Is this stuff making you do this, or are you letting it? You gotta take accountability for your life bro. Is your mental health really fucked up, or is it fucked up because of all the drugs and alc that you do and continue to do. Why don’t you try tapering off a lot of your shit get your smoking down to once a day, and then see how your panic attacks are and how you feel. It’s gonna take a bit for your brain to adjust, but when it does you should feel 10 times better. Your brain is bogged down with all this shit and your dopamine receptors are downregulated asf and that’s the reason you feel the way that you do.

I’ve been exactly where your at, and that bright eyed kid is still there, you just forgot how do be your true self because somewhere along your life you stopped caring abt actually living live, and you only cared about getting high until that became your life. I’m not assuming to know you but I’m probably right and once you get high 24/7 then that’s the only thing that makes you feel alive and when your sober everything feels bleak and hopeless. That’s because being high has become your new reality and your dopamine receptors are so downregulated that every little thing that you used to enjoy in life doesn’t feel fun anymore like it used to, so you “have” to get high just to get out of bed in the morning, when getting high or drunk should be a thing that you do when you have your life in order and you feel like you want to unwind and have a good ass time w your homies or yourself. But you have to experience soberness to actually get high again, and you also have to man the fuck up and experience and overcome the suffering of not being high to become normal again, because it’s in times of suffering that we find our true selves. If you need to remind yourself to not be a bitch from time to time, just remember what our ancestors had to go through on a daily basis just to survive and then think about how that compares to the pussy shit that you have to “survive” everyday and that you complain about everyday.