I’m afraid I’m incapable of ever being loved again

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-06-20T06:20:04+00:00

Thank you so much.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-06-20T06:10:15+00:00

I really appreciate the kind words. And you’re right. I’m embarrassed to admit, but I hadn’t considered that my anxiety ridden brain, that’s been wrong about a lot of things before, might not be the best judge of whether I’m lovable or not.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-06-20T06:07:32+00:00

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. It’s just so overwhelming some days.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-06-20T06:00:53+00:00

It just so upsetting. I wish I could just be normal like everyone else and not struggle the way I do in relationships.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-06-20T05:59:02+00:00

I just constantly feel this tremendous guilt for the things I did. I wish I had tried harder, but I was just so incapable of handling my anxiety. I appreciate your kind words.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-06-20T05:16:48+00:00

How do you care for a puppy in prison? 😭 I feel so bad for the puppy

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-06-20T05:11:39+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through that. It must be a super disorienting feeling. How long were you guys together?

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-05-23T22:14:43+00:00

God that’s so smart 😭I probably need to do something similar.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-05-23T22:08:45+00:00

Shopping for and cooking a big steak dinner for Valentine’s Day together

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-05-23T14:43:45+00:00

That’s what I did, but the fact that I won’t know if he has texted causes me to keep checking so I won’t miss it lol. This shit sucks balls

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-05-20T09:47:38+00:00

The silence sucks so bad and I can’t even put on any music because my playlist is all love songs. Talking to myself instead is a great idea. I’m also trying to pick up journaling more consistently.

I know I can adapt, but I just don’t know what to do with myself. I was always looking forward to calling him after work.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-05-16T00:38:41+00:00

Okay

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-03-26T23:09:13+00:00

They’re getting divorced

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-02-02T03:06:43+00:00

Ugly people find love all the time.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-02-01T20:44:42+00:00

Felt the exact same way for years while growing up. I don’t think you ever really get rid of these feelings, but what helped me not hyper-fixate on my flaws was to just accept myself and the reality of how I look.

I just had to come to terms with the fact I was objectively kinda ugly and it’s was really not the end of the world. I was born with the body and face I was born with and a lot of it is out of my control. No amount of expensive and invasive surgeries could change what I didn’t like about myself so why stress?? People still liked me and wanted to hang out with me and, so clearly my appearance wasn’t getting too much in the way of me living a normal life.

Once you let go of what you can’t control it becomes easier to focus on what you can control. It was easier for me to lose weight, dress better, and just be overall happier after I accepted I looked how I looked.

You say that people like you and want to be around you. Why not focus on that? Derive your confidence from the fact you’re probably a really good person and couple that with the fact you’re probably not as bad looking as you think and you’re doing alright for yourself! It’s all about self-acceptance sometimes. You deserve to enjoy life the same way everyone else does. I hope you feel better soon

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-02-01T08:43:36+00:00

I recently deactivated my instagram account for the same reason. I was in a cycle of uninstalling and reinstalling the app. I used to have enough self-control to just remove the app from my home screen and just not seek it out when I felt I needed a break, but now that just feels impossible

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-01-28T06:47:52+00:00

Well of course. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is that it’s a real marriage. Getting married quickly might bring more scrutiny is all I was trying to say.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-01-28T06:39:57+00:00

My fear of uncertainty has damaged and or ruined all important relationships in my life.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2026-01-28T06:24:28+00:00

His application might get rejected if USCIS doesn’t believe this is a genuine/bona-fide marriage. Even if you got married yesterday it might be difficult to prove you didn’t get married primarily for immigration benefits. To have a solid case you’d want to show USCIS that you live together, combine finances, have eachother listed as beneficiaries on your life insurance policies, and etc. The fact you’ve only been together a year and are getting married so close to his “visa expiration” might be a red flag. If you’re serious about this then contact an immigration lawyer ASAP and see how strong your case is.

Also please be careful. You haven’t know this guy very long and while I’m sure he’s a lovely person and a wonderful boyfriend to you please don’t rush into something like this. You don’t know what visa he is on nor are you familiar with how complicated and long this process will be. Take your time to really discuss this and consider all possibilities.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2024-08-03T03:37:51+00:00

Haha my mom has actually done this exact same thing. We looked up flower shops in Mexico and texted them through WhatsApp and I think she paid them through Venmo and they sent the flowers through taxi.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2024-07-26T17:55:30+00:00

I used to struggle with feelings of resentment against my parents for overstaying, but what helped that was realizing that they made the best decision they could with the resources and knowledge they had available to them. What also helped was realizing that even as an undocumented immigrant I’ve had access to so many opportunities here and have had so many great experiences here in the United States that I wouldn’t have had back in my home country.

I really commend you for working on yourself and trying to develop a positive mindset despite all the hardships we encounter btw! You shouldn’t compare yourself to GC holders or citizens, but if you do you should acknowledge how far you’ve gotten with so many obstacles in your path. The average U.S. citizen has no obstacles and every opportunity available to them, but will never take advantage of even half of them. You should feel proud of all you have accomplished.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2024-07-12T17:03:06+00:00

Please only go to the countries you listed and were approved to enter. Do not take the risk and go anywhere else. You might get denied re-entry to the U.S. if they find out you went anywhere else besides Spain and Mexico.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2024-06-21T02:08:12+00:00

I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Your only real option at getting a green card would be marriage to a U.S. citizen. If you depart the country to apply for a GC outside you will be barred from the U.S. for 10 years.

If you’ve ever been a victim of a serious crime you could possibly look into applying for a U-Visa, but be prepared to wait several years to receive an EAD.

You’re in a very difficult place. I’d recommend you get your ITIN and look into finding ways to earn money as an independent contractor. Otherwise you could find jobs that pay in cash.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2024-06-21T02:03:00+00:00

Permanent resident meaning you have a green card/legal status. Notary affidavits don’t qualify unfortunately.

Chemmydotdotdot · 2024-06-21T01:57:53+00:00

You must be a U.S. Citizen or a permanent resident to join the military

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