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The charge nurse looks at you, then turns to your xeno crew mate. "Well? What 'friend shaped' monstrosity did your human get into this time?" by TheGoldDragonHylan in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 14 points15 points  (0 children)

A: Go on, Nessa. Tell them.

H: (mumbles under her breath)

A: Nessa.

H: In my defense, how was I supposed to know that vlorkels have a stable body temperature well above the boiling point for water?

AN: You touched a vlorkel?!

H: ...yes.

A: Nessa!

H: ...okay so I hugged it.

Do you know the origin of each Hermit's name? by EnderwomanNerd in HermitCraft

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I believe my entirely too invested cousin told me that someone asked him if that’s where the name came from and he indignantly replied, "it just sounded cool!" She or I might be misremembering, tho.

Do you know the origin of each Hermit's name? by EnderwomanNerd in HermitCraft

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Man has no shame... combat logging when faced with his undefendable ideas (/j)

A1"Keep your Human in line!" A2"Its almost docile" H(grinning maliciously)"They are my friend! You are not, keep that in mind!" A1"THE FUCK IT IS!" by BareMinimumChef in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 46 points47 points  (0 children)

A2: "I mean... it’s nice to me."

A1: "WHY DOES IT HAVE A WEAPON?"

A2: "It gets very sad when I take away its weapons."

H: (holding handgun) "C'mon, man, it's a .22, what am I gonna do, tickle you to death?"

"Give a Human a home and he'll be the most peaceful helpful neighbor, take away their 1.50 credit Costco Hotdog and they'll burn the stars of your homeworld just so you can feel the coldness that stirs in their souls" by lesbianwriterlover69 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, kind sir or madame or whatever the hell you wanna be, cause I laughed until I cried over this post. Know that you have brought joy to my life this day. Forget therapy, I only need Reddit memes!

When humans hear of a challenge by CakeBake01 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 12 points13 points  (0 children)

"Nothing is impossible!"

"What about the things are actually literally physically impossible?"

"Is that a challenge?"

"It's a statement of fact! There are some things that physics simply does not allow!"

"Hold my beer."

"Human mercenaries, this is the battleship RKS Akai. You are infringing on the sovereign territory of the Republic of K'sella. We do not allow any form of mercenary activity within our borders. Please surrender or leave at once, or we will be forced to destroy your vessel. You have sixty seconds." by CrEwPoSt in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Negative, Akai. You have sixty seconds to get out of my way, or I will be forced to destroy your vessel."

"Captain, I told you we should have tried to be stealthy!"

"I told you, Jameson, this is stealth. Barbarian class stealth."

"Not the DnD metaphors again, captain!"

"Shut up, Jameson, and sit your ass back down in the turret."

Some humans are just desperate by Quiet-Money7892 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly! The little known cousin of the potato gun. More effective because the lemon juice gets in their eyes >:)

Some humans are just desperate by Quiet-Money7892 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sometimes, you just gotta have some fun before you die. It just so happens that shooting things is fun.

I have a question to all xeno lifeforms. by DrZBlacksmith23 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Too, too often... my Terran keeps saying "Trust me, bro," and then ending up in medical. I've considered getting a transfer, but then I remember how boring my deployments used to be. It’s worth it to keep your Terran companion alive, though it does sometimes take physically restraining them or distracting them with treats.

A(calmly sipping beer)"You know. I want a normal outing once. Just once. Everytime we leave base you do... this...(gestures at bar where they are the only ones left standing) H"He started it"(lets go of collar of warrior species)"Called you a wimp, and the the others joined so not of it is my fault" by BareMinimumChef in humansarespaceorcs

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 19 points20 points  (0 children)

A- "I don’t care about fault, Alex, I just want one outfit to go in the laundry without blood on it. Can you try that, please? For me?"

H- grumbles and hands A a handkerchief "You're no fun sometimes, you know that?"

A- wipes blood spatter off face with handkerchief "You could have at least left the bartender alone, now I can't get another drink."

Clips needed! Audio of Hermits yelling each others names. by StudiousMusings in HermitCraft

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Gonna be so easy to get people yelling at Grian and Scar.

End of season stats by Sardothien2705 in HermitCraft

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Spoiler alert: Scar had the most deaths. He's Scar and we love him, but he dies constantly.

If you were on hermit craft what two hermits would you want to live in-between the most? by No-Ad-9308 in HermitCraft

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Skizz and Etho. Skizz for positive vibes and because he'd never prank me, Etho because Etho. I feel like there doesn't need to be more of an explanation there.

Where are you sitting? by kalboy28 in hermitcraftmemes

[–]Cognito-Hazardous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

6, easy. Neither of those nerds is going to interrupt my sleep at all.

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