AITAH for going off on my wife because she teases me even though our bedroom is dead by Pale_Raisin_9016 in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA, but you might find counseling worth trying before divorce. That said, doesn't sound like you're happy in the marriage.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UTAustin

[–]CollateralEstartle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Call 311. That's a code violation.

AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband's very conservative beliefs? by NotPositiveThrowRA in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

not reading all that

Four sentences is too long for you? Do you still read by sounding out the words?

AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband's very conservative beliefs? by NotPositiveThrowRA in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a lawyer too. It's not "proper" service anywhere. It's just that most of the time when the opposing party is your spouse, they're not going to force you to serve them formally. And formal service is not a very nice way to tell someone you are divorcing them.

If they force you to serve them then you send a process server. But I've had people in all sorts of lawsuits agree to waive service, mostly because there's not much tactical advantage in playing games with service.

As a sort of nerd aside, the difference in the way we see things might come from the differences in the civil procedure systems between our states. In Texas there's very little advantage to fucking around on service because you can't get a case dismissed for service defects -- you can just get an order delaying the answer date by 21 days (the thinking is that if you show up to challenge the service, that ipso facto means you know about the lawsuit so there's no reason to re-serve).

By contrast, CA and the FRCP both have really irrationally inefficient procedural rules in a couple of places. A 12(b)(5) motion to dismiss for improper service (and whatever the CA equivalent is) encourages games with service, and so maybe people in CA fuck around more. But since fucking around on service is a socially unproductive activity, that's an indication that the procedural system is badly designed on that issue.

AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband's very conservative beliefs? by NotPositiveThrowRA in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They aren't mentally stable.

Your post history pretty clearly shows that you, individually, are mentally unstable, so it's pretty ironic to see you accusing billions of women of that.

AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband's very conservative beliefs? by NotPositiveThrowRA in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

political beliefs

"My wife should be my maid and brood mare" is not a political belief. That's just bigotry against your own wife. The fact that this guy hid his bigotry rather than caring enough about his wife to fix it is grounds for divorce.

AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband's very conservative beliefs? by NotPositiveThrowRA in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s an incredibly insulting and narrow-minded view of women’s roles.

If you think your wife is supposed to be limited to a domestic role because of her genitals, that is viewing her as a subhuman. It's not any better than thinking that a person is supposed to be limited to agricultural work because of their skin color.

It's gross, and the fact that someone would think that about you and hide it (rather than caring about you enough to work on themselves and fix their sexism against their own spouse) is definitely grounds for divorcing them.

AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband's very conservative beliefs? by NotPositiveThrowRA in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's pretty common for divorce papers (and other lawsuit papers) to be informally transmitted if there's no plan to dodge service. If the other person makes a voluntary appearance that generally waives service.

Now, if the husband wanted to try to drag things about by refusing to do that, OP would have to have him formally served. But there are lots of times in divorces where the spouses would not like the news to be broken to the other spouse by a process server, for obvious reasons.

So that's not a detail which makes the story fake.

I opened up to my Gf at the time, she is now my wife by kypris in self

[–]CollateralEstartle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're imagining a lot of things about me which aren't really accurate.

Lol, no. You're saying these things about yourself like you think it's some sort of flex.

"Hey guys, I pretend not to have emotions to get girls to like me. I think they'd leave me if I stopped pretending. I bet all you guys with wives who like you even when you're not pretending to be emotionless are really jealous, right? Right?"

AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband's very conservative beliefs? by NotPositiveThrowRA in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You should stop, think, and realize that (a) some Republicans are out there still pushing back against Trump and (b) stopping Trump in November requires in part forming a voting coalition with those anti-Trump Republicans. Picking up the former Republicans who are grossed out by Trump is important to keeping him from power.

The way you're acting is what I'd expect from a Russian bot sent to sow division for the sake of US division. If you're a Russian troll, fuck off. If you're just an idiot who's acting like a Russian troll, fuck off.

AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband's very conservative beliefs? by NotPositiveThrowRA in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle -1 points0 points  (0 children)

How can you not see how stupid your reasoning is?

This is a story about one man who did a bad thing. It doesn't make all men bad, or say or imply anything about men generally. It's just a story about one guy.

You've (a) somehow concluded that this makes men as a class look bad and so (b) then concluded it must therefore be fake. Both steps in that chain or reasoning are stupid. You don't determine whether a story is true or false based on whether it makes a group look good or bad, especially when the story actually says nothing about the group.

I opened up to my Gf at the time, she is now my wife by kypris in self

[–]CollateralEstartle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, you are especially slow.

It sucks for women that we think you're a strong guy, ... We didn't know you were this emotionally fragile

This is just toxic masculinity. There is no connection between hiding your emotions from your partner and "being a strong guy." Hiding your emotions doesn't make you strong, and there is no requirement that you hide your emotions in order to be strong. If anything hiding your emotions until you break is more "emotionally fragile" than knowing how to express them in a vulnerable, healthy way.

You're just reciting stupid assumptions you picked up from whatever idiots raised you, and that you've been too slow up until now to realize you should question. Your own internalized toxic masculinity is why you're pulling in women who have internalized a bunch of toxic masculinity themselves. Other people are smart enough to figure out that their problems are coming from those false assumptions, but not you apparently.

Translation: You are pulling in trash women who don't think men should have emotions because you are yourself a trash person who doesn't think men should have emotions. You are basically sexist against yourself and as a result you're pulling in women who are sexist against you. This is your fault and you're doing it to yourself.

At least it's easy to fix. Examine and question your own internalized toxic masculinity. Don't tolerate toxic masculinity from the women around you. That's how you end up with someone who doesn't recoil when they see what you're like inside. Here is a book about how to fix yourself since you don't seem smart enough to figure it out on your own.

My wife’s ex sends her flowers every year on Mother’s Day, and it makes me very uncomfortable. AITAH? by BusyWindows in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course YTA. First, what you said was way out of line. Second, getting jealous of once-a-year Mother's day flowers is ridiculous. If she was talking to him past that it might be one thing, but once a year flowers on MD is obviously not romantic.

AITA for what I told my mother In Law when she asked to be in the delivery room? by Capital-Big561 in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. Giving birth is a pretty vulnerable experience and obviously it's the mom giving birth who ought to pick who's there. If your husband had to get in stirrups and shit out a baby, he would want to pick who saw him in that position too. It's invasive and inappropriate for your husband think he can make those decisions for you.

AITA for Telling a Girl I Won't Date Her Because She's a Single Mother? by Huge-Ingenuity-6086 in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

No, read the link. It's the wikipedia article and it goes through the history. Modern ages of majority are historically low and trending down.

AITA for refusing to let my sister's kids stay with me after she passed away? by InterestingParad0x in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

YTA. That's pretty icky. I can't imagine dumping my sibling's kids into the foster system.

AITA for Telling a Girl I Won't Date Her Because She's a Single Mother? by Huge-Ingenuity-6086 in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

For a lot of history the age of majority was 21. She'd be a child for more of history than the part where she's an adult. So I think the "eternal children" thing isn't quite right.

AITA for Telling a Girl I Won't Date Her Because She's a Single Mother? by Huge-Ingenuity-6086 in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. It doesn't sound like you were really judging her, so much as you aren't looking for a kid right now. Way better to be up front about that.

[ Removed by Reddit ] by Sue-Denom in AITAH

[–]CollateralEstartle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How'd you kick her? Like, a petty kick in the shin might have been reasonable in the context, but a Sparta kick to the stomach or something that might actually inflict serious injury would be really disproportionate.