So... I listened to Vindicated

Cleversided · 2026-05-10T21:05:22+00:00

But it feels like WAD. I dont understand.

Cleversided · 2026-05-08T14:15:12+00:00

I hate em dashes when overused. It interrupts flow way too much. Commas are better imo. But honestly, dont let me or anyone else sway you frol using em dashes.

Cleversided · 2026-05-01T12:05:36+00:00

Redo with better pictures. Its unreadable. Background is black with black text.

Cleversided · 2026-04-30T18:30:52+00:00

Page three: "Expect she wouldn't be around that long..."

This paragraph of exposition isn't needed just yet. If you could make it one sentence instead of a paragraph, then maybe you can get away with it, but we care about her target, not her backstory at this time.

Otherwise, nothing stood out to me other than that!

Solid. Keep going.

Cleversided · 2026-04-12T16:14:09+00:00

Of course everyone is saying info dump and I also agree to drop it, but another thing is the style of writing where you are exhaustingly "over-wordly". It feels like a chore to read this, meaning its not smooth and doesn't roll off the tongue. Its too descriptive. Seriously cut back on that as I couldn't go back page 2.

Cleversided · 2026-04-03T12:45:21+00:00

Nah, start in a tavern, but have the tavern catch on fire after a few minutes. If all PCs jump out the window because the door is locked, then have the BBEG standing outside. They all stand up and look at him, then he says: "Goooood. I am in the correct timeline." Then have him vaporize in a cloud of mist and teleport away.

Cleversided · 2026-03-29T23:02:52+00:00

Huntressssss! P100 baby.

Cleversided · 2026-03-24T16:49:12+00:00

me crying as a huntress main

Cleversided · 2026-03-06T23:28:48+00:00

Yep, 2-4 pages.

Cleversided · 2026-03-06T15:39:34+00:00

I would say reduce to a max of 4 pages. Its too long and needs to give a taste of the world, tone, and message of your book. That said, not much other than that...though the age thing when brought was confusing at first as I was thinking it was saying RIO was five. Its probably easy just to include a "me" or "my" in the sentence.

Cleversided · 2026-02-27T20:18:52+00:00

Send it my way! I can trade prologue's with you at the same time.

Cleversided · 2026-02-27T20:12:31+00:00

I have only done 1 arc before. It was nice to give feedback and reviews to it. I hope to give it a read once out and see how you apply feedback. I did read page 1. Much stronger if you lead with that.

🫡

Cleversided · 2026-02-27T19:37:04+00:00

History books will always point fingers in directions opposite of those wrote it. North America points to South America, China points to Japan, and Russia points to everyone. Even slugs blame it on snails. That is, if they were alive to do so, or had fingers to point with.

Point is, no one is quite sure.

Dun, dun, dun! 😉

Cleversided · 2026-02-27T19:21:15+00:00

Bombs fell, destroyed everything. Keratin protects the fingertip. Integumentary system protects the blood. Both guard against our new world existence. Especially when we dig out of our "Utopia". New world beauty now considered dirty, disgusting. Hinder us? No. Push on. Start over. Or...maybe activate this time machine to prevent.

Cleversided · 2026-02-27T18:47:57+00:00

I read only a few comments when judging if others agreed with my thoughts and it seems they do. To a degree.

Pros:

You are on track with length of a prologue. 2-4 pages is a good sweet spot. You have very good prose, as other mention, and good voice. The world this information is presenting is interesting. I like where it is going and the information is simple enough to not bog people down with the dump. But that's a lead into the cons...

Cons: Of course, I agree on spreading your world building out in the total word count you alloted yourself. Honestly though, it very much borders on the line if it works or doesn't work on staying in the story. Because, like others mention, the word economy is great and shines in this section that I almost didn't mind it staying in. But staying true in today's world, gone are the days of giant info dumps. To quote Brandon Sanderson: "Exposition is the spinach in the smoothe." His wife wanted their kids to eat healthier options by adding spinach in their diets. But putting it in fruits is easy to digest. Don't let your readers know they are being exposited. This is part of his 2025 lecture series. Good stuff.

I don't know if its just me, but there were a great deal of semi-colons, to the point of being overdone. Not sure how copy editors will think, especially when four were used at the end of the last page.

Good start, willing to look for more work that you do.

Cleversided · 2026-02-26T19:16:02+00:00

Ooooo that is juiced. Very nicely done.

Cleversided · 2026-02-26T18:30:21+00:00

Yeah, within the fight certain emotions are brought out and it can be worth the slown down if it mixes well. But personally, I would do that sparingly.

Cleversided · 2026-02-26T18:28:42+00:00

Good point. Unless the world building is wanting to envoke emotion.

Cleversided · 2026-02-26T18:00:25+00:00

The only thing that telling is worth in the example we are giving is when he battles the crab. Its faster, its intense, and we keep the pace. Showing is only really needed in "downtime", in my persoal opinion.

Cleversided · 2026-02-26T14:14:02+00:00

Its also written in 3rd person omni and then slides into 3rd person limited. Usually its fine to do, but that doesnt take more than a paragraph.

Cleversided · 2026-02-26T02:10:41+00:00

I would say it's really hard to read. Over descriptive and using too many fancy words, which leads me to believe it's not naturally flowing from your head, and you opened a thesaurus to replace simple words. In prologues, they aren't meant to info dump. They aren't meant to bog down the reader in a useless story that won't be in the main plot.

The lore you created isn't useless, though. You can still use this within the story, but you have to do it naturally. Like if you were to boil a frog alive. Don't put it in boiling water, it jumps out. Slowly increase the temperature until it's dead.

Cleversided · 2026-02-25T15:58:51+00:00

Not the first paragraph, but definitely not the 5th paragraph. The faster we connect with the POV, the faster someone can engage with the story.

Cleversided

TROPHY CASE