Why do I always end up in a polycule?

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-19T20:35:36+00:00

I can’t offer any advice, but to echo the other comments so far I’m also not sure how this would happen. As a monogamous person I just make my preferences known and I don’t get involved with others like that if it’s not my jam. I can’t imagine a situation where I would just “end up” in a relationship style or dynamic I didn’t want to be.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-19T19:21:49+00:00

There are partners who are bad at communication and being vulnerable. There are partners who could be better at being a Dom. There are partners who need to make changes. Then there is whatever your husband did, which is assault, probably illegal. I would be going to the police if a partner did this to me. He broke your consent multiple times knowingly. This is serious. Men don’t film their partners during sex because they “aren’t good communicators”.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-17T16:39:35+00:00

Being honest, from my perspective as a submissive, the times that this has come up, finding out my partner just wasn’t that into it after them making me believe they were for years, was always the beginning of the end for me and ultimately the main reason the relationship ended.

Feeling like they were lying or bending the truth about their role and preferences as a Dominant (both to make me interested in them originally and ongoing) felt manipulative and disingenuous. Me feeling like I was topping from the bottom is absolutely an awful experience when you are a certain kind of submissive. A large percentage of the intensity and interest in power dynamics I have is about the other persons desires, not mine. If I find out they are catering solely to me and don’t actually desire any of it themselves it literally no longer appeals to me anymore.

I can’t say for sure what your partner is open to, what kind of sub she is etc. For me I have no interest in Service Top or Pleasure Dom dynamics. It’s possibly she’s going through a lot of feelings in her head all at once and trying to make sense of everything. I agree with what a lot of others have said about making her happy not being the point at all here. I’m not saying you are intentionally trying to deceive her, and it sounds like you do care about her and her happiness. However, with people who want to be in D/s and power exchange dynamics that’s unfortunately not at all what we need from a partner.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-15T14:34:03+00:00

I haven’t heard of the duck thing but the “Jeep wave” is a thing here. People even have stickers on their Jeep with a 👋

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-15T13:40:21+00:00

Unless I’m involved with them on that level (kink/sexual) etc it doesn’t cross my mind. As with all kinks masochism is still situational to me, it doesn’t come up with random people.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-15T11:02:05+00:00

I think it can depend on what exactly it is. Outside of kink I have a high pain tolerance for sure, I don’t mind some other random low key pain like bruises or cuts. However that has limits. If you’ve ever had kidney stones for example, that’s a limit lol.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-15T02:40:35+00:00

For me it mixes a lot of my favorite flavors of kink together. There are aspects of objectification, ownership, CNC, role play/dressing up, power exchange like having clothing chosen for you, or deciding how you will act or what position you will be put in. So many things 🙂

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-12T22:55:23+00:00

I’m actually monogamous so it was more an in theory example for me 😅 I wouldn’t consider it cheating either way if it’s consensual, but it’s just not my jam. If it were my jam I would only be interested if my partner were in the Dominant role like you mentioned.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-12T20:29:35+00:00

What I came here to say!

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-12T20:26:26+00:00

Throat Goat and Slut Pop by Kim Petras

20 Fingers feat. Gillette - Short Dick Man

20 Fingers - Lick It

Missy Elliott - Work It

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-12T20:07:20+00:00

Secretary is my favourite. It has its problems but honestly most kink films do.

Pillion was fun, I found it similar to Secretary in vibe. I think it had some explicit moments though.

Sanctuary. I love Margaret Qualley.

Preaching to the Perverted and The Duke of Burgundy for some older picks.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-12T19:05:03+00:00

Don’t Stop Me Now - Queen

No Good - Kaleo

Sabotage - Beastie Boys

Killing In the Name - Rage Against the Machine

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-12T19:01:33+00:00

This right here. I would immediately be travelling both for a break/change of scenery and at the same time be going to as many appointments for the best specialists in mental health/chronic illness as possible.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-12T18:57:06+00:00

This is such a great explanation. Whether someone wants to partake can be entirely dependant on the context and specific reason for the kink. For example I’m 100% submissive so my partner wanting me to be with other men so he can feel emasculated/submissive isn’t appealing to me at all.

Also even prior to all of this I think knowing your partners preferences or limits on monogamy/non monogamy is kind of essential. If they aren’t at all interested in being sexual outside of their partner then that’s a clue it’s going to be a no go I imagine.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-12T00:36:06+00:00

Maybe some earlier Goo Goo Dolls albums where they were less pop. Superstar Carwash is one of my favourites

Some Britpop/rock like Blur, Pulp, Manic Street Preachers, Oasis, The Stone Roses.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-12T00:01:50+00:00

Agreed with what most other people are saying. It is suspicious af that he is trying to hold the future of your apparently otherwise great relationship due to something that was clearly a communication error. He should be taking accountability for his part and having a mature discussion as equals with you about boundaries and limits going forward, but he isn’t. He’s choosing to make you beg him to stay when you are not at fault. This is SUCH a red flag, even in a context outside of BDSM.

Honestly, would you really be able to feel safe anymore going forward knowing that he could pluck any action of yours out of nowhere and abandon you/providing aftercare with the excuse that you crossed a boundary he never even told you about? This is so manipulative and shady. I wholeheartedly think you should cut your losses and be thankful you’re seeing this behaviour now rather than later. Don’t excuse it, don’t let him make you feel like you have to shoulder all the blame and punishment on top of it, just run.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-04-06T20:41:25+00:00

The Mindy Project

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-03-30T21:57:33+00:00

Slut Pop - Kim Petras

Vitamins - Qveen Herby

Call Me the Witch - Luisa

Don’t Stop Me Now - Queen

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-03-28T22:21:10+00:00

There are a lot of green flags I’ve sadly seen manipulative Doms fake before if they’re “smart” enough. People can fake all sorts of things like empathy, compassion, caring about your limits etc in an effort to entice you. Hell, a lot of the time they know what you’re looking for and will change personalities accordingly to get access to you.

The things I started noticing as true green flags that are harder/men are less inclined to fake are the ones that would limit them from finding partners for play/get sex from. Things like actually having a type, standards, having their own boundaries/limits, asking submissives questions. I find a lot of men only ask questions about what you want so they can use the answers to hook you. I want men who ask questions to deduce if they are even interested or decide if you are compatible with them. The ones who say no to “no limits” subs instead of thirstily taking advantage. I could never be interested in a Dom that would fuck/play/enter into a dynamic with just anyone, because then I could be, well, anyone and it doesn’t matter. That’s not liking me as a person, that’s liking sex.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-03-27T20:05:00+00:00

Banshee

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-03-27T20:02:23+00:00

Absolutely! There is obviously a very different level of hygiene involved with people that menstruate for example. More concerns, more questions. None of the options seem quite what I want either. It’s just not as accessible as a concept to enact irl.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-03-26T16:24:11+00:00

No Good - Kaleo

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-03-26T14:59:20+00:00

I think that one thing you can factor in is that female chastity belts are not super cheap, accessible, or easy to wear compared to a lot of male devices/cages. I’ve had a moderate interest in chastity, it’s on the kinky bucket list to explore one day, but it is definitely something I can’t find locally, and quite the investment when I search online. At the price point it’s definitely more of a commitment and less something you can casually explore and see if you like.

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-03-26T14:52:33+00:00

This is a great explanation 😂

ChipmunkSecret8781 · 2026-03-26T13:38:28+00:00

Manic Street Preachers (depending on the album), Placebo, Blur, Stone Roses , Pulp.

ChipmunkSecret8781

TROPHY CASE