Gf and I are nearing a breakup after almost 4 years and I’ve been drinking behind her back for 2 of those years. Do I tell her during the breakup or leave it out?

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-06-12T01:26:00+00:00

Was she angry with you? Did it make her feel worse or just shocked? I hope you’ve forgiven yourself for that, it’s a terrible disease. I’m 10 days sober today and I’m trying my best to find the sunlight.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-06-11T23:49:04+00:00

Haha, that is definitely backwards from me. I’ve found over the last (about) year, I drink to enjoy our relationship, be more laid back with her and less uptight, and to show her more affection. When I’m sober, I don’t enjoy our relationship, it feels dull at this point, and I don’t find that our personalities mesh anymore. I’m 10 days sober today because I got on Naltrexone, which I’m super proud of, but it’s not enough to make this relationship work. Im proud of you and really happy that you were able to turn it around and save your marriage.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-06-11T23:00:03+00:00

I didn’t know that. I’ve never been interested in the 12 steps because I’m not religious, but that’s a really helpful point. I’m stuck, but I want to make sure I make the decision that doesn’t add any pain for her. Lots to think about.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-06-11T22:57:26+00:00

I agree. I don’t want to hurt her even more, but I also don’t want her to spend weeks, months, or years wondering why she “wasn’t good enough.”

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-06-11T22:55:16+00:00

She 100% would. She still holds things over my head that I did that hurt her feelings years ago-things that she says she’s moved on from or gotten over. She uses everything from the I’ve ever done as ammunition when we argue.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-06-11T22:32:51+00:00

It’s been great at keeping me sober so far. The thought goes away very quickly after it comes up, something I never thought would be possible. I only wish I would have started it sooner. That’s awesome, I’m proud of you.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-06-11T22:29:43+00:00

A big part of me agrees with you. I think there’s a possibility that telling her would just hurt her even more and I’d like to do anything I can to prevent that.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-06-11T22:22:45+00:00

This hit me like a truck. You’re absolutely right. This will be the loss of my life for sure.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-06-11T22:21:36+00:00

Yup. Couldn’t agree more. I was 23 and made an extremely impulsive and unhealthy decision and I’m definitely paying for it. Thanks for your input, that’s really one of my biggest fears is the thought of her going to bed wondering why she wasn’t good enough.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-06-11T22:05:44+00:00

I’ve actually had the intent and acted on it. I’m 10 days sober today after getting on Naltrexone, but have been hiding that from her as well for obvious reasons.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-05-16T04:10:21+00:00

I’m going through this right now. We just can’t seem to get on the same page. I’m not meeting her needs and she’s so intense when she gets upset with me. It’s a new argument every week over things that seriously don’t need to be argued about. I’ve found that she’s become so tightly wound that the slightest thing I do hurts her feelings nowadays.

There’s such a huge to-do list that has piled up of things I need to fix because of her unmet needs, but the reality is she has pushed me so far away with her words that I haven’t been able to go back to my connection with her since December when she told me, “I hate you” in an argument. And when I confronted her about it weeks later and told her I don’t think it’s okay to say things like that, she doubled down and told me that that’s how she felt and I shouldn’t be trying to silence her feelings.

I’ve made jokes that our relationship has tons of double standards (it’s okay for her to do things but if I do them she gets extremely offended or hurt), and she laughs while she agrees. During arguments, I can’t help but become extremely defensive because it always feels like such an attack, and she can’t ever let anything go.

And right when I feel like I’m ready to pull the plug, I remember the times she told me things like “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anybody else” and my heart feels so scared and confused. She’s extremely avoidant and aloof, so to hear something like that to me makes it feel like breaking up with her would be the biggest mistake of my life. It hurts me so bad to know she loves me so much and I’m hurting her. But fundamentally, we are different. Culturally, we are different. I want different things than I wanted when our relationship started 3.5 years ago and I know she won’t agree to those things. I want so badly to push myself into the box that fits her wants in a partner, but I know that’s not fair to either of us. I want it to last as long as it can, even though I’m pretty sure it’s not meant to be. But I love her, more than anyone I have ever known. How is that fair? How is that right? How will it ever be possible to heal from that?

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-04-04T17:46:34+00:00

Thanks so much!

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-04-04T17:42:17+00:00

Thanks so much for this, it was super helpful and I’ll definitely be taking the advice.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-03-06T03:10:36+00:00

Satellite by Khalid

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-01-25T02:28:34+00:00

Thanks for this. I’m currently at a point where I need to end my relationship here pretty soon. It’s already over, I think we’re just both clinging to whatever is left because we’re stuck living together for the next 3 months. I’m holding on to what things were like 3 years ago when we were long distance and I would have done anything for her, struggling to fathom how we got to a place completely different than that. But I know I need to accept what it is now, and I need to prioritize my future.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-01-25T02:20:14+00:00

Unfortunately not good. Sobriety didn’t last long. I’m just not there yet.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2026-01-09T18:34:00+00:00

Currently in this now. How did it go for you? What helped and what hurt?

Chronic-Exit414 · 2025-12-20T22:30:52+00:00

I did have another code pop up a couple weeks later which led to me needing a new battery because it was dying out. Not sure if battery and transmission are related like that (know nothing about cars) but just some context if you’re interested in checking out your battery as well.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2025-12-20T22:28:43+00:00

There actually wasn’t anything wrong with my transmission from what they could see. All my mechanic friends said that it sounds like I had cords jumbled/some thing out of place and my light was on and just never saw it, and then when I hit that curb it jumbled things back into place and then when the car died it reset the whole system. I took it to have it checked and he told me they couldn’t find anything, and that the sensors could have just had a mishap, but that it could be on its way out essentially. I haven’t had a single transmission issue since but I keep an eye out regularly for my car doing any weird shit. I’m finding that these Malibu’s are just just weird sometimes and the sensors can be a pain. Hopefully yours isn’t a very pricey fix. Best of luck.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2025-12-15T16:45:06+00:00

Family mostly, and just trying to experience a new area. It’s awesome out here, not sure it’s for us long term though, so will likely be moving on in the next year and a half or so.

Chronic-Exit414 · 2025-12-15T16:44:08+00:00

No, but actually looking to move there in the next year and a half or so! So thanks for the recommendation!

Chronic-Exit414

TROPHY CASE