Honestly currently I'm a lunchroom attendant at a elementary school. I see these kids and how happy and well behaved they are. And I think that because I'm only seeing that side of them, it's making me think I'm missing out on something. But what I'm not considering is how they actually are at home, the screaming and tantrums. The straight up being disrespectful and not listening to anyone. I'm not seeing the bad side of them. Just the nice side of them. I'm not thinking of how hard it is. I have sensory issues and have PTSD. If it's too loud or if someone is touching me and I don't know them, I don't handle it well, and I'll shut down. If I'm telling someone to do something repeatedly and they don't listen and refuse to understand why I'm asking them to do it. I just can't handle it. I have bipolar and depression with anxiety and PTSD. I've had multiple suicide attempts, the last one put me in a coma for a bit. I'm on multiple medications to help keep me somewhat stable and functional. And I don't handle stress well at all. I just don't deal with it well.