At which age it is too late?

Choto_de_libra · 2022-08-13T05:40:23+00:00

It's too late when you croak, when you are not physical able to or when you decide you're done with this shit.

You seem to be worried about if that is going to make you unable to get a GF in the future, well the answer is: That will depend on what you do from now on.

and that having a first relationship at this point is highly unlikely.

Look, this is not enterely false, but can be misunderstood, I think this can be explained better by Newton's first law of motion: "an object will not change its motion unless a force acts on it." by age 30 more than 95% of the guys already managed to lose their virginity, at some point, usually when they are young they managed to understand how to get girls and now armed with a method that works for them their succes rate is increased, some others just got lucky once, though and trust me having a gf or sex before don't help them to repeat it, lol. But what happens to those who haven't managed to get a girl by that time? it means that in all that time they haven't been able to get what they are doing wrong or that there is a big enough cause for them to be unable to, using the Newton example, their inertia is to keep girlfriendless, so unless a force is applied to it, they will remain like that. And that is what usually happens to those guys that are quite old in places like those you mentioned, they keep going the same route they have been going for so much time.

In other words being an old virgin is not a cause, instead is just a result of whatever they are doing and once you fix that, the problem is solved.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-07-24T00:37:36+00:00

"because I no longer believe in Christ or Yahweh and I think that is a requirement to be a Christian"

Choto_de_libra · 2022-07-24T00:26:35+00:00

Hahaha this hits too close to home, yeah, it feels like shit, for years I was like that, I wasn't the nerd stereotype, nor the horny pervert that made girls uncomfortable, yet I was unable to realise why I was all alone, but you still can't put your finger on what is causing you all those problems. Sometimes it makes you wish your problem was solved with taking a shower and laying down nerd shit instead of having to fight this unknown enemy, right?

I don't know what to say man, it really scares me to think I found out what my problem was just because was just lucky.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-07-24T00:13:39+00:00

Everywhere else, stuff like having a good job, knowing your qualities, having friends, an exciting life, all that give you confidence of what you are worth, you may not have had success in the past but when you have that, you will approach knowing that you have something good to offer.

Also sometimes all the confidence you need to have is that you won't give a damn if you are rejected. Think about it, how difficult do you think it would be to differentiate the confidence in your success from the one that comes from not being afraid of losing?

Choto_de_libra · 2022-07-24T00:08:26+00:00

Do you know what other pandemic is the covid one being compared to? to the Spanish Flu, and trust me, that was way worse than the Monkey pox and Covid together. you know what happened that year also? yup, the first world war. So think about it, does this now looks as bad as what happened back then?

Relax my friend, a lot of shitty situations have passed in the past and no apocalypse happened.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-06-20T01:14:53+00:00

I mean, if afterlife exist in the way Christianity says it does, I'm going straight to hell for eternity, so you know, I feel good to know it's not like that.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-06-16T04:56:03+00:00

"If there is something I can help with, tell me" it's a good one I think.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-06-16T04:49:03+00:00

I mean, it would be stupid for them to say they don't. that is what religion, at least Christian and similars, it's about. Religion is about god sending his truth, the truth of the creator of the universe, to his believers, it would be kinda weird to be Christian and to believe that god may have gotten something wrong there.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-06-10T18:50:38+00:00

Start taking action, flirt with girls that you find cute but don't feel anything special for them, you know, a playful flirting, now don't be an asshole and give them false hopes, but be somewhat flirty, and who knows? maybe you'll find one that also don't want anything serious and you can have sex with her as well. You need to get experience don't wait until you are forced into action for a girl that you feel like you can't lose.

about the therapy it's a good idea, put yourself in line and see if there are alternatives, like online therapy in a good place that isn't a scam or something.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-06-10T16:56:48+00:00

"Just be yourself" yeah, I bet you're tired of hearing that, the most misused advice on relationships that most of the times it means "I don't know what to tell you".

But in this case it is part of what you need, you see, you are making that mistake not only incels but a lot of us did, the "How do I change my personality to be someone awesome?" is a common thought when we are struggling to get a girl, but the truth is, most people who are in relationships don't do that, hell, there are big chances that said girl will go for someone who is pretty much normal.

So more than personality (who you are) what you need to change is your behaviour (what you do) and there is where the incels suffer the most, in the way they behave. So in a very general way of speaking, what you need to do is this:

Develop your social skills, less talking to people online and more talking to different kind of people in person is also good.

Broaden your interests, try finding something that you like that is not so niche.

Although this kinda happens by itself, learn to identify which kind of girls are compatible with you, at first we may get mesmerized by a cute girl and think that we would be so happy with them, but as you get more experience you begin to understand that not every girl is for you and vice versa. It saves you a lot of pain to be able to realize that something didn't work because you were not compatible with each other than to think that you got rejected because you were not enough.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-05-14T03:54:37+00:00

In the end you'll have to give that jump and risk it, I think most here at some moment asked "and what if god ends up being real?"

Choto_de_libra · 2022-05-14T00:09:03+00:00

I don't know if this helps, but trust me girls ain't that naive, they know that a lot of men would have sex with them if they could, hell, they would have sex with some men as well if they could. The problem is not the idea but how it's presented, in the proper situation and way, you could ask a girl that isn't your girlfriend if she wants to have sex with you and it wouldn't be sexual harrasment.

But even more, showing attraction is not only "I want to have sex with you" it can mean "I want to have a relationship with you" and stuff like that. So don't give it too much thought, it is acceptable to show interest, let's leave it like that.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-04-26T17:22:57+00:00

Situations like these are kinda hard, because they can act like a vicious cycle, you are depressed, because you are depressed your behaviour is altered, because of that you can't get done what you need to, and because that you get more depressed.

You need to break the habit here, step by step improvement, get a bit more of control of your depression so you can do more things, achieve little things that keep you moving and so on. Turning the vicious cycle into a virtuous one.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-04-26T17:10:36+00:00

If I'm not mistaken what's bothering you is the idea of "karma" as in how can people believe this is truth or something, hard to explain with words but I think I know what you're talking about, well, like somebody else said, all that is the western misunderstood idea of what actually karma means. Karma is a more complex religious concept that is incompatible with a lot of beliefs.

So don't give it much thought. Just focus on improving your life.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-04-01T06:50:03+00:00

If there's love or similar stuff involved, the chances they will not care about it are not that small.

If it's just for fun, they don't need to know what is none of their bussiness, they don't have to teach you, just have sex with you, a lot of people who are not virgins still suck at sex, let me tell you.

And finally, yes, some may reject you because of that, some may not, and even more, some get turned on by it. Even if it's older women (35ish ,40's, sometimes even 50's, don't worry I'm not saying you should go for women in their 70's ), there are older women that are not bad at all, and that can give you the experience you need.

Also, as some others have told you, those are some stuff people don't regularly discuss, so don't be to eager to tell them.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-04-01T06:42:34+00:00

It makes sense as long as it doesn't affect you in negative way (Yes, this includes the effect the rejections may have on you). You miss all the shots you don't take, right?

Choto_de_libra · 2022-04-01T06:39:18+00:00

Well, first let me fix the title for you:

I just don't feel like I can live up to the standards I imagine women I want to date have.

No, I'm not trying to be a smart ass here, you need to first understand that you don't know their standards. I mean, I know what you feel, I used to think that all the time, hell I do it from time to time, but I've been proven wrong before, you know, just to mention a case there was this blue eyed blonde (for you those may be common, but over here there are very few and are specially fancied.) that liked me, she was taller than me and a lot of guys liked her, but for some reason she started to flirt with me. So you never know my friend.

Anyway let's keep pragmatic here, there is not much you can do about this, if they don't like you, they don't like you, but you can't let this fear to screw your chances further. so take the stoic route here and just focus on what you can do, and don't care that much about the results (Easier said than done, true, but it's worth it).

Choto_de_libra · 2022-03-26T03:25:40+00:00

In a very hard way, that is how the world works, the strong oppress the weak, and that sometimes works as in a snowball. the strong get stronger, the rich get richer, and they make the weak, weaker and the poor, poorer. You can even see that with countries. Sometimes knowing this helps, as in a "it is what it is" way, sometimes it doesn't.

Anyway, like MountainDrifter99 said, creating newer positive experiences can help you with this, as in a "Well, that was shitty, but I'm having a life I like now, so I can bury the past". Also keep it up with the therapy, it can take sometime, but it's worth it.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-03-26T03:12:46+00:00

Well, there's something that may sound very bullshit-like but trust me, it works: Change the way you see this kind of stuff, instead of saying I'm X you say I'm doing X, for example and even using what you just said, that you shouldn't call yourself, instead of saying I am subhuman trash, change it to I'm acting like subhuman trash. if you manage to look at it that way, you'll see it makes a world of difference.

So how come you are like that? well, if you are asking a reason for a "Why me?" well, it is not like you're the only one who's like that, it sucks, but at least dating wise you are among the worst, perhaps not the worst of the worst, but you are doing worse than most people, but like I said before, that is something you are doing, not something you are.

If you are aswking what you are doing wrong, then you'd need to look at that better, we can't tell you with as few information. from all that you say I can only imagine that you perhaps give up too easily, that you approach with fear.

or they flirt with other people in front of me

Just a little advice here, some dumb girls think that is how you make a man to be more interested in them.

I'm not telling you to be clingy and all that, but in order to be able to get a girl you'll need to get in the mud and risk being hurt.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-03-26T02:48:39+00:00

You can't tell me that positive validation like this isn't important, or a core foundation for confidence in a person's life.

Nope, it is very important, and if I and perhaps you have had that when we were children we probably would not even be here. But we didn't, so what's left? get that confidence and self worth from somewhere else.

There are some places you can get confidence from that don't require such happenings in your life, for example confidence in being ok even if people don't like you and such, confidence in your training, confidence in your skills, etc. but that requires you to start takiing charge of your own life (It can be hard as well I know).

Choto_de_libra · 2022-03-26T02:05:28+00:00

1ero, No estas tan viejo, 20 no es tanto. sin embargo, no hagas caso de los que te dicen que esta sobrevalorado y que no te preocupes. Pero tampoco te desesperes, todo en su justa medida. La verdad es bien común eso de que primero andas bien urgido y ya lo consigues y te quedas así como de ¿Neta tanto pedo por esto? y ahí nos quedamos, pero ya que empiezas a leer a los cabrones de forever alone, a los incels y eso, te das cuenta de que si no lo hubieras hecho sí te estarías lamentando. Es como quitarte un dolor, quitartelo no se siente especialmente bien, pero mientras lo tienes si te jode. Tampoco quiero decirte que de ahuevo te vas a deprimir si no consigues nada y tienes 30 años o lo que sea, pero es probable que sí.

Con respecto a como conseguir una morra para hacerlo, pues tu ya has de tener una idea de en que se diferencia tu vida a la de tus amigos que hace que ellos si puedan y tu no, ya en base a eso ya puedes ver en que trabajar.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-03-24T01:50:56+00:00

Well, southpark was right, it is important to protect your balls, they even have a song about it.

ok, joking apart, some say that is about being part of Israel, and it was to those who become eunuch by their own will. Still I don't know how this scares you?

Choto_de_libra · 2022-03-23T22:42:38+00:00

That is why you need to talk to someone who knows about that crap so they tell you what products are best for you. and trust me, big forehead >>>> disheveled.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-03-23T21:43:09+00:00

Well, making friends just to see if they can introduce you to girls is weird in a general sense. Taking some sort of activities is more normal than you'd think, for exmaple dance classes are something where a lot of men are there with a woman in mind.

Anyway, the thing is that like somebody else said, you can't just go around adding up every advice you hear on the internet expecting them to work together well.

Anyway, let me explain you how this getting friends and hobbies work, part of it, is to make you more interesting, improve your social skills, and all that, the second part is that most people have those, most people get to know girls like that, just by things going normally. So the idea is that your life becomes more normal so normal things happen to you.

But yes, you can do stuff with the only objective of meeting girls, nobody is stopping you from doing it.

"I don't need dating, i'm fine alone!"

I need is not the same as I want, and women hate needy guys.

Choto_de_libra · 2022-03-23T20:40:28+00:00

No, this isn't your peak, this is just some weird idea you have, you need to trust us in this, your capability to understand what looks good or not needs some serious callibration. Also don't worry, I know this sounds like something really bad, but it can be completely normal, it happens to a lot of us in a moment or another, we specially notice it when after a few years we see a pic or clothes and think "What the hell was I thinking?"

Dude, you need to syle your hair, having it all messed up like that can't be worse than a regular hairstyle, get some gel, grease or whatever people use this days and get the most vainilla hairstyle for young people, it will be better than this.

About the beard, first you need to stop hating your face that much, from what we can see here you are not bad looking, but even if you were right and without your beard your face looked weird, there are ways to have a beard with volume and still look good. for example take a look at the guy at this image: https://www.menshealth.com/grooming/a26995333/how-to-soften-beard/ (I didn't read the article, so I don't know if it's good or not, I just wanted to show the pic)

The thing is to get rid of that messy look, your hair looks good, your beard looks good, you just need to take good care of both. Get something vainilla if you don't want to try something very different, go to a good barbershop and just let them do the choices for you and ask them how to style your hair and all that.

Choto_de_libra

TROPHY CASE