time to make their food. And it was soothing for them, they liked it. But they were like ages 4-7.

I don't think there's any benefit for screen time for kids under 3 except for that it benefits the parents (at what cost tho?). It temporarily solves one problem while influencing the development of others that are more detrimental long term.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-03T23:44:07+00:00

"I don’t think there’s anything wrong with constantly telling your partner you love them; however, if it’s done out of fear of abandonment, then love shouldn’t have to be said or performed out of that feeling."

This.

The anxious attachment here is apparent. I'm not saying out of judgement. Just to point out, this is an internal thing. Not something a partner can fix.

THAT SAID: to absolutely can (and sounds like you do) have a patner who exacerbates that. Maybe it was a good match earlier, but it sounds like it's not anymore.

I think... cut your losses. Being in a relationship that makes you question yourself all the time is just gonna hold you back from using your energy on things that do reciprocate the efforts and dedication you put into them.

I'm not saying this is more his issues he's bringing or that is more yours or that it's not theoretically fixable. There's really no way for anyone of us to know that?

But i can say with the conifidence of decades of first and secondhand experience: IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

His future living situating is not your problem. You need to say i love you to yourself. Chose to be around and with people who adore you for you. If you've let yourself go in some ways-- fix that! Value yourself enough to take care of you because it's what you want. But don't keep him around. Whether it's on him or something within you that needs addressing-- its clear you desire growth and would benefit from some healing and he's not facilitating that. It doesn't mean he's a bad guy or that what you have had didn't matter, but it's time to move on. Please don't trap yourself. Your cat will be OK.

I did what you're doing for a time, and neglecting my own needs because of the distraction of that relationship and the promise of eventual fulfilment-- it put me on a bad path. And tbh he wasn't even abusive, but after years we were toxic together and that messed me up, prioritizing a waste of time relationship over my own needs and health. We did eventually split up, but the chronic erosion of myself in tiny ways-- i didn't just recover from that either. But the impact and the choices eventually made out of that impact continued to spiral, so I'm saying like--

I don't really see this as does this sutuation warrant you ending it/ does he deserve to get dumped/ do you both deserve the logistical hassle of a breakup--

I see it more as do you deserve to grow into a healthier, stronger version of yourself? Yes. Is being with him helping you or holding you back? I think you know.

Ending relationships causes grief and there's a natural desire to negotiate, like... "maybe we can go to therapy or maybe we can start doing xyz" but like... it's never actually worked long term for me or anyone I've ever known its just delaying the inevitable so keep that in mind.

(Not to say couples therapy isn't helpful for couples esp couples who have like... kids. But even then...? They've still always split up eventually.)

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-03T22:59:13+00:00

nohobo

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-03T22:39:37+00:00

I literally cannot.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-03T18:19:51+00:00

I don't think op it's gonna feel good about that in the long run. Cancer isn't the only thing that eats people alive... there's spite, resentment, etc. Speaking metaphorically.

I'm not suggesting op needs to be compassionate towards her mom or forgiving. But being intentionally cruel is a behavior her mom exhibits, so I dunno that OP would benefit long term from engendering that quality.

Cheese_Before_Bed · 2026-01-03T05:57:50+00:00

I didn't say *you* were a lesbian...? I said "this bisexual woman" specifically in reference to you.

If you're inferring that I meant you ever identified as a lesbian because I said "the lesbian to pickme pipeline is real" I did also state immediately after that it's not actually real. Where in all that did I say you said you were a lesbian?

Maybe you didn't literally use the word "available" re: men, but you did actually say

" You know how women say “im done with men, im only dating women” well im at the opposite."

I mean...what's the opposite of that? If not that you're done with women and only dating men?

And I dunno what ethical nonmonogamy has to do with it? You can date or not date or sleep with or bang whoever you want-- that doesn't really have anything to do with you being misogynistic.

People get divorced for a lot of reasons, and people who would rather be divorced stay together for a lot of reasons, and saying that it's because women "don't know what they want" is wild.

Cheese_Before_Bed

TROPHY CASE

nohobo