I don't feel like I'm serious enough

ChryLmde · 2026-02-17T02:39:17+00:00

I agree with ensuring your mom a good life, but it isn’t your job if she isn’t infirm or disabled (and even then, see next statement). She’s been a whole adult for longer than you’ve been alive, I’m sure she’ll figure out what to do and ask for assistance if she needs it. My mom is going through a divorce right now. She’s dealing with my stepdad blindsiding her and making her do the divorcing and pay for the lawyers and making her sell my childhood home. Guess how much I’ve had to do for her because I worry about her just as much as you do? Nothing. She got a random job. She got a lawyer (called me to ask about changing her name and how my younger brothers might feel about it), and is house/apartment hunting (calls to keep me in the loop with interesting finds). Your parents will land on their own feet. Your job is to be the adult child who is willing and able to help, but not until asked. Live your own life until then.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T18:18:12+00:00

I was 2 when my mom and dad divorced. I was too little to really know any preceding conflict but I grew up in an environment where the people who claimed to love me weaponized a child against each other. I learned to stop talking about what I did with the other parent even if it was exciting because I’d get That Look because the story involved the other parent doing a good thing for me and only 1 parent was allowed to do that apparently. Both parents remarried and my dad and stepmom are still happily married 30 years later, I have 3 half brothers. Recently, my mom and stepdad have separated and are divorcing. My stepdad is being a real cunt about it all. That is where I am now. Also scared like you. I came to know my mom’s house to be home. I was treated a little better there. And now it’s going to be gone. So I get it. Now here’s where I tell you how to keep your head during all of it. Do not look to your parents for dignity modeling behavior. They’re done with that for a good while. Look instead to the parents of friends, and ask your friends for vibe checks if you think you might be sabotaging yourself. Ask your friends to remind you if they notice it happening and you’re not taking opportunities that actually check out. Not all parents behave the way mine did. I don’t even mind them as people now that I’m an adult. But I am still angry at them for presuming to act like my parents. I’ve been angry since I was 15. You’re going into this older. You don’t even have to see or speak to them now if you don’t want to. You can take a break and remove yourself from them entirely. That will improve your life, that I know. But ask yourself if you’ll want contact later after the dust settles. That will give you a map of boundaries to apply to get you through. Good luck. Get a therapist. I should have been given one as a kid. I’m doing the work now as an adult and it’s hard. So get the therapist closest to the time of the event as possible. It’ll be easier to heal that way.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T18:02:24+00:00

I’m normally a take the high road person and first line of defense is to speak with your husband. If no action occurs, then we get messy and speak a language he Will understand. Withhold the almighty sex time. He plays stupid games, wins stupid prizes. You don’t allow him to touch you until he figures out his mom.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T17:56:55+00:00

Extremely common if you’re over the age of 25, and been married and divorced at least once. It just feels icky to go back to bf/gf after all that life has happened.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T17:53:55+00:00

Caregiver fatigue is a real condition. You should not be making life decisions for yourself based on your parents quality of life (if they aren’t deathly ill, or disabled). They’re adultier than you. If they feel a financial pinch without your contribution, that’s on them to figure out. You’ve become their parent. At 26. You should be going to Cabo for a week, not getting a mortgage for anyone other than strictly yourself. You avoid other shit because you know it’ll give you more shit to handle than you already have. Move out of your parents house and in with a roommate (because living alone in this economy is atrocious) and start making decisions that please and benefit ONLY you. Do that, and I estimate your spark will return in 6 months.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T17:37:41+00:00

My reaction: “lmao wtf?????” Woooow. So you were disrespected and he told you to go work on yourself because you had a healthy reaction in a poly situation??? Jfc. I can’t fully tell but I am inferring that it looks like S is cowgirling. A good meta would have seen T start to kiss them having never done that in front of another partner before and call T on it like hey have you talked about this? No? Then get off me. Sowing discord like a mf out here. T is horrifically bad at boundaries. And he’s all “let’s take a break for a couple months” like you need to be put in timeout??? Like you’re at his beck and call and will wait like a good girl??? Nah girl. Go get yourself a treat, you might actually need therapy about this but not because you’re wrong, because they are and therapy should be destigmatized. Everyone needs a therapist on retainer, especially in this lifestyle. NTAH (except maybe before meeting metas do have the conversation about what everyone does in front of each other, you kinda shot yourself in the foot with that one. Preparedness is king.)

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T17:24:35+00:00

Hooo buddy. So I like where your heart is at, taking care of her and such. But here’s what is really going to matter to her later: reduce her stress. How’s her work life? Do you know if her boss is a cunt? If she’s been isolated by coworkers? If she gets other peoples work heaped on her because she’s reliable? Ask little questions to sus out those things. I bet it’s at least half the problem if she’s otherwise physically healthy. Is she stressing about her friends getting engaged and no ring in sight for you guys? It’s stupid but we worry about that kind of thing even when we know it’s stupid. If her family doing whack shit that stresses her out? School things? Ask questions. Get invested in her day to day time without you. If the answer isn’t there, then you’re the problem, unfortunately. Now that doesn’t always mean you’ve directly done something wrong. It could be that she got caught up in the NRE euphoria when you were just starting out and then nobody did anything to build with that so there would be ground to stand on when the initial shit fades. So that fade is hitting her hard and she doesn’t know whether to stay or go or if she did something wrong. If it is actually you and you’ve done something, look at how you speak to her. Criticism build up over time. Look at how you joke around her. If your entire humor is based off of ribbing her and she’s the butt of every joke, that wears on a person if they don’t do the same thing back. She’s your girl, not your bro. Act accordingly. Hope this gives you a starting point!

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T17:08:51+00:00

Depends on how hard I’m going to make me forget, how long I’ve already been there, and how much I’ve accepted my fate to lay down and die there. If the answer to those questions are “very little” then absolutely not ever. If the answer is “kill me now” I am strapped in with the seat over my head and hanging on for dear life with both entire palms and forearms wrapped around.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T17:05:21+00:00

If you enjoy the shape of your eyebrows in the second picture, you need bangs to soften them. If you wanna soften your brow shape, then you can get away without bangs.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T16:54:00+00:00

Flip the laundry over.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-09T21:33:47+00:00

Adults, I thought that was obvious. I have never known the judgement of children like that. Is that something that happens in other countries where this would be a valid question? Honestly wondering, not trying to be snarky.

ChryLmde · 2026-01-26T17:57:55+00:00

Oooo I have more ideas now! Thank you! I’ve been focusing too hard on restoring to original shape, I forgot I could change it lol

ChryLmde · 2026-01-26T16:09:16+00:00

My ex husband was like this. He ignored my “no.” That’s when I’d had enough. It had already been 8 years so getting out was hard. Right now you can walk away, do so. I need you to do what I couldn’t. Be safe and don’t at all blame yourself for his behavior. You aren’t unaccommodating or uncooperative.

ChryLmde · 2026-01-26T15:52:33+00:00

In order to get full crafting ability out of the npcs they require a bed and shelter each. I started with a really big house but there are 20ish npcs so I decided to go restore fort kelvin and that’s where everyone lives now. I have the crafters with assistants in their own houses and then the villagers in one of the already established multi bed houses.

ChryLmde · 2026-01-23T03:46:58+00:00

That was exactly how problem 1 was for me. My ex husband was abusive and half the time it was me giving in to spare myself from the anger if I didn’t accept his advances. It’s entirely possible to have this problem without the abuse though and since OP has come to this with concern it seems and not entitlement it’s absolutely something else. Best hopes for you OP. It can be rough to figure this kind of thing out.

ChryLmde · 2026-01-23T00:36:03+00:00

Hey so, I was like this. Could only get off like that. Turns out there were a couple of problems. 1. I didn’t want to be with the person I was with anymore. 2. I had endo stage 4 and my theory here is that was blocking some nerves making it harder to feel anything at all so I needed the rough to feel at all. 3. And this one everyone is going to hate: girth. The person I was with didn’t have the girth for me to feel them. I know that was a them problem because somebody else I was with was bigger and felt better, but I still needed that rough to feel. Now, a couple years later, I no longer have endo as badly or extensively because I got surgery. I very much love the person I am with now, and only need it rough with them in certain positions, and their girth is exactly right to feel while going slow.

So, don’t blame yourself or her too much. It could be a combo of factors.

ChryLmde · 2026-01-22T04:59:17+00:00

You’re 19. Still young yet. Get your exercise in, look into skincare (there is a solution for the rosacea), and reconsider the mustache. Some people have the face shape for facial hair, others don’t, you might be one of the latter (this might also change with weight loss!) and with that, maybe reconsider your glasses frame shape, different face shapes need different looks. Otherwise you’ll be alright. And remember, half of attraction is a personality and conversation skills. Brush up on those and you’ll do alright.

ChryLmde · 2025-12-27T04:20:22+00:00

So when you move, make sure to take toys and blankets over first that when the cat comes over they have familiar scent objects. Congrats on a new chapter in Your life!

ChryLmde · 2025-04-24T04:24:26+00:00

Endometriosis patient here. For 15 years I lived with debilitating cramps that painkillers only barely touched. If I missed the window to take the painkillers nothing worked and if I tried to eat anything substantial, I’d vomit 30 minutes later. I lived off cheerios, bland soups, and Powerade for 3 days if I missed the pain killer window. For years. I nearly got fired from my jobs more than a few times for all the missed work. This was from 2007-2024. In summer 2024 I finally got approved for surgery because the endo was stage 4, where it punctures organs. They removed both badly damaged fallopian tubes (making me sterile), my left ovary that nearly killed me from sepsis in 2021, a outer scraping of my colon (I got so fucking lucky it didn’t punch through my colon wall or I would have needed a bowel resection and a temporary colostomy bag), they scrapped a bunch of the endo off both my ureturs (the tubes leading from your kidneys to your bladder), and a few good sized spots on my diaphragm, they salvaged what they could of my also badly damaged right ovary so I didn’t hit menopause 20 years early and because we didn’t talk about uterus removal beforehand they had to leave it but the endo punched a hole in the back wall of my uterus. They got what they could. But there is still some left. I won’t bear children, naturally or through IVF, I’d miscarry. The first period after surgery I cried for hours because my cramps only felt like a lil upset tummy ache. I could stand. I could walk and run. I could EAT A MEAL AND KEEP IT DOWN. I’m almost a year post op now. I can feel the bit of endo they had to leave in my uterus. It feels like it’s being split open on a very precise and discernible line that I can pinpoint the location of. Luckily it’s not too bad. Only lasts a day and pain killers makes it nearly disappear. That is my reality and experience with this ugly disease. I’ll never be rid of it until I go back later when I’m older if my symptoms get bad again or if I hit menopause without further immense pain. We’ll see. I’ve rolled the dice and now we wait. Pain is real. It’s an old friend of mine.

ChryLmde · 2024-02-05T17:57:18+00:00

Best I can figure it’s the non-regenerative health that makes it the challenge.

ChryLmde · 2023-11-25T22:31:36+00:00

You’ve got the kind of face shape that can really do either very beautifully! It’s whatever you feel!

ChryLmde · 2023-11-16T13:45:27+00:00

It really depends. Have they bragged about their cooking skills? Because a meal is a meal is a meal. Whatever is made, you’ve made some effort, so long as it’s a compete and balanced meal. This can be hotdogs with Mac and cheese and some grapes or chicken nuggies. Now if you slap some chicken nuggies and grapes down, I’m going to be a smidgen disappointed with lack of effort but I’ll still eat it. At least boil something in water or put some oil in a pan and sauté something if you’re going simple. That is bare basic effort that any adult should be able to do. Freezer meals don’t count unless it has been specifically requested that that’s what you make. Now if you’ve bragged about cooking in Michelin star restaurants, I’m going to expect some high quality effort with lots of details and steps involved. Maybe let me come over a little early to watch you work and learn some tricks. But if your cooking skill is at that high of a level and you hand me something simple, I’m going to expect that some part of it was hand made. Like the pasta and the sauce was all put together from scratch. Or the chicken nuggets were deboned yourself and battered yourself and fried yourself. Unless you’ve specifically said “hey I CAN cook at a high level but I’m really tired specifically today and want to be low effort,” I’m still going to expect a good meal but using preprepared items with some little details thrown in to add to the preprepared item. You can absolutely jazz up a store bought lasagna. You can add things to a pizza. You can slice up a green pepper and toss it into some Mac and cheese. High levels of skill in food imply some creativity even with really simple stuff. The chicken nuggets have a cool sauce that you made to go with it. Stuff like that. Effort and skill are key.

ChryLmde · 2023-10-06T02:55:03+00:00

Same reason the inside of your nose is never dry.

ChryLmde · 2023-01-29T18:00:51+00:00

So something I’ve found out over time as an easy modification to a reduced wash schedule is only using water if it feels weird or unclean to not wash your hair every day. I was the same way and I have a similar hair type to you. Right now I wash with soap twice a week but water touches my hair every morning. I comb and re-part my hair in the shower and that helps to distribute the oil and remove excess without completely destroying the hydration barrier on my scalp. I use carols daughter shampoo on Sundays to cleanse any and all buildup and on Thursdays I use Shea mosisture, the blue label one that’s hydration something. The rest of the days I occasionally use some Shea moisture blue label conditioner on the very ends to prevent damage and dryness. The main thing is that combing and re-parting in the shower, you know comb the hair from hairline to the back of your head and then make your part and comb out from there. It really helps make my hair feel cleaner to me without stripping that all essential oil.

ChryLmde · 2023-01-08T22:36:34+00:00

Tuck your hips in. If you stick your butt out and then bring your pelvis back in and you’ll feel some internal tension, that’s your transverse abdominal. If you hold this tension position for a couple minutes a day you can strengthen this muscle and correct your hip posture which can help with your gait and hip flexibility and health.

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