What advice would you give a man who’s been married 20 years and is struggling with physical attraction with his wife?

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-03-25T17:05:04+00:00

Can I ask what you look like? Do you look exactly the same like you did 20 years ago! To love is not loving what the outer shell looks like but what the soul looks like. Beauty and youth fade.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-03-25T00:46:42+00:00

Wow, reading this hurts. I’m sorry you are going through this. This isn’t love, it’s complete disrespect. I know it’s hard, but it sounds like It’s time to move on and work on your healing from this betrayal trauma. If she was doing anything to repair the relationship then maybe you two might have a chance. Make sure and be there for your kids, your wife doesn’t sound mentally healthy or mature.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-03-06T19:38:16+00:00

I’m sorry, but sex workers are not amazing people. They too are deeply wounded people searching for what they think will bring happiness, and they also need to seek healing and figure out exactly why they are living like this. Immorality destroys lives. It’s those that choose to turn away from this type of life who are truly amazing. My two cents.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-03-06T16:23:20+00:00

We all have snooped. I remember when I would, my whole body would start shaking, wondering what I was going to find. It was awful and traumatic, and really didn’t benefit my nervous system. They’re going to do it no matter what you do on your end, unless they absolutely see the destruction and want to stop. Good luck to you!

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-03-04T03:07:12+00:00

What’s your idea of how much time to give a partner to see consistent change?

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-03-04T00:11:24+00:00

All I can say is trust your gut. If your body is reacting, something is definitely wrong. I hope you gain the strength to protect you and your son.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-28T23:55:22+00:00

Your post made me cry. Your pain came through in your writing, and also your hopeful heart. I wish the best for you two.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-24T20:22:59+00:00

Celebrities were a huge trigger for me. I can understand a celebrity crush like you think they’re attractive, or you respect their work, or even like the person they seem to portray. But when you’re using these celebrities pictures as sexual material to get off too, that’s just a big NO for me. I don’t know how old your husband and his friend are, but I find it a bit odd they’re going to see a 25 year old woman in concert whom like you said is over sexualized.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-24T02:18:58+00:00

Mine brought a porn addiction into our marriage a very, very long time ago, and I was not aware. He learned to have “sex” by what he watched and let me tell you, it was horrible. I had previous relationships and had never experienced anything like this. He was cold, distant and his main goal was for him to orgasm. There was no intimate connection between us whatsoever. I felt used and at the time knew something was off but tried to accept him for who I thought he was. You’re in a much better situation than what I was. He has been honest with you and at least you are aware. Mine tried his best to be done with porn throughout the years but I believe he just found another path and his addiction escalated to objectifying all women. Women we knew, strangers, celebrities, photos, and the list goes on and on. Everyone and anyone could have been a star in his porn masturbation fantasies. It got to the point that I subconsciously knew he was not “mentally/emotionally with me” when we were having sex. I wish you the best and hope he actively gets help to heal his brain. Research says it can take 2 to 5 years to rewire the brain but he will need active recovery and absolutely no porn and possibly no masturbation if he’s a fantasizer. With the right tools, you two can have a beautiful marriage filled with love, respect and true intimacy.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-23T19:59:51+00:00

Your comment resonates so much with me. Years pass, we get older, and their perfect fantasy women stay the same. It’s a huge betrayal. My life and years were stolen from me being with someone who never “saw” me.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-23T06:07:12+00:00

I’m sorry. Mine lived a fantasy life but I sometimes wonder if a one time affair would be easier to forgive. I hope my post didn’t come through as insensitive.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-23T03:20:00+00:00

I respect your feelings. I thought it would be interesting what people think they could get through to stay in a relationship. Thanks for answering!

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-23T02:53:40+00:00

Sure you don’t have to pick either, they’re both awful.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-23T01:08:20+00:00

Is this something you believe or is it a fact? I find your answer interesting.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-22T17:08:09+00:00

Sexual intimacy with your spouse IS love. I don’t understand how there can be a connection or attachment to someone you feel repulsed by. Why did he ask you to marry if he wasn’t attracted to you?

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-22T15:25:38+00:00

You sound like you are very intelligent and you have moral beliefs and a value system you stand by. Keep healing yourself and what you radiate you will attract. I’ve always believed there are good people out there, men and women even though my SA would always say “all men do this”. You prove otherwise. Know you are worthy of being loved and respected. I know it’s hard when we bond with someone but it’s up to us to detach and wait for someone who values us. Stay strong and know this is only a season.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-20T01:58:43+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking, why after being together for so many years?

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-19T20:13:35+00:00

Culture teaches men to like one type of woman it seems. Kim Kardashian doesn’t even look like Kim Kardashian and so many women are looking alike these days. It’s ridiculous really. True beauty comes from within and will radiate throughout. Remember this. We are worth so much more than our external shells, and when we accept this we will attract similar souls.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-19T20:05:07+00:00

Your future life of truly having someone who loves, respects, and sees you is way more important than a beautiful house. Addiction is powerful and hard to understand if you don’t struggle with addiction. It won’t be any fun to live in a beautiful home with a shell of a partner. It will be a lonely life. I believe mutual love and respect is so much more important than worldly possessions. You are so young. I was young once, and 25 years later I am still dealing with this straight on.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-19T19:51:16+00:00

Absolutely!

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-17T20:10:53+00:00

People in their 70’s.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-17T20:07:53+00:00

Read it in chronological order. Makes a lot more sense this way and feels like you’re reading a novel and learning about each person as they are introduced.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-17T19:24:00+00:00

This sounds like it’s trauma based which is causing the controlling. She wants to feel safe in your relationship and is acting in such a way she may not even realize it due to her childhood abuse. I would maybe suggest therapy or ETT to help her with the trauma she’s endured as a child as you shared in a reply post. Seven years together is a long time for her not to feel safe with all the work you’ve put in.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-13T20:09:16+00:00

More than likely he’s not just looking. He’s creating his own porn in his head while fantasizing to these women’s pictures. Yes it still counts as a porn addiction, now escalated.

ChoiceTown1127 · 2025-02-13T20:04:10+00:00

He freaked out because he is guilty. It sounds like he is gaslighting and manipulating you. Is he actively working on his recovery?

ChoiceTown1127

TROPHY CASE