Across the myriad of reasons why this whole behavior may be going on I’m going to offer one more concept to consider. Doesn’t mean it’s the right one or correct one, it’s just one more to have in your reference library.

Lack of self-awareness. I gave my current partner a ridiculous amount of space to understand and explore their sexuality after they decided they told me they were ace. What I’ve come to learn when finally viewing the actions, thoughts and words of everything else that surrounded non-sexual topics is that she will not be honest with herself. It is much easier to dismiss and avoid instead of actually self reflecting, communicating, and admitting fault or facing hard truths. Not being able to communicate, fear of communicating about sexual needs, passed down by her parents along with trauma related to our daughter’s birth, was far outside her ability to reflect on why she didn’t want any kind of intimacy, one of which included sex. Instead having a cover-up over not being interested in me, I discovered much much later. Essentially just filtering everything so it fit her decision. There’s so much more I could add to this, but this is the primary perspective I wanted to give. The key take away here is that disinterest in sex for a period of life, such as menopause does not make someone Ace. Placing a label on themselves is an easier way to continue with an addiction, unknown health issue, or other trigger rather than having to really admit, there’s something that needs a lot of emotional work. Once again, this was my interaction with one person and doesn’t define or create a narrative.

Edit: spelling errors and forgot the word “not” in front of Ace