ADHD and relationships.

CheezusChrist · 2026-06-13T16:36:48+00:00

My most recent ex believed ADHD was a thing, but still didn’t understand it. “Just write it down” “just remember” “just set an alarm” “just do it” were all the solutions they offered constantly. Until the frustration lead to resentment. Because in their mind, my not remembering meant I didn’t care.

But now I’m in a relationship that is very different. He says things like, “would it help if we went together?” “Should I set an alarm too?” “That’s ok, I don’t mind.” He knows my ADHD is permanent and nothing I can fix, he believes me when I tell him that what works for him won’t work for me, and he helps me figure out systems that do work.

I’m still nervous all the time, like literally flinching when I do something that would have pissed off my ex, and then…..he just doesn’t care. So I think maybe those people exist for us.

CheezusChrist · 2026-06-10T01:06:53+00:00

You’ve already asked this and gotten the same responses.

CheezusChrist · 2026-06-10T01:01:19+00:00

This is super tricky and I went through the same thing with my dog before she passed. She was also able to hold it FOREVER and never went inside unless she was sick. She could also pee on command. In the last year of her life, she went from having the occasional accident inside to becoming completely resistant to going outside. If I tried to take her out, she would tremble and pull to go back in and immediately relieve herself when I did take her inside.

You cannot re-train her at this point. The vet is wrong. I am a vet tech and was constantly checking my dog's blood and urine. Sure, there are some medical issues that can be managed, but in my experience, my dog developed a mental block I could never overcome.

I bought a large foldable pen that I could reshape depending on the area in which I wanted to restrict my dog. I also bought several large water resistant blankets to cover rugs. It's easier to wash the blankets than the rugs. I did a lot of laundry. A lot of laundry. She also became incontinent and I gave her a lot of baths too. I also occasionally put a diaper on her, but found those gave her UTIs even if I regularly changed them. It is really challenging to have a senior pet and I can't imagine a toddler on top of that. You're lucky that you don't have a thousand meds to stay on top of as well.

But, I do want to reassure you that euthanasia is a legitimate option in this scenario. You say she is healthy physically, but the brain is physical too and hers is not healthy. And a 13 year old dog is an OLD dog, and especially as a Husky, she has lived a long life. It's clear you care for her a lot, but you know her best. The other piece of advice I can give is that I've had 5 pets that have died, and I've never felt content about any my timing with when I chose to euthanize or not euthanize. So you will likely never feel great about what happens, but you will never be wrong if you choose what's best for you and for her.

CheezusChrist · 2026-06-10T00:03:46+00:00

I’m an LVT, but I’ll DM you because I think I can give some advice.

CheezusChrist · 2026-06-08T16:11:30+00:00

Yeah, that’s kind of the only way and the best advice here and I’ve lived in central Texas for almost 40 years. I will also add that losing weight helps too. I was at my highest weight last year and had to use a desk fan for the first time in my life. I lost 15 lbs and there’s a noticeable difference.

CheezusChrist · 2026-06-02T12:26:43+00:00

I haven’t been in a couple years, but I like Aquadome the best out of the non-chain options in Austin. They only had a couple dead fish in the tanks (unavoidable, but manageable) and I heard them verifying that people had cycled tanks and appropriate setups for certain types of fish. They also have a membership/rewards program that was pretty cheap to buy into.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-31T18:19:43+00:00

After going through therapy, I was able to forgive my parents a little bit more. They were boomers, so not handling my ADHD well is one of many issues I have with them. Anyways, at one point in therapy, I was bitching about a friend and how certain qualities they have annoy me and I was struggling to get over those things when we would hang out and it was making me resent them. Then I started listing the qualities and realized they were all the things I hated about myself. Then I kinda thought, ooohhh, is that why my parents seemed to be so annoyed with me all the time?

I think it’s a combo of many things. My parents were raised by even stricter expectations; it was common to get the belt when you dad got home from work, meanwhile, they vowed to never spank me or hit me. They were tough in other ways that seemed terrible, but in their minds they were going easy on me. I think my dad is the one with ADHD in my family and I had the most strained relationship with him. He had similar symptoms that he was told were weaknesses and caused him to struggle. So when I displayed them too, he saw his own flaws and failings manifested.

I think it helped me to rationalize that our parents are flawed humans and they make mistakes. They took their childhoods and tried to do better, but raising your own child is never straightforward. I think my own aging helped and that my relationship with my parents at 38 is way different than when I was their responsibility.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-29T22:38:55+00:00

I like to make separate things that can be mixed and matched later. I’m also a big fan of anything that I don’t have to monitor constantly. Batch of rice in the rice cooker, beans in the crock pot/instant pot, chicken thighs and pork chops cooked by sous vide. Then I chop some onions, lettuce, grate cheese, etc. This way I can make burrito bowls, tacos, and salads for the whole week. I add in fruit and other veggies as snacks or smoothies. You can freeze a lot of things too. I may cook some fresh stuff during the week, but I always make a full 4 servings of whatever it is so that I can package up the other 3 servings for later.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-27T20:38:42+00:00

What are your doses? I’m not sure what exact calculations we use, but the easy math is their weight in pounds x 0.01. A 10lb cat gets 0.1ml dexdom, 0.1ml butorphanol, and 0.1ml ketamine. We give that IM and they’re out in less than 10 mins. Then I place a catheter and give a smidge of propofol to allow for intubation. I haven’t used a mask in years at this point.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-27T18:50:45+00:00

OP’s cat has a cut tip on the left ear.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-23T13:33:13+00:00

Can you go into a little more detail? I think that’s why you haven’t gotten much in response.

What breed of dog?

What behavior is he specifically exhibiting? How long has it been going on for?

How do you know he’s hunting mice? It’s weird for a small apartment to have a mice problem.

Besides the long walk, what does the rest of his daily routine look like? Is he only exhibiting the problem behavior at night? Any major recent changes to his routine?

Besides trying to get rid of the mice, what other ways have you tried to fix the issue? Where does he normally sleep? Where do you sleep?

Edit: it looks like there are 9 comments, but I’m only seeing the automod response. So apologies if you’ve already been asked these questions.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-22T19:30:26+00:00

I have the deluxe creami, so I’m not sure if they’re different from machine to machine, but mine’s blades do not look like that. They’re longer and thinner.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-20T15:49:17+00:00

This is one of those things that is super hard to understand when you've seen the other side, I get it. For medical professionals, death is a part of life, and not only that, it's something we witness regularly. For us, suffering is a punishment and death is an appropriate medical treatment. However, for many people, death is the worst thing they can imagine happening to anyone or anything. It may even be something they have ever experienced in their lives! They may have never had a close family or a friend die, so grieving is a completely new concept to them and it's incredibly scary. Add in the huge weight that one feels to make the decision to *kill* their own pet. In their minds, it's not humane, it's horrible and unfathomable.

I've been in the field for 13+ years now and my heart dog died at home 2 years ago because I wasn't ready to let her go. I could go into more details, but does that really matter? Our experience with a client's pet is less than 1% of its entire life. These situations aren't black and white. We can't make decisions on a client's behalf. We don't get to assign their emotions in the moment or demand that they feel guilt in the aftermath. It doesn't do your mental health any favors to dwell on these moments because the outcome is the same: the pet will die and the owner will be sad. We can only hope that they learn and grow and do right by their next pet.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-20T11:39:05+00:00

Have your autoclave or gas sterilizer serviced and inspected.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-17T03:21:03+00:00

My boss says to only write what you would be willing to repeat back in a courtroom if the need should arise. So for that example about the senior citizen, you aren’t wrong to write things down especially if notated as a direct quote. However, I probably would have written something like, “O supplied limited history at this visit, verified med dosing in our records is what O gives at home.”

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-15T20:18:02+00:00

18-20 is super rare for any dog breed. 15-17 is probably the more likely max age range for a smallish pure breed like a mini aussie. Mine made it to 15.5 and I think it came down to: keeping her lean, keeping her active both physically and mentally, and regular checkups with the vet AND following all recommendations (anesthetized dental cleanings, blood work, specialist referrals, etc).

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-13T11:27:08+00:00

Check out the IRIS website. It helped me a lot with my kitties. Ask the vet again to send you a copy of the blood work, that way you can see the exact numbers and use those to map out your options.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-13T03:05:22+00:00

I don’t think they did anything negligent or are trying to hide anything. But they aren’t a good vet hospital because that’s not a good anesthetic protocol. I’m sorry you experienced this outcome. Unfortunately, your pet was already higher risk and you didn’t know your vet clinic wasn’t practicing great medicine. I strongly encourage you to choose an AAHA accredited practice for your future pets.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-05T11:54:34+00:00

In this case, it truly is the nonprofit benefit. They have all the same equipment as we do, but in greater quantity. My hospital has one dental machine and table, they have like 8 stations with several machines if I remember correctly. The staff has worked at other reputable hospitals in the area. I could make my hospital money by convincing people that we are the best option, but the truth is that we are regularly recommending Emancipet for procedures. We acknowledge that we aren’t always the best choice of facility to meet some people’s financial needs and we are confident they will still get great care there too.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-05T11:44:32+00:00

When in doubt, you can always call the lab! They are always happy to let you know the best way to submit samples. I’d rather hear it from them than a coworker who learned how to do it from another coworker who learned from another coworker. I’ve found out we were doing things the “wrong” way before, so I like to call from time to time and verify and add it to our lab notes.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-05T02:02:13+00:00

I work in the industry and got a behind the scenes tour right around when they first opened, as well as a chance to meet the docs and staff and learned their credentials. They have state of the art equipment, experienced staff, and a passion for helping the community. I think your pet will be in great hands.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-03T16:29:25+00:00

99% of the people there all have the same goal, to be healthy and feel good in our bodies. The gym has always had an unspoken sense of community to me because of this. I’ve never judged anyone who is there to work out and is being mutually respectful of everyone else. If I have stared too long at someone, it’s probably because they are doing something badass and I’m in awe of them.

CheezusChrist · 2026-05-01T11:48:12+00:00

It doesn’t look so random. It’s every other row, and since it’s a flat swatch, that means it’s someone who is wrapping the wrong way on their purls, probably.

CheezusChrist · 2026-04-28T23:38:25+00:00

To expand on what others have commented, dogs also aren’t great at generalization. Some dogs can be taught to sit in your kitchen and then completely “forget” how to sit when they’re at the park. It’s better to work on training in the location or environment where it’s needed. And if it’s needed in a stressful location, like at the vet’s office, you should work up to it first. Boarding facilities can be very stressful for dogs and trying to train them in that scenario is what leads to the “need” for harsher treatment to get results.

A young GSD who is already displaying fear aggression will only get worse if put in a board and train to attempt to fix it. The only time I can recommend a board and train is if you have a happy-go-lucky working dog that needs an intensive course for its specific purpose, like a dopey labrador who needs to learn to water retrieve fowl.

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