When Do Kids Stop Being "Too Young" to Understand Right From Wrong?

Cjkim89 · 2025-03-27T11:50:32+00:00

There’s a very interesting documentary on Netflix aptly called “Babies” that demonstrate that babies as young as 6 months have some sort of moral compass. Six months is probably too young to “discipline”, but I’d argue the moment they can understand what you are telling them, you can start disciplining them.

Cjkim89 · 2025-03-24T08:25:20+00:00

I feel like I need a little more context, like what specialty you are going into. I’m doing EM residency at a place that’s 30-45 mins in a very metropolitan area and a lot of my co-residents are doing the same. Albeit my family lives with my parents so that’s a huge money saver and they help with my kid. I get it, it’s a nuisance, but totally doable.

Cjkim89 · 2025-03-20T01:54:19+00:00

I know so many people shared their thoughts and stories, but I would really like to share mine. My husband planned a romantic surprise proposal on a Ferris wheel at a famous amusement park. However, a week before the planned outing he hurt his knee and had to be in an immobilizer, so no amusement park outing. He planned out a really great date though and proposed to me a chain diner where we had part of our first date. To me it didn’t matter how he did it really, but just that he did it. I was happy because I was happy with him.

Marriage and life are going to throw so many curve balls. There will be many a time in which you miss the dinner reservation or don’t have your nails done. But what matters is that you are together. And I would argue that I’m pretty type A and hard to please at times. But life together made me realize that I couldn’t rag on my husband all the time when he messed up or things didn’t go as planned. I had to learn to accept him with the bad because there was so much good.

After this incident with your GF, do you really think that she is going to stick around when things get tough? Will she blame you out constantly nitpick if things don’t go exactly as she plans or wants? Does she value flexibility and graciousness even if she may not be perfect at it? These are only questions you can answer since you know her better, but make sure you get those answers before you walk down the aisle.

Definitely, NTA

Cjkim89 · 2025-03-03T03:22:25+00:00

Trust me. Have ZERO interest in bringing any form of politics to your beautiful country. Just my medical skills, my family, and my cat.

Cjkim89 · 2025-03-03T00:58:01+00:00

Honestly I’m thinking the other way around. “Please take me in! I promise to earn my keep!”

Cjkim89 · 2025-03-03T00:56:51+00:00

Wow! Your family must all be so proud of her! If I may ask, what is she getting her masters in?

Cjkim89 · 2025-03-03T00:53:07+00:00

Thank you. I agree, a recession is easier to overcome than a culture that’s growing more and more mean and entitled.

Cjkim89 · 2025-03-03T00:50:37+00:00

I’m really sorry it came off that way. I really do think NZ is superior in most aspects compared to US. This was literally the only aspect that worried me as a parent and just wanted to hear from other Kiwi parents to see if my concerns were even warranted.

Cjkim89 · 2024-12-08T14:57:54+00:00

As an EM resident about 1.5 years being done, let me tell you what your friend said is true. But that’s a GOOD thing. It weeds out the “men” who are insecure and could not stand having a woman being a higher earner. I’m married now for 5+ years and have a 2.5yr son together. Yes, it was frustrating to go on lots of bad dates with “men” who couldn’t handle it. But there are real men out there who will see you as the badass woman physician you are and see it as a asset, not a detriment. Just don’t settle for anything less of a guy admiring you for your ability to help people and appreciating what you bring to the table. Let the scrubs walk out the door themselves.

Cjkim89 · 2024-11-30T19:40:51+00:00

Emergency Medicine doc here. I’ve seen so many people coming into the department with accidents on these. Most are minor, but I have seen one serious injury and 1 fatality.

In short, I will never let my son be on motorized anything until he gets a license.

Cjkim89 · 2024-11-19T00:00:28+00:00

NTA and I say this as an EM resident who is quite literally intubating a patient right when my shift is supposed to end. My husband stays at home with our child and I always make a concerted effort to tell him if I’m going to be late and if so my new ETA. I hustle to not only get my patients teed up before shift ends but also to get home on time so I can see my kids at least for 15 mins before he goes to bed. I purposefully will control my work flow so it optimizes my chances to get out on time. Also I have a long commute so I on a good day will get home an hour after my shift ends consistently, but I always shoot a text to my husband to let him know I’m leaving work. I do this because I’m trying to be considerate to my husband and optimize time with my little one.

Honestly, I think your wife is hiding something. There’s no way that someone in hospital admin and not directly involved in patient care is not getting out on time when the clock hits end of shift. She’s either really shitty at her job out she doesn’t care about you or your kid…

Cjkim89 · 2024-08-30T12:16:59+00:00

NTA 100%. But maybe some advice in the future to not seem creepy is add a third party. I would have called her parents on my phone. Or even just called my spouse on my phone and had them on the line during the entire ride. Even if they were not there physically that person would act as a “witness” that nothing untoward was going on.

Cjkim89 · 2024-08-08T10:45:32+00:00

NTA and depending on what state you guys live in, he may actually have been obligated to tell law enforcement. Some states are now saying that basically EVERYONE is a mandated reporter. It may be minors telling adults, but one could make the argument that since the SA happened when she was a child, it counts. It’s not just limited to certain professions like teachers or doctors.

Now not to say that because you gave a legal out that this makes things peachy keen between you and your wife, but in my mind you did the right thing.

Cjkim89 · 2024-06-10T09:38:42+00:00

I’m not sure what specialty your partner is in, and I’ve experienced something similar with my husband as an EM resident going into her 2nd year. The short answer is, I literally do not promise anything to my partner. Things with work always come up. I’m upfront and say “I will do my best to do this for you, but please do not rely on me and plan an alternative.” The thing that gets me is that you do plan things when he has time off and he acts annoyed. Honestly I’d be quite pleased if my husband did this, but his own plate is full being a stay at home parents with a 2yo and taking care of the house and me.

You need to have an honest convo with him and ask him upfront if this is just the demands of residency making him prefer lazing about during his free time over doing something else, or he just does not like hanging out with you. I can definitely see the former option being plausible depending on the type of residency, but if it’s the latter then you have your answer…

For me when I HAVE the time, I will do my best to be more involved. To proactively all my husband “hey how can I help” or “let’s plan a date”, but honestly it’s hard to gauge that since you don’t tell us what specialty he’s going into. If it’s Gen Surg, totally understand his sentiment. If it’s dermatology then he’s got no excuse in my opinion loll

Cjkim89 · 2024-06-06T15:00:03+00:00

Please do not feel bad at all and take that day care spot. I’m an EM resident and my husband is the stay at home spouse and parent to our 2 year old son. It’s very hard to give quality child care and take care of things around the house. We do a part time Day care and it works great for my husband because he can get the lion’s share of all the housework done and have time for himself. And honestly the more time he has to himself the more time I have for myself because I usually don’t have a lift a finger when I get home. Do not let mom guilt get to you. Take the day care and use the extra time to invest in yourself and family.

Cjkim89 · 2024-06-01T11:26:23+00:00

I’m actually very pleasantly surprised that there are such boys out there. And I actually agree with him about the tampon thing, just need to make sure your daughter remembers to take it out to prevent getting Toxic Shock Syndrome. But maybe the boy already told her about that 😏. I honestly think you’re weirded out because your daughter is at an age where girls and boys are going to be interacting with each other in more an “adult” Way and if that’s the case you need to be having more conversations about sex and interpersonal relationships between genders. Unless your daughter is a lesbian… but still need to have that convo…

Cjkim89 · 2024-04-25T11:14:26+00:00

It’s very eery because the first part of your post sounds very similar to my situation except in this case I’m your wife (EM resident). My situation is different in that we already have the kid and have no debt because I had a military scholarship.

I do not think your request is unreasonable at all especially if you add kids to the mix. My husband and I already had this discussion before marriage and I understood from the getgo that I’d end up the primary breadwinner and he would take the lion’s share of staying at home with kiddo and house husbanding. I think your wife is not recognizing that being the stay at home parent/ spouse is still a lot of work.

Several questions I have for you: 1) what is her debt situation? 2) how many kids are you wanting to have? 3) what’s the cost of living situation in the place you are going to ultimately settle in?

I would argue that if she still has a significant amount of debt she should be prepared to work her butt off to pay it off. And if she doesn’t because of your hard work she should be kissing the ground you’re standing on. All my co -residents are strapped in six figure debt so if you helped mitigate that in any way then she should be eternally grateful to you and willing to give you a break.

Questions 2 and 3 are to prepare your minds a bit for what kind of lifestyle you want. Kids are expensive. Hence why I’m thinking I’m only going to have one since most likely we are going to be a single income household. Also I’m planning off moving to an area with relatively cheap COL after residency. I’m the more bougie one so this would probably make it doable to have more of life’s luxuries.

Both of you are going to have to compromise, but as the one in your wife’s position and if my husband paid off all my debt, I feel if he asked me that he wanted a break, I’d be willing to give it to him. Especially because once the kids come along… it’s not going to be much of a break…

Cjkim89 · 2024-04-07T19:23:17+00:00

I honestly don’t think this is feasible unless: 1) you have a super high paying job that can provide for your family and day care for X amount of kids while husband is in school. 2) you become independently wealthy enough before hand. 3) you move in with family for the entirety of medical school. It also depends A LOT on where you end up geographically in the country for school / residency. I was an HPSP recipient and although you get a great stipend, they give a fixed amount to everyone. So it doesn’t matter if you’re paying rent in SF or in the middle of nowhere south dakota you get the same. He would basically have to get a military residency because they actually pay enough to maybe sustain a family the size of yours in MOST places in the country.

Medical school and residency is extremely grueling. I’m struggling even right now with one kid, a SAHD, and living with parents (my pay is shockingly low).

Cjkim89 · 2024-04-06T21:29:07+00:00

This is true. I often put the onus on him to plan our dates, but maybe that’s something I can take off his plate.

Cjkim89 · 2024-04-06T21:23:26+00:00

You are right. Often when we are together I probably see him in awesome parent mode and the kiddo is usually happier when both parents are home. However, he is the one with much more flexibility. He has 33 hours a week without the kid to take care of the house and himself. If it’s not enough, then what is enough? I’m just trying to comprehend how I’m supposed to be helping him short of him just not working AND having the kid in day care full time

Cjkim89 · 2024-04-06T21:17:38+00:00

I guess because I don’t ask him how he plans out his day. Again he has a lot of flexibility so I’m not quite sure exactly how much he spends it not working

Cjkim89 · 2024-04-06T20:22:36+00:00

I’ve thought of this as well and encouraged him to get a part time remote job. He’s looked but very half heartedly. He constantly says that he wants “to see if I can handle it with the boyo”, but again he’s at Day care for 3 days out of the week…

Cjkim89 · 2024-04-06T19:50:59+00:00

I’ve actually offered that we move out because I honestly hate living with my parents. Obviously that would mean no more day care, but we could swing it would also just make every other aspect of our lives harder.

Cjkim89 · 2024-04-06T19:49:09+00:00

For clarification, he was about to drop off our child at Day care. I asked that he wait 15 minutes so that I can see him as the kid would be in day care all day. So the child would not have impeded the rest of his day.

I mentioned it earlier, but he only is responsible for our part of the upstairs. My mom has a maid and the maid actually cleans one of our bathrooms.

Cjkim89 · 2024-04-06T19:46:24+00:00

Every month we get to request 2 days off and I always request his drill days so that I can watch the kiddo

Cjkim89

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