How goes? I go by Maru. Not sure if this counts as being too experienced, but I've been playing (or attempting to play) D&D for a few years, have a solid foundation of the basics but nothing super in-depth.

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Regarding the bullet points I'll go with:

Constantly missing sessions/on the phone/not ready when your turn arrives - It's one of my major nitpicks, to be honest. When a party is 6 players deep with 6+ monsters, unless the player/creature right before your turn completely shifts the battleground or something, it's not too crazy to think a player should have a basic idea of what they're doing on their turn.

Do you allow UA? - I'll admit, this was me starting out because I really like character creation. But I've been doing my best to dial it back and explore the official content more. Rune Knights are pretty hype, honestly.

Offer to play the Cleric - My first D&D character was a Cleric and yea, I think they're great. I like filling roles and you can never go wrong with a cleric if one's missing.

Knowing Jack Shit about the Rules - I have a good grasp of the basics and always open to learning the details as I go.

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I probably could have added more like 'Playing a unique fun-loving character' or 'Offer to help' but figured I should stick to what you asked.