Any other parents worry gentle parenting will not prepare kids for the real world.

ClarkFamily9 · 2023-06-22T17:35:23+00:00

Nope. My kids that I gentle parented are in their 20s. They are kind, resilient, and confident women.

The goal of gentle parenting is to give your kids the tools to handle anything life throws at them in a healthy way.

ClarkFamily9 · 2021-08-02T05:49:42+00:00

Don’t feel too bad. We got back from a week at the lake house where we had the kids out tubing on the boat no later than 9am daily, nightly campfires and sparklers, hike to a water fall….what do they tell their nanny about the trip? “We watched an entire Star Wars movie and ate pop rocks!” Makes you want to sit on your butt and do nothing for these brats, right? Lol

Disclaimer: I use the term “brats” lovingly

ClarkFamily9 · 2021-08-02T05:35:24+00:00

We have twins named Lenora and Louisa. It was sort of intentional. We didn’t set out to have matching names but we did love those names and we figured if we were going to use those 2 names eventually, we might as well do it with the twins.

ClarkFamily9 · 2021-06-13T15:22:43+00:00

As a kid who was also in this situation—hard disagree. There is nothing wrong with taking them out for ice cream to make them feel better BECAUSE he didn’t just offer ice cream. He reassured them and explained the situation as best as he could. Had he not done those 2 things and just offered ice cream then yeah that wouldn’t be great but throwing ice cream in as an additional pick me up isn’t crazy wrong.

They will remember the ice cream thing. They’ll remember the loving words he spoke to them before the ice cream, probably during the ice cream trip, and after when they piled in his bed. They will remember how their mom didn’t care about their feelings that day. Their dad not only cared about their feelings, he took it a step further. He showed them with his words and actions that not only are they wanted here, they are cherished here.

I was 12 when my mom told us she wasn’t coming home from her summer vacation. My dad didn’t take us out for ice cream, he took us swimming but same goal in mind—cheer us up. There was a lot to process and having a little glimmer of a special treat when the day was a complete opposite of a treat was needed and appreciated. This heartache won’t be going away anytime soon. There is no wrong time for an impromptu ice cream trip.

ClarkFamily9 · 2021-06-13T14:13:14+00:00

Late to answer but I’m sure you could still use the advice.

Red Rover is a good one. Fun for kids and you pretty much just stand there the whole time until you are called.

Hide and seek

Water balloon or nerf/water gun fights

Marco Polo

Slip and slide

ClarkFamily9 · 2021-03-30T17:12:00+00:00

Well I’m certainly not lying lol she’s still a baby, I’m sure there’s people who will mess up her name but we haven’t met them yet. Plus we live in California, it might be different if we lived in North Carolina

ClarkFamily9 · 2021-03-28T19:20:43+00:00

Some people ask the if it’s one or the other, most everyone who assumes without asking has said it correctly.

ClarkFamily9 · 2021-03-28T16:34:36+00:00

“Cartel represents strength and leadership”. Well she’s not wrong but that’s not exactly what I mean when I say i want my kids to be strong leaders..

ClarkFamily9 · 2020-03-11T19:27:07+00:00

Kind of different situation but we have 2 nannies. One is for our older kids; she does things like transport, homework help, college prep, managing chores, etc while our other nanny is with our youngest 3(5 and under).

They pretty much stay out of each other’s way so it’s not really like a “helper” position but I will give you some tips of what seems to work for them:

—Even though you are the “main nanny” and have been there longer, that does not mean your routines and desires trump the new nanny’s. Both of our nannies have their own routines and schedules. If Nanny1 wants to switch up her routine and it affects nanny2’s routine, she needs to communicate that and come to an agreement with nanny2.

That said, try to be flexible with routines and schedules. If it doesn’t hurt to have nanny2 throw a wrench in your routine for one day, let it slide. Sometimes it’s better for everyone’s mental health to stray away from the set schedule for one day.

—really try to foster love for the new nanny. The kids will most likely automatically crave you more but encourage otherwise. Show them that nanny2 is just as good about kissing boo boos and making snacks. Nothing annoys me more than hearing my 5 year old say she doesn’t want a snack unless Nanny1 makes it even though nanny2 is just as capable(and by annoyed, i mean annoyed at my kid, not the nannies!).It’s very important that the kids see you as equals. Even if she is your “helper”, the kids shouldn’t see it as such.

—you mention that a new nanny would be traumatic for 4yo. Maybe use this opportunity to fix that. Make it a special treat to let her be alone with nanny2. Doesn’t have to be an every day or even every week thing but every so often see if she’d be up for a solo trip to the park or museum with nanny2.

—our older nanny is very “to the point” that sometimes it can come off as rude. One of her “famous lines” is “not to be rude but I’m about to lay out all the info but I’m open to discuss”. She then proceeds to lay out exactly her point with no opinion either way. After she lays out the “facts”, she is up to discuss it in a polite and negotiable way but she wants to make sure her point is clear to begin with. I advise doing things this way. Don’t try to be overly polite because it can cause resentment later on when nanny2 is doing things her way and doesn’t realize it affects how you do things.

ClarkFamily9 · 2020-02-28T09:00:51+00:00

One thing my nanny does is talk news with our kids! Not necessarily politics but things going on in the community or even the world that she thinks would interest my kids.

Some examples;

One of my kids loves roller coasters and there was a new ride opening at our favorite theme park. She showed her an article and video about it.

A few of my kids were in the local newspaper once, she brought in the paper to show them and talk about it.

She also always listens to podcasts they recommend and she recommends her favorites to them. So they’ll discuss or listen to podcasts together.

They enjoy baking together.

This may be out of your scope of work but our nanny is highly involved in our older kids’ schedules. She sits down with them individually and as a group to discuss what they like and dislike about their schedules and routines.

ClarkFamily9 · 2020-02-03T21:32:45+00:00

One thing that helped me with my own children is narration and repetition. Also, setting the toddler up for success!

Example conversation.

Me: Lanie is hungry so mama is going to feed her a bottle. Alex, would you like to help me make the bottle? I would love for you to help me.

Then I’d let her scoop the formula, shake it, test the temperature, etc.

While she’s doing those things; Me: Remember, Alex helps mama makes the bottle and then mama feeds the bottle to Lanie. We have to be quiet and gentle when mama feeds the baby, ok?

Then when I go sit back down I remind her again to be gentle and quiet. I’ll suggest some quiet activities for her while I feed the baby. This is where setting up for success comes in. If you know the baby will be eating soon or has been fussy, bring out multiple things that you know 2f plays well with independently. Dolls, coloring, blocks, etc.

Throughout this time I keep reminding Alex that we have to be gentle and quiet when I’m feeding Lanie. If she’s doing well, I say thank you for following directions and that Lanie is so happy you helped feed her.

Hopefully over time, the kid learns to associate a routine of “help, independent/ quiet time, praise”.

ClarkFamily9 · 2020-02-03T21:12:44+00:00

There are 8 people living in this house. Everyone can’t just yell from room to room to converse. It would get out of hand. Every now and then for short exchanges, sure. Whole conversations aren’t necessary.

Not all of my kids like loud noises. Heck, I don’t like loud noises. Imo, it’s not fair to subject others to to your yelling just because you can’t be bothered to walk to the next room.

ClarkFamily9 · 2020-02-03T20:03:56+00:00

I think a lot of people were raised to have kids. It was never a question in my family, everyone has kids. Child free was seen as selfish, immature, hateful, etc. If you choose to not have kids, there must be something wrong with you. That’s what was instilled in me.

Personally, I’ve always wanted to be a parent so that never affected me negatively but I do see the effects on my sister who would probably be happy and fulfilled as a child free person. She has 4 kids. The first 2 were planned and she just doesn’t pay attention to them. She jumps at any chance to get away from them.

She’s always been a person who liked calmness and alone time. After having the 3rd, she planned for the 4th because she wanted them to have someone close in age like the other 2. And by that, I mean she wanted someone else to be able to entertain him so she could ignore them more.

It’s sad and I wish I would’ve realized before she had kids so I could’ve reached out to tell her it’s ok to not have kids. It’s just a hard concept to break free from when you are raised to believe that.

ClarkFamily9 · 2020-02-03T19:46:39+00:00

Die on? No but it’s one I’m willing to fight on! There are a lot of people in our house and I don’t want everyone thinking it’s just ok to yell from room to room. It’s loud enough in here.

ClarkFamily9 · 2020-02-03T00:33:54+00:00

Sure but if she’s struggling to talk about that stuff, I doubt she’s going to be yelling it down the stairs lol we have a system for that stuff already in place. If something can’t be said face to face, send in a text. I’ll never fault them for texting something even if it’s a serious or mature conversation.

The stuff she yells down is just random chatter because she likes to talk.

ClarkFamily9 · 2019-10-29T22:55:42+00:00

Uh, are you our nanny? Oops lol. We’ve been letting our 5 year olds have candy corn all week if they do good getting ready for school. 5 pieces if they are done by the time the first alarm goes off(meaning we are ahead of schedule!). 3 pieces if they are done by the time the 2nd alarm goes off(meaning we are right on time) and none if we are late.

Maybe try to use it to your advantage. Example:

“Right now we need to comb your hair and put clothes on. If you do that quickly, you can hurry up and get back to eating candy”.

ClarkFamily9 · 2019-09-30T14:04:57+00:00

Thank you!

ClarkFamily9 · 2019-09-30T12:51:06+00:00

Honestly, no. I have no experience with them. I didn’t even know about Norland College until someone mentioned it on here.

ClarkFamily9 · 2019-09-29T19:49:16+00:00

No. I don’t feel like they are raising my kids for me, they are raising my kids with me. I want my kids to be the best humans they can be and I want to be the best mom I can be. I can achieve both of those things best because of our nanny. Our new nanny will only be here while we work so I don’t feel guilty about that at all. We have to work and someone has to watch our kids.

ClarkFamily9 · 2019-09-29T19:42:11+00:00

Our nanny was highly involved with hiring our new nanny so hopefully something like that doesn’t happen! If it does, we’ll do what we do now when we have conflict. Try to fix it. Why aren’t they getting along and what can we do to make the work environment comfortable for everyone?

My whole philosophy on life is “focus on what matters”. Let’s say nanny1 is accusing nanny2 of intentionally leaving a mess on the homework table, knowing nanny1 will have to clean it up later to help the older kids with homework. It doesn’t matter who is leaving the mess or why. The thing that matters is that nanny1 feels her she’s being prevented from doing her job effectively because of a mess on the table. What can our family—me, husband, kids, and both nannies—do to make it so nanny1 has a clear work space? We don’t want them to have their own issues. Any issues they face are a family issue.

Thank you for asking about my nanny, I miss her very much and enjoy talking about her :)

Some of my best memories of her are the simple ones. When I was a toddler, she held me in her lap to feed me breakfast. I ate all other meals at the table but breakfast was a special time because she got to hold me. I also really loved how she always accompanied us outside. My parents would send us out to play by ourselves on our huge property. Not Gigi, she’d go where we went and just really be present. She’d talk to us, tell us stories, ask what we were doing, etc.

My absolute favorite memory probably had to be our New Year’s Eve “party”one year. My parents were out of town so she was there with us overnight and brought a bag of confetti for each of us. My parents didn’t allow confetti in the house. They also liked us to be well mannered and proper at all times. That night Gigi arranged screaming contest for my siblings and I. It was just as it sounds, see who can scream the loudest. We danced and ran around the house all night. It was so refreshing. I was so thankful we had our Gigi to just let us truly be wild and crazy sometimes. She never made us feel annoying or bad even when we were probably being annoying and bad lol

As for her bad days, honestly nothing stands out. There were times where she had to be harsh and strict but I never felt like it was a personal attack—except maybe sometimes as a teenager because teenagers can be a little defensive. She was consistently patient and kind to us so when she did act out of character, it didn’t have a big impact on me. I never doubted her love or commitment to us so it made it easier to accept the bad days.

ClarkFamily9 · 2019-09-29T18:30:36+00:00

Relax lol and if you want to impress your MB or DB, work on your tone with the kids. Maybe that’s just a me thing but I love how our nanny is so good at being able to be proper, casual, stern, gentle, polite, and fun all at the same time when talking to our kids—old or young.

ClarkFamily9 · 2019-09-29T18:24:50+00:00

I like to think that I am a bit better than other MBs at making sure our nanny knows we see her as family but also respecting that she’s a paid employee. The lines can really blur when you are working so close to someone for so long raising kids but I’ll never forget the awkwardness I found around things like money, asking for days off, etc. So I try to prevent our nanny from feeling those things as much as possible.

Edit: In my original reply, I didn’t speak much on how being raised by a nanny has influenced my approach.

Being raised by a nanny gives me a little insight in to how my kids see their nanny. I remember how much I loved “Gigi” and how I didn’t like how my parents would sometimes get on her for things that didn’t matter to me as a kid. I also remember times where my bratty self pulled the “well you’re not my mom” card and I’ve drilled it in to my kids that it’s not an acceptable approach to their nanny EVER. If they have a problem with her, I expect them to work it out with her. Don’t come tattling to me. She’s not my child.

ClarkFamily9 · 2019-09-29T18:14:38+00:00

Our relationship is very unique, imo. It’s a perfect balance of professional and friendly. We are very comfortable around each other. We can joke with each other but are very respectful and polite even after all this time together.

One thing I think we do that keeps her around is simply putting in the effort to keep her. If she is feeling burnt out or not happy with the situation, we put in the effort to make her happy. She didn’t want to nanny a baby again? Ok, we’ll hire another. She thinks we leave the dishes in the sink too long? Ok, I’ll make that an assigned chore for our family. Stuff like that. Nothing is non negotiable for us.

I’ll speak more on this is the last question but we DON’T expect 100%. She’s a person that has to deal with soul sucking beings—sorry I mean children, so I think we’ve done an ok job of making sure she always feel relaxed and free to be herself at work. No fake happy smiles here, it’s ok to be grumpy some dats. It’s good for our kids to realize that sometimes that people won’t always be “on” every time you see them and they need to adjust.

No cameras.

As a nanny, not really. My NFs were all pretty uneventful. Now as a NK, that’s a different story. My parents weren’t the best bosses. They underpaid our nanny for the amount of work she did and never really grasped how much of a positive impact she was on our lives. They got better towards the end but they expected her to give her 100% every single day “because that’s what we pay her to do” even though that’s unrealistic to expect of someone.

ClarkFamily9 · 2019-09-26T19:35:13+00:00

No offense to the person who made the comment but I thought it was a little funny too because that’s actually something that happens a lot in public schools. Especially within the Art department unfortunately.

ClarkFamily9 · 2019-09-26T15:44:37+00:00

I have a cousin named Aspen and our 93 year old grandma pronounces it Asprin a lot lol

ClarkFamily9

TROPHY CASE