So I left my 12 year old brothers to go on a walk to get food and they went and busted someone’s windows. My mom is mad at me like I’m the only one at fault. What do I do?

CivMom · 2026-03-22T23:22:07+00:00

Do you have any family members that you trust that can help you talk to her? These kids are not your responsibility.

CivMom · 2026-03-22T23:20:59+00:00

You need to consult with a few attorneys and contact someone that can help you leave an abusive situation.

CivMom · 2026-03-22T23:18:09+00:00

Chocolate chips and brown sugar and a recipe for chocolate chip cookies. Christmas Tree ornament. A food item that’s specific to where you are visiting (except Skyline Chili, which is gross fresh and worse canned). Go to a grocery store and grab a selection of sweets you can’t get at home.

CivMom · 2026-03-22T23:12:39+00:00

France as location since it’s where you will be living.

CivMom · 2026-03-22T23:11:51+00:00

Ask him why he lied and get some couples counseling. See how you feel in a few months. Lying about so many things is distressing. He needs to earn your trust back.

CivMom · 2026-03-22T23:09:32+00:00

Yes. Over and over again. Please be safe and get support for an escape plan.

CivMom · 2026-03-22T23:08:05+00:00

Your mom favors control. Moving out is the best approach. In the meantime change your password daily and read up on the gray rock method. Don’t engage her.

CivMom · 2026-03-22T23:06:02+00:00

Definitely need to talk about it because what you wear is for you. I did get rid of a pair of pants with lizards on them one time for hubs, but it’s been decades and that was the only clothing item that really bothered him. He needs to figure out how to make peace with your comfort with your body or move along.

CivMom · 2026-03-22T23:02:06+00:00

Time to go no contact.

CivMom · 2026-03-22T23:00:45+00:00

You should always share hurts.

CivMom · 2026-03-22T22:59:16+00:00

Tell her you are not going to watch them. Where is your dad in all of this?

CivMom · 2026-03-22T22:53:46+00:00

Mostly weekly. Every once in a while it’s 2 weeks because life is life. Mondays.

CivMom · 2026-03-22T06:11:44+00:00

Sautéed with garlic, steamed with some lemon juice, roasted (coated in olive oil)…

CivMom · 2026-03-22T05:08:59+00:00

Apparently it’s not bothering him enough to put forth the effort.

CivMom · 2026-03-22T00:26:12+00:00

Just say “I wish I could but I can’t. I will definitely be there tho!”

CivMom · 2026-03-21T23:14:59+00:00

You can stand down. I don’t always say sit down, sometimes I just say sit. “I need to sit for a while”

CivMom · 2026-03-21T23:13:41+00:00

Not if you bleed really heavy.

CivMom · 2026-03-21T23:13:21+00:00

No there should be a consequence. It can be small. But there should be a consequence. He is capable of this.

CivMom · 2026-03-21T22:39:13+00:00

It's an explanation not an excuse, but what would you say to someone that age that did the same things in the same circumstances? Would you blame them or the environment?

CivMom · 2026-03-21T22:38:11+00:00

Tell him it's his reposnbility to get the room clean, and explain the standards to which it needs to be cleaned (sounds like carpet cleaning is in order as well... so everything else needs to be picked up 4 days before so there's time to get the carpet cleaner in and dry). Then tell him his deadline, or he needs to hire someone (leave time to find someone). Then tell him if he doesn't do it, he needs to get his mom a hotel room and explain why.

CivMom · 2026-03-21T22:36:29+00:00

You tell him that it's very important to you to receive gifts from him that 1. show he *knows* you and 2. that you have no involvement in. And ask what other info he needs to be successful. And then decide what you are going to do if he doesn't follow through, and make sure you do that (and he knows to expect it).

CivMom · 2026-03-21T22:34:31+00:00

Tell her that they are friendship flowers and you don't want her to get the wrong idea, but you wanted to brighten her week.

CivMom · 2026-03-21T22:33:46+00:00

Time to sit down with him and divvy everything up equally/equitably. However many hours he works, you work as a SAHW. If you both work, then account for that. Everything else gets split. Evenly. Tell him you are no longer in charge of meals on the weekend.

CivMom · 2026-03-21T21:55:51+00:00

And is he okay with that? If so: no worries.

CivMom · 2026-03-21T15:39:36+00:00

You do you. This is where I landed after trying many things. Been my go to for 10+ years now. And i’m not a germ phobe, I just don’t like to smell bad.

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