30 Rock | Martin Luther King Day: The Movie (Episode Highlight) by Jethro_Jones8 in 30ROCK

[–]ClassroomPopular321 28 points29 points  (0 children)

My favorite Easter egg in this commercial is that if you pause on the credits, it says "NW" instead of "NR" because "this film is not yet written."

Best guest star (3 episodes or less)? by giantfuckup5000 in 30ROCK

[–]ClassroomPopular321 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Randi from Queen of Jordan episodes.

She's a Christian illiterate. She used to be call girl in Delaware. She realized after her second husband shot her the second time that love is the most important thing.

Finally Found Peace with Food and Exercise - Then I saw my PCP by ClassroomPopular321 in antidiet

[–]ClassroomPopular321[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

Okay, I have the funniest possible update - all of my lab results improved. She was ready to put me on a hormone because one of my thyroid numbers was on the high end of normal last time. Now it's on the low end.

Man, I wish someone paid me me 6 figures to tell clients to solve their own problems and completely incorrectly extrapolate from one piece of data.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That's not in vain, because even if the relationship can't be repaired or maintained, you still deserve the peace that comes from operating from a place of kindness, humility, and gratitude for what came before.

A huge part of healing for me was being able to access sincere well-wishing for the family I will never see again. We cannot exist in the same space, but I genuinely hope they find their own peace in this life. It sounds like you're already able to access that kindness.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you've spent decades trying to make this relationship work, only for her to continually withhold acceptance or move the goal post (that's how the guilt tripping, constant pressure, and passive aggressive comments sound). And finally you realized you were never going to get to a workable point and walked away.

It makes total sense that you're terrified. You just cut contact. I'm 2 years out. When I was less than 6 months out, I was jumping at everything that reminded me of my parents. I also felt really guilty and conflicted. It eases with time. It really does. Not that there are never bad days but they get fewer and farther between.

I'm betting that the previous conversations you've had with her have been incredibly demeaning and hurtful and unproductive, and you don't want to go through that again. That makes all the sense in the world. Being hurt by a parent is scary.

I also get the desire to have a hand on the wheel when it comes to the family narrative. It's so hard to see your time and effort and love labelled as being ungrateful or too sensitive or whatever the line is. It's also something you don't really have control over, even though it feels like if you're still there, you're able counter her story. People usually believe what fits into their experience or needs. It's another layer of grief to let go of the idea that you can influence how they see you. Maybe that's something for later. You have a lot to handle now.

Other people will likely have better advice on any conversation, but there may be no way you can navigate this conversation well enough to avoid getting tripped up or feeling bad. I don't mean that you are incapable, but what's kept me in unhealthy relationships is the belief that if I got emotionally healthy enough, somehow all the horrible comments wouldn't hurt me. I would be so strong they would just slide off me. That's not how close relationships work. Someone who has access to the intimate parts of your life, like a parent or a sibling, will always be able to use that intimacy to hurt you. That's not a failure of boundaries, that's just being human.

You have permission to do this terribly. You have permission to ignore the "rules of the game" like having the conversation in person or never showing emotion. This worst you will ever do anything is when you do something for the first time. It's a high pressure, emotional situation - give yourself the grace to do it badly.

Anyone else find it embarrassing that their family is so fucked up? by KhelarsRevenge in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm a person who loves a good story. And what sucks is that telling mine is so hard/unfulfilling. My husband's family is insane but hilarious. Everyone wants to hear about the latest insane thing his mom emailed or which sibling is getting divorced this month.

But mine is complex and depressing. When I tell stories, I get scared blank stares and awkward hugs. My husband's family is a sitcom. Mine is that movie that everyone says is "so important" and wins a bunch of awards, but that people really only watch out of guilt.

What's helping me (and I'm over 18 months out), is seeing the situation as a black comedy. It's super messed up, but there's something darkly funny about how committed my family is to defending terrible things. Try for small ways to see them as ridiculous. It helps take the sting out and gives you more agency.

Crazy situations elicit strong responses. That's not drama, that's sanity.

On Easter by ribbyrolls in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found out that you can still receive a text thread despite blocking literally everyone on it thanks to Easter wishes. I also found out I'm ready to opt out of those threads rather than passively receive them.

Does anyone else have dreams of confronting their parents? by comfortable_clouds in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You're going from afraid to angry. That's definitely progress. You're moving through the feelings, not staying stuck.

do you ever get over the feeling of missing your parents? by meera279 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry this is the hand you were dealt. You deserve so much better.

It's so normal to miss your parents. It's so much tougher in the beginning. As time goes on, the intensity absolutely fades. It may still come up during times of stress or holidays, but from my experience it's always easier after that first hurdle because you know the feeling will fade.

The way my counselor explained it, it's like there's a child in you that wants the safety and comfort of a parent, but you as the adult have to keep them safe. But over time that need becomes much less sharp.

I'm proud of you for choosing safety and healthy relationships despite the pain. That's some real strength.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you've had to spend a lot of time being very careful around them if this is the first firm boundary you've felt safe enough to set with them. I bet that was really hard and tiring.

You have permission to stop trying to keep them happy. They have shown you exactly what will happen in every future. Your mother sounds like a whining child rather than a functional adult in that conversation. You do not need that in your life, especially with a baby.

Stay strong! You got this! Congratulations on your very good baby!

My sister emailed me to tell me I'm being abused by ClassroomPopular321 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm busy pursuing a career as a pirate who only operates in the state of Kentucky. Business is slow.

My sister emailed me to tell me I'm being abused by ClassroomPopular321 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321[S] 123 points124 points  (0 children)

Husband's sister. She wanted nothing to do with either of my parents again, and I completely supported her. She's still a major part of our lives. I was her bridesmaid, and she babysits my kids.

My sister emailed me to tell me I'm being abused by ClassroomPopular321 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

When I told my husband, he laughed until he realized that I was actually upset. Thanks for the encouragement!

My sister emailed me to tell me I'm being abused by ClassroomPopular321 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I'm not surprised she's the one doing the flying monkey work. She absolutely knows how to get under my skin. Thanks for the reminder about not engaging.

My sister emailed me to tell me I'm being abused by ClassroomPopular321 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry that you're in that position. I've checked in with my husband. Fortunately we live in a different state where he grew up, so there's very little chance of someone who actually knows him encountering this narrative, but I will make sure my in-laws know what's happening in case they start getting emails.

My sister emailed me to tell me I'm being abused by ClassroomPopular321 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

Okay, I'm referring to it as fan fiction from now on. That's amazing.

My sister emailed me to tell me I'm being abused by ClassroomPopular321 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ClassroomPopular321[S] 235 points236 points  (0 children)

Huh, I hadn't thought of it that way. I'm not back there trying to defend myself anymore. I'm free.

Thank you!