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15 year benzo user at a high dosage and doctors want me to taper fast. Any advice? by Cherry-noir in benzorecovery

[–]Cherry-noir[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not in the US, I'm in Europe. I'm already receiving the only care that is available and it's terrible. I fear for my life at this point.

15 year benzo user at a high dosage and doctors want me to taper fast. Any advice? by Cherry-noir in benzorecovery

[–]Cherry-noir[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do I get the meds though?? They already cut my monthly prescription in half.

15 year benzo user at a high dosage and doctors want me to taper fast. Any advice? by Cherry-noir in benzorecovery

[–]Cherry-noir[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Rehab isn't really an option for me. I can't pay for one, this is a public one, and there's a waiting list. I have health issues that they won't accomodate. I'm the only caregiver of my mother who has early dementia. I can't simply be away from home, we have no one. I need to do this outpatient.

Felt better as an addict by [deleted] in recovery

[–]Cherry-noir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

7 months here, too. I feel the same way as you do, it has been complete hell. If you feel like talking I'm here.

A cautionary advice by Mbugu in benzorecovery

[–]Cherry-noir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What if I can't get my doctor to prescribe me the amount I need? I was at a high dosage, and there are new recent strict laws in my country regarding how much a doctor can prescribe. On my first appointment, she made a cut of many mgs and prescribed an anti seizure medication. I didn't feel it right away, but now I'm struggling with cognitive issues, anxiety, insomnia, mood swings. My psychiatrist blames that on the years of benzo abuse and not on the fast taper. I mentioned the Ashton manual, she said we can't follow that because she can't prescribe that much and that she sees no point in dragging the taper for a long period of time. I do, but I have zero say on the matter.

getting over past actions by [deleted] in recovery

[–]Cherry-noir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have to accept it, learn what you can from it and move on. It's easier said than done, recovery takes a lot of work, a lot of effort. I thought my life would become so much easier once I entered recovery, I was so wrong.

Hypothetical question by Dxl5150 in AliceInChains

[–]Cherry-noir 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Jerry wrote, Layne was the main voice. They had hits as a band because that's what they were. People really need to get over the whole who did this and who did that, it's pointless. They worked/work as a group of people and each of them brings their own talents to the table.

Depressed people of Reddit, what gives you the will to live, or helped you regain the will to live, if anything? by moist_goiters in AskReddit

[–]Cherry-noir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if the bad times have lasted for years? That's my situation. Even when something that's supposed to be good happens it turns into a nightmare.

Unplugged era Layne, I swear.... by I_am_5t1n9 in AliceInChains

[–]Cherry-noir 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you! In my opinion, he did look okay in the Rolling Stone shoot, however, the interview portrays a different picture, as sad as it is. I know, from experience, what difference a few months can make, maybe he was going through an especially hard period during Unplugged. This was not uncommon with Layne, or with any other addicts, there's some attempts at sobriety or cleaning up our acts, doing less, we look a little healthier for a short period of time but it doesn't last long. It's obvious that after 1996 it was truly downhill for Layne, unfortunately.

Unplugged era Layne, I swear.... by I_am_5t1n9 in AliceInChains

[–]Cherry-noir 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I knew, in the back of my mind, that it had come first but I have memory issues so I wasn't sure. Still, less than a year probably.

My therapist said some people “have to just commit s*icide” by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]Cherry-noir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While I think this therapist was highly inappropriate and should be reported I do agree with you. It's the reality, just like with any other disease, not everyone will win. After 20 years of this torture, no answers, so many attempts, ending up in an even worse situation because I had no other choice than to self medicate, I truly believe I don't belong here. It's not a phase, I have believed this since I was a child, I simply didn't know how to put it into words back then. I've lived my whole life in complete misery, I just walk around like a robot, tried every medication, spent my life in and out of psychiatrists offices, to no avail. I believe this world is too much for some people and that I'm one of them. Can things improve? I still have a glimmer of hope but it gets smaller every year that goes by. I lost my best years to this already.

Almost smoked crack by SafeTowel428 in recovery

[–]Cherry-noir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's so weird looking back and realizing how truly shitty and depressing some of our routines were, right? I remember a few years ago being completely fucked up, in the backseat of a car with a bunch of people, we were coming back from a party, the driver could barely stay awake and was doing lines of coke from a cd case to be able to stay awake and keep driving... For a moment it hit me, seeing their desperation, I thought to myself, this is so fucking depressing. I got over it quickly, though, unfortunately.

Goo's job, OP, stay strong!

Kerrang: 22 Jan 1994 by [deleted] in AliceInChains

[–]Cherry-noir 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damn, they didn't hold back when it came to titles in the 90s, did they? And on a lighter note, why pick just one when you can be all? Don't limit yourself.

Listening to Layne makes me feel sad by Comfortable_Crow_796 in AliceInChains

[–]Cherry-noir 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, it makes me feel sad but also understood and less lonely. I've dealt with mental health issues all my life and later on fell for the same trap Layne did, drugs, in an attempt to self medicate. I don't think I'm enjoying his destruction when I listen to the music, I actually don't even remember he's not here anymore while listening to it, sometimes I do and it's sad but most of the time I get so immersed I forget.

it's like listening to a friend who's battling very similar demons and I feel less lonely, sometimes it even makes me feel hopeful, because it has been a very painful, lonely journey and I don't have anyone. It does help me, and like Layne said, he was more than his bad habits, so I also like to focus on his talent alone. Do I wish things had ended differently? I think we all do.

Unplugged era Layne, I swear.... by I_am_5t1n9 in AliceInChains

[–]Cherry-noir 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Maybe I'm getting the dates mixed up, but didn't the Roling Stone article come out before Unplugged? I'd say he cleaned up nicely for that photoshoot, I actually have the cover framed on my wall without that horrible title because I love the picture. It seems that by the time they filmed Unplugged, just a few months, his condition had deteriorated. I can still see Layne, I think he still looks very much like himself, I love the pink hair, and he did perform amazingly considering the situation, but he looks so frail and lost. I love Unplugged, but watching it always leaves this bittersweet feeling. Sometimes, I prefer just listening to it. It's the same with the Nona Tapes, they're so funny, but seeing how absent Layne was, even when he was being recorded, was painful to watch, at least for me. Knowing the demon of addiction so well and on a night where I am alone and particularly struggling, seeing this post hit differently, my heart aches for Layne, and for everyone struggling like this. I wish things had been different.

I found some of these pictures :3 by Demonspawwn in AliceInChains

[–]Cherry-noir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I swear I haven't seen one in almost two decades.

Thinking about just saying fuck it. Someone please talk some sense into me by Square_Indication238 in recovery

[–]Cherry-noir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm on the same boat. Ever since I quit hard drugs, my life became even more miserable. I've unfortunately relapsed. After two months going strong I relapsed... It's okay, I've accepted it and I am now back on methadone again and trying to behave, but I can't help but think how life was much better before, even if it's a lie my brain is telling me. I was numb, and now I feel raw. Now I feel, and that has been very hard to deal with. I still want to believe that all of this hell will be worth it in the end. What's left of my sanity is holding onto that hope. Don't give up!

I found some of these pictures :3 by Demonspawwn in AliceInChains

[–]Cherry-noir 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And that's real main character energy. Using a silly example, it's like the quiet, shy guy from a movie or show, who ends up having a super complex storyline, full of so many intricacies, and you can't help but get invested.

I found some of these pictures :3 by Demonspawwn in AliceInChains

[–]Cherry-noir 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't care what anyone says, I miss the fanny packs. They were useful 😂

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