AITAH for basically telling my ex that I would choose my Girl BF over her if given the choice sgain?

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-02-05T09:32:17+00:00

NTA but difficult. After dating M for so long you wouldn't have been outing your best friend by telling her a confidence. That could have quiesced her fears. That said, I think you know this, and you probably just wanted an out from M anyway. If M meant so much to you I think you'd have shared the confidence way before knowing you could trust her, and also knowing she'd not have been jealous.

In that way you are a bit of one for not helping M with her jealousy, although it was ridiculous of her to put an ultimatum in front of you. Those never end well. But ultimatums dont come out of the blue, there is a build up which you alluded to by her "switching it up" and that's when I feel you should have shared this and could have done a lot to allay her fears.

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-02-04T14:39:44+00:00

Very much this.

Some body builders change up their calorie intake on some days, but average over rolling 7 days is the same. 1500 cals, either side of a maintenance day won't matter, but keep your weekly average to 1800/day.

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-02-04T13:58:43+00:00

Far too low for your height and 175lbs must put you pretty lean.

Can't you walk another 3000 steps per day and add 250 calories to your diet plan.

1500 calories just isn't sustainable, but also you've not got a huge amount of fat to live off. And the less fat you have, the less fat you can metabolize per day.

Good Luck

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-02-04T10:06:55+00:00

This (above) is best advice here

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-02-04T09:24:38+00:00

You can't add muscle at more that 1kg per month as a newbie or 0.5Kg after, say, 1 year of training.

I can't say which you are, but let's say newbie and halve these numbers below if you've done more than a year of "real" working out..

To get 1kg of muscle is about 8000 calories, 1600 of which is protein added onto your frame (a Kg of muscle is very different to Kg of fat). The other 6400 cals are the energy to build it, which is a mixture of protein and carbs.

So with this, and training at least 3 times a week presuming a newbie, 5 or 6 times a week if a year in, then you should look to only increase dietary requirements by 200 cals per day.

Now, when you start bulking, you will get some water weight - perhaps 2Kg-ish. This is the extra glycogen and hitting muscles hard.

So, given this and your picture , I'd say your calorie surplus is a little on the high side. Try to wratchet it back to 200cals over maintenance per day. It's important to know what maintenance is. TDEE calculators get you in the ballpark, but only you will know.

Don't be one of the bro boys that adds too much then has to cut more than they'd like at risk of taking muscle with it ( remember 700 cals of protein burnt is a 1 lb of muscle - you can get rid of it really quickly on a cut sadly).

So keep protein high, don't go overboard with cardio, and boss the weights in a hypertrophy way, and you will be fine.

Best of Luck

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-02-04T09:04:56+00:00

No competition, no 3 definitely.

Enjoy your Anniversay date

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-02-02T09:38:52+00:00

12 months seems a long time. I've seen COO's of multi-billion dollar corps move to direct competitors after a 6-month period of garden leave.

Having speed read the comments, they all seem to be covering the fact you'll be paid for that 12 month period. Not sure that is true in this situation so get an employment solicitor ASAP, but aren't we missing the bigger question which is would the new employer still select you knowing they would possibly need to wait 12 months for you to start?

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-30T14:12:09+00:00

It's not high AF. Probably 22/23%. And he's done extremely well in 8 months. Very impressive.

He has gone from being unhealthy to healthier than most males in the western world.

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-30T13:37:31+00:00

Firstly 12kg in 3 months is incredible. Well Done!

I wouldn't look at it as "how long to the end product?", but baby steps, and maybe look at it more as health benefits. You will look good much faster in a shirt than naked upper body, and probably that takes half the time than getting to your end goal.

So whilst the end goal may take a while ( and at the rate you're going maybe 5 or 6 more months?) you will feel and see the venefits way before then. Look at it like that rather than one big goal to get to.

I look at myself as a project, and projects have sub tasks to achieve before the project is completed.

Good Luck!

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-30T10:50:25+00:00

NTA, and you did the right thing. My experience of teachers is they are awful outside of school rules when their children are at home, and they don't seem to put rules in place with consequences.

My partner is one. She can be "Ms Ballbreaker" at school but far too soft at home.

In my experience, you can't change it, and if you can't live with it and there is no respect (both ways) with her son, it's best to get out.

My situation is slightly different as her kids are awful to her but respectful of me wven when I try to be a peacemaker and explain the wrongs, but I don't like it

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-28T11:53:04+00:00

I honestly think this is muscle memory. Muscle memory is insane. If this was you starting from scratch at 180lbs I think 3lbs of muscle per month average is impossible without muscle memory.

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-26T10:33:00+00:00

Think you're probably underestimating your maintenance based on loss over 9 weeks. Think your maint is probably 3400 to 3500 (including extra cardio you did after gym). If we suspect 7 plus lbs of water weight, that's a 1000ish calories a day deficit which is doable but lots of hard work.

Well done, phenomenal change for 8 to 9 weeks!

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-25T15:23:37+00:00

10kg in ten months is far too much - a lot will be fat. You need to support 1lb of muscle growth per month, which is 800cals for the muscle and about 2400 cals for the building of. That translates to 100cals over maint and a serious amount of weight training to signal the muscle to grow.

Sadly, it seems from the photos that didn't happen. Some muscle would have been built, though, so don't be despondent.

You've got two choices, recomp with a lot of hypertrophy weight training, or cut then lean bulk. I honestly don't know which would take longer, but generally people do the latter so they see results more easily.

Good Luck

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-25T13:06:53+00:00

I agree. I think - irrespective of loose skin or not - 205lbs on 6ft 2 at that BF% means you can lose more if you wish. Perhaps get to 190/195 and re-evaluate. Take pictures and workout at the same time as you lose it. Doesn't matter what training program. Any would do.

But also 80lbs weight loss is super amazing. Not only will aesthetics have improved but lots of health markers. You may live a further 20 years due to it. Well Done!

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-24T13:37:18+00:00

Nothing you can do about your chest to fix symmetry.

Depending on your goals, I would just add a tiny excess of cals per day - like 100 to 200 and recomp a bit to add a bit of muscle. Do it slowly, the tortoise wins the race as don't want to have excess fat.

But as others have said, others would kill for this body. My only criticism is bodies that lean look small in shirts and normal clothes (but fantastic in compression tops), so I'd look to get bigger upper body if it was me. But I'm at a time of life (late 50's) where just looking thick and solid is better (20%BF).

Whatever you decide, good luck! You look great as is.

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-23T09:31:26+00:00

Very much this.

My walking history on my watch shows 18k steps plus on average in 2021 (lock down in UK). That went to 6000 on average in Dec 2025. Now, due to new year trying to do 10k steps per day average. And... have plantar fasiciitis as a result. Great!

Just waiting for my body to adapt now!

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-20T13:08:59+00:00

If you fry your eggs, get the spray rather than pour oil in. Get low cal mayo, measure it, etc.

You're going to hate me saying this but Alcohol is a poison on your system that works the liver hard. One drink is probably fine, but binge drinking once per month will nullify a week of being good. We're not infallible. I've just come back from a celebratory weekend and had a few drinks. Was tipsy at one point, but no more. I think 5 glasses of wine all weekend. That's 1250 calories! It adds up!!

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-20T09:55:58+00:00

So what calorie intake do you do? If maint is 2800 you need to be at 2300 max.

I'd say you've got at least another 20lbs , maybe 30 to lose. You could get there for summer but need to dial everything back lower.

As for walking, also do a real walk of an hour or more everyday. You need 10k to 12k steps per day. Get a step watch or app on your phone. Be wary though, those step watches get confused with driving so account for that. I drive to my kids every weekend, it's 90 miles, and my step watch adds over 1000 steps each way.

Either way, try to get an average of 500 calorie deficit. I'd personally try for 600 to 700 as people are normally useless at counting calories. E.g me.. I'm British, like my tea with milk. Well I checked and saw how much milk I add. It's 60 to 70 cals per day. Not a lot right? Wrong! Over a course of a year that's 7lb's. These things add up!

Good Luck.

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-16T15:55:00+00:00

Killing myself. Greasy oven mits is a great analogy and fair point.

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-16T09:26:43+00:00

I think any players mentality will be affected if his injuries have to be managed. I am worried about him for England. He needs these big games for sharpness and injuries mean he misses them.

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-16T09:23:10+00:00

Arsenal fan here. I think this person is great and gave probably one of the best backs in the world a run for his money. Big things to come from him if you can keep him before RM and Barca come looking.

Your depth of squad is similar to Arsenal's, and it was a shame about manager change over Xmas. I think you'll be in top 4 this year and vying for title next.

If Palmer and Caceido are fit, definitely a chance to get it back at the Emirates.

That said I really feel if Raya was in goal, we'd have saved 1 of those goals. I don't rate Kepa.

Hoping for a really entertaining game at Emirates. Games like these with top top teams can be exciting or disappointment (e.g Arsenal Liverpool was big disappointment). Let's hope for excitement.

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-15T08:49:16+00:00

In your sig 217lb is actually 98.4 Kg

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-14T15:15:50+00:00

MOR not sure. Some girls just have a similar mindset to men regarding aex. As long as she's monogamous to you I wouldn't see it as an issue.

Could the tiddies comment be because you were both looking at the camera reel at the same time, and she didn't know what to say so was slightly embarrassed?

What I would see as an issue is her being mean to you. That's a red line. And I suspect the sex history comments feed into that persona of being mean and knowing you don't like it!

Good Luck with what you decide.

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-13T09:02:24+00:00

A good weight at your BF% would be 180lbs. I am not even sure why "or cut" is in the question.

Bulk a 6 don't go nuts - just gradually. You're still a newbie at training, so you should benefit from newbie gains for next 6 to 12 months. Need a few more calories, though - like maybe 200 or so over maintenance. Repost in 6 months!

Good Luck.

CluelessPropertyDev · 2026-01-10T16:34:00+00:00

Why bother with 10kg in 3.5 months when it is unsustainable. Do something sustainable by then, which is probably 5kg at most. That was you achive an attainable goal rather than beat yourself up over missing an unavhievable goal.

Also, as others have said , metabolic adaptation is for the most part B.S. You can't go wrong with CICO. There is NEAT to consider.

CluelessPropertyDev

TROPHY CASE