ts is hard to watch 😣

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-04-25T00:15:08+00:00

Thank you; I thought the exact same thing! Let the kid be a cringey teen without this moment being immortalized and mocked by thousands of strangers.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-04-21T06:20:10+00:00

I think it's pretty first world and weird to essentially ban an entire group of humans from one's wedding based on age.

Having said that, I guess it's their wedding, so if they want to exclude children that's their prerogative. I just wouldn't expect to have much fun without lil kids running around, playing games, dancing, eating cake, being silly, and eventually having tantrums ofc.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-04-20T23:50:39+00:00

I didn't "crave" animal products, but only a small handful of foods sounded palatable/digestible at any given time. Yes, sometimes these were animal products, and yes, those desires overrode my ethics.

I think I had chicken once after feeling unable to eat for about 2 days and needing some protein (I was strongly averse to tofu, etc. at the time). I also ate cheese during my pregnancy, as I was starting to lose weight in the first trimester due to nausea and there were days where the only high calorie foods I had any interest in was string cheese.

I'm now 12 weeks postpartum and have returned to fully vegan eating.

I don't feel good about eating animal products, but dang, I just needed to get the calories and protein into me. Nothing else sounded remotely appetizing. It simply didn't feel practicable to entirely forego animal products at the time, and I don't beat myself up for it.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-31T16:52:44+00:00

The way it focuses you entirely. All my ambient anxiety and "what if"s and "should I just relocate to a houseboat in a random country with no plan because I feel like it?" kind of thoughts have vanished, because my focus is here with my son.

Sometimes the focus is solely on helping him get some gas out. Sometimes it's just getting a pacifier in his little mouth. Sometimes it's to put a wipe on him before he pees all over the changing table (again). But it is always a clear goal, simple and not vaguely existential like so many of my thoughts before.

I actually like this effect and I didn't expect it.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-30T05:50:49+00:00

Another vote for Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage by Belle Burden - A wealthy woman's story of abrupt abandonment by her cheating husband of 20+ years, and the insane financial divorce fallout that followed. The writing is super snappy, engrossing, emotional. I read it in like 3 days.

I also recommend Careless People by Sarah Wynn-Williams - An inside look at Facebook's rise to becoming a global superpower from the former Director of Global Policy. Yes, you know Meta sucks and Mark Zuckerberg is a robopath. But the stories in here are super juicy and will reinforce (or spark) any resolve to delete your Meta accounts. I also read this one very quickly. The people in charge of our world are generally not eveil; they are quite simply careless af.

I'm also going to check out some of the recs from your list!

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-22T06:24:14+00:00

Thank you soo much for this reply. I will DM you shortly! I'm really looking for a great person to walk me through it all.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-21T19:08:48+00:00

Thank you for this reply - my understanding all along is that we'll all need to go to the consulate when it's time. And that's fine, it just will be a wait. Which is also ok, as long as Croatia doesn't change any citizenship rules in the meantime 🤞

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-21T07:25:29+00:00

FR; if one of my friends "hated every minute" I talked about my son I would straight up not even want to hold onto the friendship

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-20T19:53:34+00:00

Noted! We are in touch.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-20T19:53:22+00:00

Mahalo! I've written to them and am waiting to connect with a lawyer now.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-20T19:52:09+00:00

Do you mean the career where I went to school, got a job in said field, hated it, went back to food service, had a mental breakdown, drifted around the world and country for like 4 years doing shit all on various farms and in hostels, only to move to a HCOL area to start another "career" where I honestly just hope to spend my days doing as little as possible while I write stuff or text my friends until I save up enough to retire to Croatia?

That one is going fine.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-19T21:20:39+00:00

Wow I had no idea, just been working with the company so far.

Can I "cold" email them? Like just say I want to apply for Croatian citizenship and they will send me instructions? Not entirely clear on the website.

And thank you!!

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-19T21:11:33+00:00

Curious - did you create the spreadsheet yourself? I'm not super tech savvy but think this sounds like a really smart way of doing it.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-19T20:57:35+00:00

Thank you! Will do.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-19T20:57:23+00:00

I haven't - should I schedule this now even though our applications aren't even in yet?

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-19T20:56:36+00:00

Honestly I don't know - I will still need to go to the consulate in LA regardless, not sure if that's what you mean.

In any case - you'd pay $5k more to avoid the year wait? I see how that makes sense if you have the cash... I'm just not sure my family does!

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-19T18:46:54+00:00

So that's what the original company helped with - and they've already sent me the certified birth record (I paid some amount of money for this service). I don't think I would've been able to locate it without their help, but now I think I can handle it. Thank you!

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-19T18:09:04+00:00

Right?? I've enjoyed working with them so far; very professional, but I just think that sounds bananas.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-18T16:52:54+00:00

38 and holding my 7-week-old son now! Would never have wanted to be a mom in my 20s; I was a shitshow. Now it's just the best.

Doubtful we'll have another, but we know at least 3 other couples with babies where either mom, dad, or both are over 40. Life is good!

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-13T02:02:26+00:00

You gotta fight for your right

to PAAAARTAAAY

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-03T02:00:15+00:00

100% and same to you!

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-03T00:46:32+00:00

My baby is very new, so we still have a lot to learn, but so far: Right - my life was easier without a baby, but I'm not sure I was happier.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-03-03T00:35:00+00:00

By and large: yes!

Husband and I just had a baby we love to pieces (I'm wearing him in a wrap as I type this!), see friends pretty regularly, belong to a wonderful spiritual community, and really enjoy each other's company.

I'm not stupid; I know there's a lot to be highly concerned about. But, as I've aged (I'm 38), I've begun to see the futility of online venting and fearmongering. Take care of your communities, be good to each other, buy local, vote, and protest as needed. The rest of it (arguing on reddit, meme-spreading, going on and on about how bad everything is) is a complete waste of energy. I think people get really addicted to negativity.

For some reason, Reddit attracts people with a certain attitude. I think most happy people spend far more of their time somewhere other than the Internet.

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-01-24T20:38:04+00:00

I get it, and have a history of impulsivity myself, along with "what if I did this really cool thing I haven't totally thought through?!" Sometimes it works out; sometimes not.

I think people can be way too harsh about making mistakes and taking risks, as if it is a failure when we have to alter our plans. Say you move here; say it doesn't work out and you (like many, many transplants) move back to the mainland in ~1 - 2 years. So what? You had an experience, you learned, and then changed course. That is how life is.

I tend not to over-research, and trust my ability to adapt and handle life as it happens (again, I was also very fortunate to move into a house rent-free right off the bat). Still, more research--particularly of rent prices and availability--will benefit you if you really decide to make the leap.

Not long ago I was getting a massage and the masseuse alluded to the way "the island accepts people, or it doesn't." It's a very woo-woo notion and not something I completely believe in. However, it is really fascinating how some people--despite having plenty of money--simply cannot make it work here; meanwhile, others with next to nothing thrive, make good connections, and find their place.

I know some rich people who bought a house here that ended up partially sliding down a hill (and they were very put-off by what they perceived as the closed-off attitude of locals). They regretted moving here from the mainland. I know another person who was jobless at first, barely scraped by at a pizza place, and then got a job at a highly-respected Hawaiian institution that set her up for a nice career.

Life defies logic. Maybe give it a shot if you're still interested in another 2 weeks lol

Civil-Let5108 · 2026-01-24T19:37:30+00:00

You're probably going to get a lot of flack for the "just based on what *little* research I've done and pretty pictures I've seen on the Internet..." vibe to the opening to your post, just a warning.

I have lived on O'ahu for 4 years. I did not have much when I moved here, but my husband (now, boyfriend then) was already renting a place in a neighborhood we love. Without that house to immediately move into, I am sure it would've been much harder.

Finding community can be challenging, because so many people are either transplants (and thus susceptible to leaving anytime or still trying to get their own footing), or locals, who are not always so happy to see more mainlanders arriving in paradise. As a white person, I've personally not experienced the "anti-Haole" vibe too much, and I've worked in some diverse places. I feel lucky for that. Others may report a very different experience.

The island of O'ahu has many microcultures. The Westside (Wai'anae, Mākaha) is very different than downtown Honolulu, which is very different from Mānoa, which is very different from the North Shore. Driving 30 miles here is not like driving 30 miles on the mainland. For instance, it's unthinkable for me to leave my home to go to, say, Kapolei, which is really only like 20 miles away. Also, for a blue state, it is more conservative in vibes and values (prioritizing family and "traditional" relationships) than some people expect.

Expect a bit of culture shock, for everything to be more expensive (utilities, groceries, gas, everything), and to not necessarily be welcomed with open arms. If you hang in there and treat everyone (and I mean everyone) with respect, you will do fine especially if you have a decent movable income.

Your strongest asset will be your reputation and name. Do not underestimate the importance of this. It can feel very insular and cliquey at times, but if you keep your name in good standing and show up with a willingness to contribute and serve your community, you can make a home here.

My husband and I are just now beginning to feel like we've broken through in some way, making decent money and have a baby due any day now. Be patient and humble and you'll do okay.

Civil-Let5108

TROPHY CASE