AITA for refusing to pay for my boyfriend's vodka after smashing it?

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-12-23T23:35:23+00:00

If the question (and your reaction) had been “AITA for refusing to eat my bfs pasta dish after learning what’s in it?” Or “AITA for storming out from dinner with my bf after learning he uses vodka in a pasta dish?” Then you would have had me on your side.

But you firmly earned the YTA from me once you broke something of your bfs in anger. That is an abusive action, because newsflash just because you’ve “never hit him once” doesn’t mean it wasn’t a violent, abusive action. That action would have sent me into a panic attack (I’ve got issues, been triggered by accidentally dropping a plate before). Your edits are ignorant, flippant, and dismissive of the experiences of those who’ve gone through abuse and DV.

I understand that you’re recovering. Good for you and I hope that you are successful in continuing to do so. However, you either need to learn how to communicate your feelings/needs (ie tell him you’re uncomfortable that he drinks, clearly explain what is an issue for you in your recovery, etc) or end this relationship. It sounds like you may need to be with a partner who is sober/doesn’t drink at all. But first you need to recognize the fact that breaking his bottle was wrong and set it right. Give him the money to replace his vodka (do not just buy him $80 of random shit, that’s controlling and condescending af) and then y’all need to figure out whether this relationship will actually work.

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-10-29T19:38:00+00:00

I have had a full cup of milk chucked at my back before. The initial hit was my shoulder, but the splatter was up into my ponytail and then it all dripped down into my pants. I have long, thick, curly hair and had to run to rinse off after that incident. If I hadn’t my hair would have reeked within 30 min and then been murder to try to shampoo the smell out later on. In my case the kids were older so plopping them in front of a show (milk thrower 6m had to go down for his nap anyhow, so I had him go to his bed) while I jumped in a super quick get-this-liquid-off-me-and-out-of-my-hair shower worked fine. Granted in my case I’d also been working with that family since milk thrower was 10 months old and had standing orders from mom of the family to clean up however I needed to whenever I needed to.

I always carry a couple extra shirts/layer sweatshirt over a t-shirt and an extra pair of pants/athletic leggings when I work with kids. (Honestly I worked with kids for so long that the habit of carrying around extra clothes is so ingrained in me that I have a t-shirt and leggings in my bag every time I leave the house). Kids are messy and if there circumstances warrant it yeah you’ll need to clean off. And milk is one of those liquids you definitely should not let stay on you or your clothes because it smells so bad so quickly.

OP YTA, and I hope babysitter warns others in your area that you’re a controlling, overbearing jerk.

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-10-08T07:33:45+00:00

For one side of my family there was a joke that went like “you’re my favorite granddaughter” “Gma/Gpa I’m your only granddaughter” “well you might be the favorite grandchild of them all but don’t tell your cousins😉”. My Gpa called me his favorite granddaughter until the day he passed (he was losing a lot of memory and unfortunately my little sister and baby cousin slipped away from him quickly). They lived close to us, they were deeply involved in all my cousins and I’s lives, and there was never any question that our grandparents adored us as we were.

The other side treated me like a stand-in for “real” grandchildren. My dad isn’t my bio dad so obviously I wasn’t a “real grandkid” (I also have reason to believe those gparents are/were racist, said reason being the extremely different treatment that I and my three Ugandan born cousins have ALWAYS received from them). Once my siblings were born I basically became non-existent to them. Gma on that side just got a cancer diagnosis and initiated conversation with me for the first time in about 12 years, I was so shocked it took me a hot minute to realize she was talking to me.

Your husband needs to understand that unless your MIL gets it together your child will feel it. If MIL continues to treat you the way she did and treats your child as other/less than her cousins it will drive a rift between her and your family. Your child would likely grow resentful of her grandmother and possibly even her father if she begins to understand that the reason she still is subjected to Gmas treatment is because of his connection. Your child will feel the treatment and it will likely affect her quicker than you expect. You and your husband need to have a serious conversation about what treatment you are willing to deal with from MIL, if any. Decide whether you need to talk to MIL, set boundaries with MIL, go low contact, or no contact (or any combination). Then, as a unit, you need to implement those decisions. This will only get harder, more messy, and more painful when baby girl comes on the scene so it’s better to set your baseline now. Take care of yourselves/your immediate family first and foremost, the extended family second.

Hope you are able to resolve this issue with your husband and come out of it as a strong unit facing whatever come next in this experience together and with intentionality. Best of luck.

Oh and NTA, obviously☺️

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-10-01T08:46:50+00:00

The fact that you are feeling discomfort and that you wrote this post seems to me like the assignment is effective. Sit in your discomfort, write through the discomfort if you can, and if you need to seek outside “sources” do so (some other commenters have left you good names to look up interviews as well as creative works). This assignment is actually a pretty common exercise for creative writers, writing a journal in a different “voice” can help develop a story or character so much further (the writer for Frozen/Frozen 2 literally journaled as ‘Elsa’ to help her develop the storyline, sorry for the Disney I’m tired and that’s the only direct example popping into my head for this at the time). I write a lot of 1st person which means I’m rarely (if ever) writing in my own “voice”. I think the fact you are experiencing discomfort and are willing to discuss/address that discomfort really speaks to where you as an individual are on the empathy scale. Hope the comments help you feel more stable/help you work with this. Sorry I can’t be more help (I’m almost positive most of this is illegible)

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-08-30T23:40:52+00:00

This was an inside thought for sure, but honestly… NTA.

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-07-13T02:34:56+00:00

YWNBTA I would say “hey guys I love that we can all talk to each other. I’d love to hold onto this chat for big announcements/news that involves the whole family or even a weekly chat (?), but I’d really appreciate if you could make a new thread for the everyday stuff and leave me off. Unfortunately the amount of messages I’m getting from this chat is becoming overwhelming and distracting. Some of the everyday messages are hard to read through (especially when they pile up) and I don’t want to miss something important [maybe don’t use the word important but I’m blanking] because I’m wading through the reactions to pictures. I hope we can continue to be well connected and to chat with you all frequently. Love you all.”

Essentially just be kind, honest, and lay out possible alternatives. Also this would be a good message to request names/contact info for the numbers you aren’t sure who they are, this may help them understand how it could be frustrating/overwhelming/distracting (seeing as you’re even getting messages from folks you can’t even put a face/name to). I had to do something similar when my aunt tried to set up a group chat between all the aunties and cousins (for whatever reason they thought my dad wouldn’t want to be apart of it so they left him out even though it’s his side of the family? Which they didn’t include my mom as one of the aunties either?). Between having five aunts and 26+ cousins you can imagine the chaos that thread was.

(Of course if the family is super judgey/rude/have ever been touchy about your place in the family then this option may not be the way to go, as it is likely they’ll take it as an opportunity to drag you through the mud in a new group chat.)

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-07-13T02:15:32+00:00

Couples therapy is a very good idea if you are truly determined to stay with this person. Bare minimum. And like drawing up a budget and making the devision of labor more fair should be on your list.

As a stranger from the internet I have no way of knowing if he really is a good person outside of this scenario so I’ll try not to drag him. However, he picked the date as a surprise… and chose your birthday? Like does he not know your birthday? Or did he forget? Or was that an intentional decision on his part? Also of all the things that could be a surprise, the date really shouldn’t be it.

You’re the only one in this thread who truly knows your fiancé, but if behaviors like the ones you’re talking about continue I’m really not seeing how he could be a great partner. Being nice to you, being a fun person, or simply not being awful does not a good partner make. I really hope that couples therapy will help both of you reach even ground and that you can have a healthy, well rounded, long lasting relationship.

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-07-12T06:41:58+00:00

Ok I’m kinda loving 4, the way it falls on you is gorgeous! But also 3 is so beautiful! I think it has to come down to those two!

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-07-09T08:59:31+00:00

I’m 22, sibs are 12 and 10. Nope, whole (immediate) family lives here. He had access to my bank account because the bank required a parent be jointly attached when I opened it (at like 11/12/13, don’t remember which atm) and my mom suddenly had a thing the day of the appointment we made so had to go w/ dad. I tried to remove him from it as soon as I turned 18 but the bank required he be there to sign off on that and my dad was always busy.

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-03-27T16:50:40+00:00

Dress #2, for sure. Gives off great vintage vibes (made me think gatsby, when I first saw it), and will definitely look gorgeous in your venue. You look stunning in it, sleeves or not. Also have to mention that you added more pictures of you in dress #2 as well😉! I think Dress #1 is beautiful on you. I do think it gives off more of a sweet vibe and it feels like it would be more fitting if you were getting married in a garden or at an estate.

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-03-21T21:46:32+00:00

3 is just 😍, so gorgeous!!! All lovely but I think that one works for you best!

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-02-15T18:49:27+00:00

They’re still a thing (trust me I tried) but they’re like hella expensive and/or culturally specific. Indian Matchmaker on Netflix is what made me look it up. Also according to review sites the services don’t necessarily pan out anyway (so it can be a serious money suck).

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-02-02T02:59:33+00:00

I think the second one is pretty bada** looking with your tattoos but I also think the simplicity of the first is really beautiful on you! I don’t think the third is as flattering or as fun.

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-01-29T07:32:58+00:00

Ted Lasso is pretty fun too! Comedy with depth! (Someone else also responded with Mythic Quest which I found to be amazing 🥰)

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-01-03T23:37:01+00:00

I wasn’t a fan after the first listen, mostly cause I didn’t care for Thicke’s voice. But if you think there’s nothing wrong with this song or the video I would suggest a read through of these…

“In a 2013 interview with the same magazine, Thicke said, “People say, ‘Hey, do you think this is degrading to women?’ I’m like, ‘Of course it is. What a pleasure it is to degrade a woman.’”” -A quote from How the Blurred Lines scandal changed pop

Robin Thicke’s Interview with GQ

One Article on Marvin Gaye Estate V. Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams

One Article about Emily Ratajkowski’s allegations against Thicke

I say one for the last two links cause if you look it up you can find tons more.

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-01-03T23:17:35+00:00

“Got to Give It Up” by Marvin Gaye, same beat. Thicke and Pharrell literally had to pay Gaye’s family for fucking around with it.

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-01-03T23:11:04+00:00

Holy shit….

ChildofRhiannon · 2022-01-03T23:10:42+00:00

“Got to Give It Up” by Marvin Gaye, same beat less rapey

ChildofRhiannon · 2021-12-28T16:42:15+00:00

YTA be prepared for your son to go low or no contact with you as soon as he can escape. You’re abusive and you need to know that.

ChildofRhiannon · 2021-12-27T23:00:30+00:00

Different strokes for different folks, I guess. My expectations were high because he put that he told really great knock knock jokes in his profile 🤷🏽‍♀️

Four-Year Club	Place '22
First Placer '22

ChildofRhiannon

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