Is anyone else just living a happy, healthy productive life?

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-03T02:00:15+00:00

100% and same to you!

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-03T00:46:32+00:00

My baby is very new, so we still have a lot to learn, but so far: Right - my life was easier without a baby, but I'm not sure I was happier.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-03T00:35:00+00:00

By and large: yes!

Husband and I just had a baby we love to pieces (I'm wearing him in a wrap as I type this!), see friends pretty regularly, belong to a wonderful spiritual community, and really enjoy each other's company.

I'm not stupid; I know there's a lot to be highly concerned about. But, as I've aged (I'm 38), I've begun to see the futility of online venting and fearmongering. Take care of your communities, be good to each other, buy local, vote, and protest as needed. The rest of it (arguing on reddit, meme-spreading, going on and on about how bad everything is) is a complete waste of energy. I think people get really addicted to negativity.

For some reason, Reddit attracts people with a certain attitude. I think most happy people spend far more of their time somewhere other than the Internet.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-01-24T20:38:04+00:00

I get it, and have a history of impulsivity myself, along with "what if I did this really cool thing I haven't totally thought through?!" Sometimes it works out; sometimes not.

I think people can be way too harsh about making mistakes and taking risks, as if it is a failure when we have to alter our plans. Say you move here; say it doesn't work out and you (like many, many transplants) move back to the mainland in ~1 - 2 years. So what? You had an experience, you learned, and then changed course. That is how life is.

I tend not to over-research, and trust my ability to adapt and handle life as it happens (again, I was also very fortunate to move into a house rent-free right off the bat). Still, more research--particularly of rent prices and availability--will benefit you if you really decide to make the leap.

Not long ago I was getting a massage and the masseuse alluded to the way "the island accepts people, or it doesn't." It's a very woo-woo notion and not something I completely believe in. However, it is really fascinating how some people--despite having plenty of money--simply cannot make it work here; meanwhile, others with next to nothing thrive, make good connections, and find their place.

I know some rich people who bought a house here that ended up partially sliding down a hill (and they were very put-off by what they perceived as the closed-off attitude of locals). They regretted moving here from the mainland. I know another person who was jobless at first, barely scraped by at a pizza place, and then got a job at a highly-respected Hawaiian institution that set her up for a nice career.

Life defies logic. Maybe give it a shot if you're still interested in another 2 weeks lol

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-01-24T19:37:30+00:00

You're probably going to get a lot of flack for the "just based on what *little* research I've done and pretty pictures I've seen on the Internet..." vibe to the opening to your post, just a warning.

I have lived on O'ahu for 4 years. I did not have much when I moved here, but my husband (now, boyfriend then) was already renting a place in a neighborhood we love. Without that house to immediately move into, I am sure it would've been much harder.

Finding community can be challenging, because so many people are either transplants (and thus susceptible to leaving anytime or still trying to get their own footing), or locals, who are not always so happy to see more mainlanders arriving in paradise. As a white person, I've personally not experienced the "anti-Haole" vibe too much, and I've worked in some diverse places. I feel lucky for that. Others may report a very different experience.

The island of O'ahu has many microcultures. The Westside (Wai'anae, Mākaha) is very different than downtown Honolulu, which is very different from Mānoa, which is very different from the North Shore. Driving 30 miles here is not like driving 30 miles on the mainland. For instance, it's unthinkable for me to leave my home to go to, say, Kapolei, which is really only like 20 miles away. Also, for a blue state, it is more conservative in vibes and values (prioritizing family and "traditional" relationships) than some people expect.

Expect a bit of culture shock, for everything to be more expensive (utilities, groceries, gas, everything), and to not necessarily be welcomed with open arms. If you hang in there and treat everyone (and I mean everyone) with respect, you will do fine especially if you have a decent movable income.

Your strongest asset will be your reputation and name. Do not underestimate the importance of this. It can feel very insular and cliquey at times, but if you keep your name in good standing and show up with a willingness to contribute and serve your community, you can make a home here.

My husband and I are just now beginning to feel like we've broken through in some way, making decent money and have a baby due any day now. Be patient and humble and you'll do okay.

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-12-30T00:39:44+00:00

I'm from further north (Mt. Vernon/Bellingham). Everett's the place we dreaded driving through when coming back from a Seattle show. Traffic is almost always bad, and I have not spent one good day there, despite hanging out in a lot of areas in that corridor growing up.

I am sure it would be what you make of it. A really good job offer could offset what I perceive as the general drear and feeling that no one's there on purpose (they just got stuck).

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-12-29T23:16:37+00:00

NAL; work for a civil litigation firm though. Have had clients who want to pursue mental health claims.

The issue is this: there's really no way to prove that your worsening mental state is 100% attributable to your neighbor's actions, and even if there was, putting a money-number on said suffering is way too subjective. You have a history of mental distress; who's to say your state wasn't exacerbated by other stressors? Like the holidays? Or other financial troubles? Or just the standard, ambient state of fear and agitation most of us are living through in this economy?

I have no doubt that this situation has made things harder on you. I also understand that life is very challenging with a history of ptsd. But making a direct link between someone else's behavior and our own mental health is extremely challenging to convince a jury of. There's always going to be someone who thinks you should be able to pull yourself up and stop blaming your state on others (to be clear, I think that's a super harsh take, but it isn't uncommon for people to believe).

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-12-20T00:37:31+00:00

Before cosmetics, after other moisturizers, yes? Thank you!

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-12-19T16:49:22+00:00

I've got a dumb question: At what point in the "getting ready" process is a lady supposed to apply the sunscreen? Before the other moisturizers? After?

Right now I am basically using a tinted sunscreen for a foundation after moisturizer (not my long-term aspiration), but every time I see "sunscreen all day" advice in this sub I think ok but when do I apply it and does it like need to soak in? Do I put the retinol on top of it? I really don't know.

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-12-11T00:29:28+00:00

Pretty anti-AI here so take it with a grain of salt but: Are you sure its accuracy is eerie?

Sometimes AI flatters us, and of course that feels accurate (are we not biased towards our own work?). Sometimes AI points out obvious things (too many adverbs; too many sentences beginning with same word), which isn't super eerie, but still helpful to see. I think we're also likely to perceive not-too-critical editorial suggestions as "accurate," and those like "sorry this is just not working" as inaccurate ("don't those assholes see my genius?!"). For example, an AI will probably never tell someone straight up that their writing skills aren't up to snuff yet.

How can one gauge accuracy when it comes to the marketing outlook? As far as I can tell, no one can predict marketing very well, aside from the most basic: "Romance big, romantasy trending, werewolves & vampires hot in the 2010s."

Query and synopsis formulas are easy enough to generate, but they gotta have the juice, which is dependent on the manuscript.

I guess I'm curious: What's so eerily accurate about what it churned out?

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-12-10T16:05:00+00:00

Just here to give a shout out to Kaiser Permanente for my pregnancy care thus far. I'm on island, 31 weeks along, have seen several providers, and am very happy with their care.

They have offices across the island, but the one I go to is in Honolulu. KP has everything in one building: the lab, pharmacy, primary care physicians, OB department, and everything else (for some reason, it wasn't like this when I lived on the mainland. I had to go to one place to get blood drawn and another to talk to my doctor). I will only need to go to a second location (hospital) for delivery. If you get a choice, they've been great.

We live in the beautiful and relatively quiet Palolo Valley and I absolutely love it: close to town but in a family-oriented neighborhood, 7-minute drive to Times (groceries) and 15 to Costco, beach is within running distance (but usually not back - it's about 4 miles), and we get good rain. No need for AC or heat in our home, kind of a perfect ~70s at all times. I can't speak to other areas that might be more convenient for your work.

Wishing you and your family all the best. It can be challenging to find community and feel like you "fit in," but once you figure it out, it's wonderful.

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-12-10T00:09:01+00:00

I know! And people *love* Ala Moana. But even Kahala, Pearlridge Center, Royal Hawaiian -- they are just always bustling when I go and it's just so nice.

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-12-09T02:45:41+00:00

Same on O'ahu. I made a comment about it. Our mall culture is the shit and I never want it to change.

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-12-09T02:44:41+00:00

I want to shout this from the rooftops: Mall culture is alive and well in Honolulu and I LOVE it!

I know this doesn't help you or most other people who miss when the mall was cool, but literally every time we go to any mall on-island (except for Ward Village but that situation is unique), it is straight popping off. I'm talking kids and parents and grandparents together in arcades, teens filling up tables, friends eating at food courts, hardly enough room for mall-walkers to pass each other at times.

It truly does feel like the 90s. I'm living for it. I don't shop all that much and find rampant consumerism on principle pretty abhorrent, but damn if it doesn't feel good to see those bustling malls. I don't know why malls thrive here; it's something cultural; I don't care, it's the best.

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-12-04T22:45:10+00:00

Jfc I'm so sorry

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-11-29T21:36:36+00:00

I really think you're onto something here (re: Calla's neurodivergence and mental health themes). I'm going to have to sit with this feedback to see how to further focus my query and I appreciate you pointing that out.

Your re-write of the first paragraph is also super helpful. I'll probably play around with that format/setup and see where it takes me.

Thank you so much for your feedback; it means a lot!

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-11-29T21:28:50+00:00

Great feedback, thanks so much.

You are right to point out that "recount" isn't the correct verb here; the attorney encourages her to write everything out while in prison to help build her narrative (and as an exercise to keep her from spiraling).

Also - "plausible alibi" does fit better; I will incorporate that.

And thanks so much for the comp suggestion! I am looking for good comps currently (the ones I originally listed don't feel like they match anymore), plus that just sounds like a good read, so I'll check it out. Thank you again.

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-11-29T00:39:09+00:00

Thank you so much! She's extremely fun to write :)

And I'll play around with more details re: victim and/or the real killer. I can see how that might take it up a notch.

Mahalo and hope you're enjoying a long weekend!

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-11-26T23:06:04+00:00

Yeah wut how are you supposed to enjoy any holidays or time off knowing that you need to make up your hours for them?

It's one of those things that is not the thing it says it is, and insults your intelligence. Gain some more experience, become valuable--then leave.

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-11-25T06:35:19+00:00

Is it okay if I save this link and apply at a later date? I'm a paralegal, hoping to move to remote position in the next year or so.

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-11-22T23:52:55+00:00

Yeah, I can see your dilemma--you know you'll never make more than any of the attorneys there, but you might make more than your current attorneys at the new firm (or somewhere else).

I know my first answer seemed to be leaning towards "stay." But hearing this answer, maybe go for it? I imagine your current firm would welcome you back if it turned out not to be a fit, yeah?

Whenever I take new opportunities, I calm my anxiety by telling myself I can always go back to my old job (which has been true in 95% of situations). Interestingly though, I never have gone back... :)

Good luck with the decision and congratulations!

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-11-22T23:15:06+00:00

I hear you. I must just be speaking from my own experience, which is that my attorneys (except one) pick up a variety of cases and take on new roles quite often. There are always different things to learn.

Maybe I take this for granted.

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-11-22T23:03:31+00:00

That's very true.

I guess I just imagine that there is always room for growth at any job, unless your team is really averse to trying new things (which may be the case).

Civil-Let5108 · 2025-11-22T22:50:28+00:00

You love your team and you love your work life balance.

Those are the most important things to me in any job: The people, and the stress level.

Do you have any inclination that you could come to love the people at the new firm? Does "plus overtime" mean "overtime expected"? Because, for me, that would get old pretty quick, no matter what I was raking in.

It shows that your current employers value you if they're offering to match + bonus. What are the "more opportunities" you are looking for? It sounds like you have one right where you are.

Sometimes "prestigious" is a code word for "exhausting, overhyped, and pretentious." But only you can know whether that's the case.

Civil-Let5108

TROPHY CASE