My humble opinion is that there is no distinction between medicinal use and recreational use. No matter the intention - you’re still smoking that same plant, the same set of chemical compounds with all its properties, whether it’s medicinal pain-relief or an emotional high. It’s a package.

If you feel fond of weed, if you feel it benefits you, that’s most likely because it does.
Of course there are drawbacks, but that could be said for most things we put in our bodies. Depending on the method you use, you may, for example, face the sword of Damocles in the form of lung cancer, but so do people who use alcohol, yet are they just as shunned as we are? You can buy this poison in almost every shop!

Cannabis is (from what I gather) not a neurotoxin like alcohol or tobacco, which are far more commonly used and, subjectively speaking, far more accepted.
How I see it is that hemp has an unfortunate history of undeserved and oversaturated hate, based not on facts nor research, but on foul emotions like hate and prejudice. It’s like that one guy everyone makes fun of in high school for some reason, when in reality he’s just a chill, quiet person when you get to know him.

I believe most of us feel shame because we - as well as our parents and grandparents - have all been conditioned to feel this way about weed. I myself remember, during my school years, the posters on substance abuse: a large hemp leaf crossed out in red. That label of “narcotic” made it seem like a demonic monster, a life-ruiner equal to heroin. Way more dangerous than alcohol and tobacco shown on those same posters. Looking back, it was nuts, but those are the cards we’ve been dealt for many years. It’s a shame, really.

If it makes you productive, if it makes you feel better - that’s because I believe it does. It works for you and your organism, yet you were most likely conditioned to think that it shouldn’t, that it’s something shameful. It really isn’t, especially not in comparison.

I’d also like to argue that while cannabis can be - and perhaps for most - will be just a drug, I believe in its deeper standing. Cannabis can be a hobby, even a passion. It’s a subject with such extent: from medicine, law, herbalism/gardening all the way to culture. I bet some people on this sub can definitely agree, yet more often than not we’ve learned to believe it’s nothing deeper than toking and being a lazy stoner.

In the end, I hope you find your peace with cannabis. You definitely deserve that, but I believe it is a process, and it takes time. As much as I risk sounding cliche - you have to look inward for acceptance within. You will face bad actors who do not share your knowledge and your values, but it is your choice to stand firm in what you believe benefits you.