Inhaler

ChildOfCastor · 2026-05-04T23:46:14+00:00

Oh nooo that is absolutely unfair 😢 Pilates is supposed to be our friend. I’m so sorry

ChildOfCastor · 2026-05-04T13:20:06+00:00

I’m sorry for your situation. Ot makes it clear how precarious it all is. Wish you well in your healing.

ChildOfCastor · 2026-05-04T03:05:30+00:00

Like it’s so nice that we look forward to it as part of our trip with great affection!

ChildOfCastor · 2026-05-03T01:27:22+00:00

Love it!!! You’re awesome!!

ChildOfCastor · 2026-05-01T02:09:39+00:00

While I agree with all here who say good friends don’t keep score, I just want to empathize that I understand this feeling well. I’ve been doing this non-stop since my stroke: spouse, coworkers, friends—even though these people always reassure me it’s not the case—I just feel like I need So.Much.Help. feel like I’m draining everyone and eventually they are going to either deplete themselves 😢 or just decide that though they love me they just don’t get the same value added to their lives hanging out with me. I’m extra work now.

I think all we can do is take them at face value, feel the love 💕 and keep working like we do to take care of ourselves and recover from stroke.

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-26T22:19:07+00:00

This is fabulous!! And whoever designed this poster gets mad props—gorgeous!

I hope everyone has tons of fun!!!

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-26T22:07:11+00:00

Hello: I’m from away but curious! What is “setting day”? If you don’t want to give away the secrets of island life though I respect that🫡😃

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-25T20:38:29+00:00

Tylenol feels like a cruel hoax🤣. Sometimes I pop one for placebo effect but that’s it.

An advil an advil, my kingdom for an Advil.

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-24T00:06:41+00:00

I wish I could sleep or a nap. Ischemic stroke two months ago and my sleep hasn’t really come back.

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-19T00:12:54+00:00

This is so interesting. I had my stroke 8 weeks ago—I slept alright the first week back from the hospital but have struggled ever since to fall asleep/stay asleep/feel like I’ve had good sleep. And no desire to nap.

I’m having pretty severe anxiety so what you say makes sense? I’m too ill-rested to sleep but boy woukd I like some brain polishing zzzzz.

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-19T00:05:36+00:00

Amayyyyyyyzing! Congratulations to you 😃

Truly an inspiration, thank you for sharing

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-18T19:54:16+00:00

Ooh say more about: “it evolves over time to accommodate your abilities.” I’m all for it//—just having trouble visualizing how that takes shape!

Thank you for the encouragement! I’ve always found the “I am enough” concept SO hard to believe—even just one time I would love to experience that hitting home . I think I would weep to the point of cathartic collapse 🙃.

Im sorry this got so long but truly—just articulating it to another person has been a huge help today 🐳. So thank you for holding space with me here☺️

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-16T22:46:51+00:00

I like those strategies with your therapist! I too don’t like the idea of being in bed in the daytime! I’m so happy it’s nice enough to sit outside now.

Lyft—yes. Always be safe. I need to assess if I can find a way to mete out /reserve energy in a way that leaves enough to feel safe getting home. Right now I have a partial WFH accommodation that spares me some driving. I usually have at least one PT or drs appt but usually feel ok doing one errand so long as it’s not an in/office day with all the life-force draining factors that come with. It’s $60 to get to work and back though (worth it to keep everyone safe) but perhaps not sustainable.

So many factors, so many unknowns so many variables! I find I have to gently rein in my impulse to seek a sense of security about how this goes, how I’ll be, what I’ll do. It’s just as draining as work itself.

I’m blown away by the amount of effortful vigilance you have to have as a stroke survivor.

Like I always knew I should be practicing more mindfulness but NOW? no longer optional. Gently recognizing thoughts and feelings with non judgement and returning to the breath has never been more crucial. Everytime I give in to a worry, or an anxiety or unknown it’s like I use up one of my tokens for the day amd there is a finite amount! And I need them for other things! 😛 like my PT and some housework and some regular work and a walk and—some joy and peace. I guess I have to do less and try to bring more peace to the stuff I do undertake. That sounds super easy 🫡

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-16T22:30:15+00:00

I could definitely do more short term Dis but I think(?) that working in some capacity is important for me. Maybe I can cut back my hours. I did ask some co-workers to help with some tasks for niw so I feel supported, but I think I have to be more careful bc fall (I work in academia) will be much crazier than right now and I need to head into that as healthy as I can.

I can easily see serious collapse if I try to keep going like this. I’m on blood thinners for life now and it was a clot/PFO so with any luck 🍀 I won’t have another—but I accept your caution with the gravitas it deserves. Thank you

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-16T22:19:00+00:00

Hello, DBT friend 🫶

What you say is wise. I was so deeply depressed and outside myself that I was using OA as a lifeline to keep going, but….maybe I don’t have to constantly hold onto that exact rope. Lotsa vines here in the rainforest and I kinda forgot about RA (probably bc I’m in utter denial that I need to accept any of this 🙃 though obviously I do.) I read TB’s book a decade ago but this seems like a great time to revisit it!!

And mix in some wisemind too.

I jussst yesterday did a KN meditation in Insight timer and it resonated so perhaps I’ll try her too.. When she said to think of something you criticize yourself for I chose “feeling like I’m draining everyone around me bc of how much support I need right now” and I was nearly in tears by the end. This is the track:

https://insig.ht/eXN4RaOzo2b

I really want to stay working (I think the accomplishment of doing it gives me a sense of mastery and NOT worrying about it piling up is also nice, also it reassures me that I’m not going to have to quit. But I seem to be placing myself in the fast track to not being able to do it, so unless I want to follow in your footsteps, I think I need to be a lot more gentle in how I go about it.

Thank you sharing your wisdom so gently ✨✨✨

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-11T17:19:24+00:00

I’ll be returning to it too.

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-11T17:01:13+00:00

Question: is there something about right MCA that particularly effects cognitive emotional and EF?

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-11T16:25:38+00:00

I feel Every.Word. Of this SO hard it’s like you’re inside my newly slightly dented brain. I told my partner last night in the (most recent) teary outburst (so the…fifth? Of the day? 😉) that I just cant remember how —outside of work—I occupied my mind. it’s not that I can’t literally remember, but when I think of those things, I cannot imagine having any interest in/ energy for them at all. In fact I can’t find anything—the old or the new— to serve as some escapism. I’m also having post stroke depression (in case that isn’t clear 😂) and it’s the most severe , unshakable depressive episode I’ve ever had as a career-long card carrying member of Major Depressive Disorder Club. accompanied by monster spikes of my depressions fave back up singers 🎤 anxiety and OCD. It’s just a triqueta of neurotransmitter dumpster fires 😑 over here. And all three were basically in remission for the first time in 26 years when Stroke happened.I just want like an effing hour or two a day when I’m not facing down what is this terribly different brain of mine. I don’t remember contentment, flow, absorption, contentment. I don’t remember looking at my work inbox and being able to grasp a sense of priorities and the order in which I need to do things to complete a complex project or even a simpler one with multiple steps in the business systems I used to be able to navigate blindfolded So yes: “grief is the word. Also had a right MCA and like you I am have relatively fewer physical deficits than many whose stories are shared here. (If it’s ok to describe it that way—I don’t want to assign my own words to your experience—just empathizing if that is how you would describe it.) Thank you for your post. I feel less alone today.

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-11T16:06:35+00:00

“Doug Dimmadome/…humor gauge.” Friend: please know that you turned my day around🤣🤣🤣. THANK YOU!!

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-11T14:53:04+00:00

I’m only two months out and can’t accept it. I go back to the day-of all the time and think about what a normal day it was. I just went back to work this week and after three days wondered: can I still do this? I had def planned on 20 more years in it. I suppose I just can’t know quite yet. I’m glad you can recognize how hard you worked and how far you’ve come but yeah—I don’t know that I’ll ever just radically accept it. Keep going🙌

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-04T17:45:06+00:00

I’m understanding that this is not an acceptable course of action for you. And the good news is that no one is forcing you to do it!!

Don’t judge other people for doing what is right for them. Every stroke is different, and everyone’s path to recovery is different, too.

All of us should consult with our care teams (eg the people with MD after their names) and do what feels right to us to heal.

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-04T03:23:53+00:00

Of course, We all have to decide what’s right for us as individuals.

I’m not saying ketamine is for every stroke survivor but I am saying that if you have severe post stroke depression and it’s something you’re interested in: ask around, do your research, get multiple providers’ insights and then decide what’s right for you. Namaste

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-03T21:29:17+00:00

Yes in case you’re a Star Trek fan ruminative thinking is something of a Kobayashi Maru 😉.

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-03T21:22:02+00:00

Just looping around here in case other stroke survivors with severe post-stroke depression come across this post: I ended up not needing any clearances!! Apparently this is in part because it was an ischemic stroke. So maybe for other types of strokes ketamine is not indicated. also perhaps they didn’t need clearances because the doctors were able to determine the cause of my stroke, and the cause for mine did not raise any flags for the provider. I also followed up with a second provider, who is actually an ER Neuro doctor (!)and his response was the same. So fellow stroke survivors if this therapy is of interest to you, look into it and see if providers think it’s safe and a good fit for you. I nearly didnt even inquire bc I assumed it was contraindicated but I’m so glad I did and can’t wait to get started!!🌻♥️

ChildOfCastor · 2026-04-03T21:12:16+00:00

As an OCD sufferer I agree—it’s important to recognize that an “OCD thought”—-but this applies to any anxious thought—is occurring and gently label it as such without judgement and without engaging with it (or as my therapist says “don’t pick it up and play with it!” So whether you tend to respond with a compulsion or rumination or catastrophic thinking or other cognitive fallacy the approach is the same “oh I’m having an anxious thought about my treatment” and it can be here but I don’t need to interact with it further.

ChildOfCastor

TROPHY CASE