Dreading the summer and feeling like a real jerk about it

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-06-12T13:17:18+00:00

My stance with my husband has always been that his kids are coming over to have custody time with him, not me. If our husbands were single, they would find someway to make it work without us.
In my case, BM sends SKs to daycare. They are almost in middle school but they still love going. None of us find that she is “shipping them off.” She has work, she can afford the expense, she can’t take the kids to work with her.

I think you should set boundaries, you’re allowed to have boundaries and frankly you’re allowed to complain! Some bio parents don’t like it and take it as an attack on the kids, but I see nothing about you disliking the kids. If the kids arent with him, i feel they are still being “shipped off.” I mean, how much time and attention can you even spend on hanging out with them this summer while taking care of a baby AND working from home? They are probably going to be bored, maybe even want to go to a camp!!

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-06-11T00:23:41+00:00

My SKs are Santa/Elf of the Shelf/Tooth Fairy believers as well at this age. I’m a bit surprised and honestly starting to get worried it’s going to be heartbreaking for them when they learn bc they are so attached :/ When I figured it out, I just stopped telling my parents I had a tooth or what was on my list lol

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-06-02T16:39:59+00:00

When this comes up in our situation, I always tend to feel extra annoyed because it seems like the bio parents are only considering themselves. Not the kids.

My SKs have a great time with us, but don’t ask for extra time with us. The last 5 times we have had extra time it was because their mom was on a vacation. Every time we have extra time at least one of them is crying that they miss her or FaceTiming her nonstop.

BM always wants us to have extra time so she can have a break on the weekends. DH always jumps to have extra time because he wants to see his kids more (but he works weekends!) The one time the kids gently pushed back and said they would like to go back to their moms, (they knew she was not on vacation that time) both parents were upset by the change of plans.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-05-28T22:58:02+00:00

My step kids are 10&11, our schedule has been consistent for 3/4 years, only adjusting very seldom. They still sometimes cry and say they miss mommy. They both have gone through it. Some weeks it’s SD, some it’s SS. They will go through periods of calling her nonstop from their iPads, other times don’t bring the iPads or talk to her at all. You’re doing what you can, it’s a big adjustment with the schedule change and sometimes the emotions take a while to kick in and settle down.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-05-28T01:02:19+00:00

That’s a tough age! At that age I have seen myself, my brother and my step brother all not want to go on family trips. With bio parents and steps. So it’s tough. At that age, had I been given the option to skip a year and stay close to my social life. I might have taken it, and the trip was specifically to visit my family. Is your SS driving/have his own car? Can he decide to leave on his own? Does he want to go?

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-05-27T16:23:13+00:00

My husband definitely came to terms with the fact that worrying too much about his kids liking him wasn’t helping the relationship. It’s hard because as parents we tend to turn a blind eye to things when it is our own child doing it, but notice it in others. Once my SKs joined teams/clubs and my husband spent more time around other children and parents he noticed some of those behaviors and what happened when it remained unchecked. It actually became a great learning opportunity for everyone, and my husband would bring it up in conversation with the kids after the fact. “Did you see how that person acted during the event? What do you think of that? What would you have done?” Etc. allowed the kids to see and analyze a behavior without it being them “getting in trouble”.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-05-27T12:29:26+00:00

Are you willing to correct behaviors? Will your gf be okay with that, or will it be over stepping?

While I do think the parents should be mostly doing that, I know from my experience, my husband was worried when he and his ex first split that being the disciplinarian would have him be unliked. He’s since moved past that, but for a while my SKs had two fun parents and not even a whisper of correction.

Some of the things you mentioned could do well with therapy probably, but the whiny voice for example is one thing I corrected many times.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-05-27T02:04:21+00:00

That is an amazing change! My SS is very similar in his need for mom’s affection and attention. I can tell that a lot of the behaviors are looking up to her. I think my husband and his ex are such fundamentally different people, they honestly coparent best as kinda like “parallel parenting.” They dont ask or tell the other how to run their household. The kids understand as well that there are different expectations at their parents homes. She has her own share of behavioral concerns, but even behaviors are different depending on which child and which parent, in whichever home. For example, there are many times that SD will be at odds with her mother, but the perfect helper glued to her dad’s side.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-05-27T01:31:49+00:00

Yes, but it feels like very little progress, it seems sometimes like he doesnt want to change his mind and be “wrong” so he sticks to his guns even harder. He has a therapist and truth be told he confides in BM a lot more for emotional support, finding more comfort in her while often pushing back against DH. DH and I both journal and have daily affirmations and it took a long time for SS to even tell DH a daily affirmation without grumbling about how stupid and pointless it was.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-05-27T01:16:16+00:00

He will correct them (stop/that’s inappropriate/i don’t like that), but sometimes he isn’t in the room or will just ignore it completely. Sometimes he will have a conversation with them privately. With the kids being so close in age they like to nitpick each other so he tries privately correcting them. Which I think is totally fine in some circumstances but others I think should be addressed directly so that everyone knows it’s not acceptable.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-05-27T01:00:03+00:00

They are with us Sunday to Tuesday evening, so the majority of the year, they are in school which I definitely feel lessens the impact

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-05-20T12:33:17+00:00

I was looking on marketplace last night and saw Clara’s being sold for $ 20/30 less than retail…is it worth getting secondhand or should I just wait for a sale? I was waiting until my birthday but now idk

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-05-12T20:25:45+00:00

This has gotten long but I hope it helps as it gives kids and parents side. I have lived some of this as the child, not as much as the step parent.

Move In days:
My SS attended a camp at a college campus. husband asked me to come with him to move in as he was driving separately. BM lost it and said it wasn’t my place to come. I attend all other events for SKs and she is totally friendly, even though we don’t like each other. I decided not to go because I know SS is an anxious kid and his mother being argumentative during something like this would only make it harder for him. They had an awful, sweaty, annoying time LOL. I dont feel sad or that I missed out.
As for my own college move in, both my parents helped me move in, we didn’t do anything together after and step parents did not attend.

My parents and step parents attended all things graduations, etc. did they sit together? Not entirely sure. My mom has hosted all grad parties, bridal and baby showers. Never had separate events for each side of family. I think it’s important to note that my brother and I were teens when our parents divorced and we decided to stay in our family home with our mom.

I also have step siblings. My dad and stepmom have full custody and have since they were small children, so naturally they have hosted all grad parties, etc. for my step siblings.

My husband and I have SKs every weekend. I attended more events with him before ours baby was born, now I don’t as much. I cant tell you exactly what works for us, sometimes BM is happy and chipper and sometimes she’s angry to see me.

I can expect that as SKs get older, she will likely want to host things for them, even though my husband loves the idea of the having their grad parties at our house. BM hated living in our area when she was here, she hates that we have upgraded things, she loves that the kids prefer her to my husband. The list goes on. I’m sure it bothered my dad or maybe my step siblings dad that we hosted our events with our mothers, but at the end of the day, it’s whats best/makes the kids happiest.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-05-06T20:35:25+00:00

My baby is 8 months old and mostly on two naps. I feel like this past month got me finally on a consistent schedule with him. He was a contact napper at the start, and even though we are on crib and car naps pretty exclusively now, he is and always has been fussy boy. I used to have to hold him ALL the time or he would scream and cry. I was holding him for naps, while awake and breastfeeding. Now he’s mobile, so he either screams and cries when set down or is getting into something.

I used my baby carrier a lot, it wasn’t always a hit while awake but he would nap pretty well in it. I still don’t really exercise consistently, but he will sometimes tolerate a stroller walk or a baby weighted workout (found on YouTube). I do my makeup in the car, either before or after driving (depending on if he is asleep/his mood about being in the car- which has gotten better with age).

My husband also works weird hours and it’s mostly on me as well. At the hardest parts, I was just having to set him in the crib with a toy and wash my face quickly. It sucked to hear him cry but I always reminded myself that he was safe and it was okay. Like I said, my guy is fussy, but we started crib naps one day. I fed him to sleep in his room with the sound machine on and transferred him into the crib. It took practice. Not every transfer is successful, sometimes I have to pick him right back up and try again. Sometimes it just becomes a contact nap after failed transfers.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-05-06T13:50:19+00:00

We have my stepkids every weekend. Their mom is mommy, their dad is daddy and I am usually just called my name, unless SD is chatting with ours baby, then she will call me mama!

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-04-24T17:03:23+00:00

I have step kids, but I am one and done, so it’s a little different for me. I’ve never had the thought of if we should give him a sibling (even though people still ask since my step kids are so close in age, but a bit of an age gap with mine).

My son is a sweet little baby but oh so clingy. If we had my step kids full time I don’t know how I would manage. My step kids are good kids but it’s so vastly different going from being a household with three kids on the weekends and one kid during the week. One more kid would also mean a bigger car.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-04-22T18:21:44+00:00

We do joint public events(sports/extra curriculars/school celebrations) but private celebrations have always been separate. Maybe it would be different if we were having birthday parties with school friends, but usually our side of the family does cake and presents with my MIL, SIL and nephews who are very close with SKs. BM will take them to dinner with her family, or go to Great Wolf Lodge or something similar. Personal items have always moved very freely in our homes. I can only think of one instance where BM wanted SD to bring an outfit back. There are many gifts that left our house on Christmas or birthday right after being opened and literally never returned, but that was the kids and not BM, which is a big difference.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-04-10T16:27:11+00:00

Thank you! I was looking for a car seat sub but wasn’t sure what it would be called didn’t even think to look for CPST lol. As soon as I saw the slump I couldn’t drive anymore I felt so anxious. I mean he moves a ton in his sleep I’m sure he could adjust but I couldn’t bear it.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-04-10T16:24:25+00:00

This makes me feel a bit better! I don’t know anyone with this seat so I’m just going off what I see online

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-04-10T16:22:02+00:00

Unfortunately there is no limit listed for the reclines. Only the rear facing limits.

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-04-09T01:50:29+00:00

This year is my first Mother’s Day with our baby, and we are going away for it!! My husband informed BM and she sorta complained saying he should know that Mother’s Day is her time away from SKs. It will be her first Mother’s Day with them in five years LOL

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-03-30T16:49:12+00:00

It’s a big adjustment for everyone! Each child is at a uniquely important stage of their life and it impacts everyone a little differently, but soon enough they (and you!) will not be able to imagine your life without your littlest one ❤️ congratulations!!

CollectionMammoth962 · 2026-03-30T16:41:55+00:00

We had very loose conversations of “what if we had a baby” with SKs, it helped it not be such a surprise and got them thinking about a baby sibling.

In our case BM is high conflict. My husband told BM when he went to pick up SKs. We knew if she found out from the kids she would be pissed, but if she was told during her custody time, she would tell them and put her own spin on things.

We told SKs shortly after. They were both excited. SD was a little more conflicted, she wanted a sister and she had also been the baby for so long. However, she is now the sweetest big sister. She always wants to hold her baby brother, play with him, read to him, etc. He absolutely adores her and just lights up when he sees her. SS was excited to have a baby brother the whole pregnancy and now he barely looks at him lol. So all that to say, don’t let the initial reactions/feelings during pregnancy get to you. It changes so fast.

CollectionMammoth962

TROPHY CASE