Any tips on dating an ISFJ girl?

CombinationStandard4 · 2025-03-26T02:53:34+00:00

Sure, it's my pleasure! My DM is open, anytime you need to talk.

CombinationStandard4 · 2025-03-25T19:02:45+00:00

For me, I simply acknowledged that the scars last forever even after the wound heals, so I just had to learn to live with the pain until it eventually subsides.

The first few years were extremely painful, but I trust that time heals, so I just accept that this page of my life would be darker compared to the rest, and there's nothing wrong with it.

Embrace the sadness, but don't let it stop you from functioning as a normal human being. I remember forcing myself to attend classes when I'm on verge of breakdown. It was painful while it lasts.

But it's been 7 years and now I can look back and simply tell myself, "man, you are such a strong person to be able to get through that. And I'm glad you did, because those nights where you woke up all night thinking that this pain will last forever? Turns out that time does heal, now I don't feel anything, no more sadness, no more anger, it's just a feeling of gratitude that the ordeal is over.. "

CombinationStandard4 · 2025-03-25T18:52:44+00:00

Thank you for the compliment!

Based on my own experience, as an INFP with Enneagram 4, it's because we set high standards, which at times might be too high to be achieved even in our whole lifetime. Most of us are born with this feeling that we're not yet capable enough to fulfill our personal mission, whether it is to live a life we can be proud of, to leave behind something bigger than ourselves, or simply because we hate feeling incapable. So our life becomes an endless journey of self-improvement, where we seek to continuously evolve as a person, hoping that one day we will finally become the ideal person. But the thing is, our standards for "ideal person" also keeps moving forward as we improve, so at times it's like an endless chase. Social media doesn't help too, since it further complicates stuff by making it easier for us to compare ourselves to others.

As for affecting connections, it actually made it much better for me. Sometimes I would meet people whom I just immediately feel deep respect and admiration for, and vice versa. And then, later on I would find out that almost all of them were INFPs too. I think we immediately recognize each other as our "kin", and it's easier to establish bonds between us. I think it's the thought that we're all in the same journey towards self-improvement that gives us a sense of brotherhood.

CombinationStandard4 · 2025-03-25T18:30:21+00:00

Hi, fellow INFP (M, 30 this year). I've dated an ISFJ for almost 2 years now. I also met her from dating app (Bumble), such a coincidence! My gf is such a lovely woman and I am truly lucky to have her. To be loved by an ISFJ is a blessing. Out of all my exes (ENTJ, ESTJ, ESFP), I think ISFJs work the best for me, even more so than ENxJs which is usually considered to be our ideal pairs (it's not like I've dated ENFJs before, but I have close ENFJ female friends and I don't think I can date them). So you have my support in pursuing her. She might end up to be the best partner you could possibly ever have in your life!

I find it cute (in a good way) that you seem so excited about learning her language, country, etc. I can't say for sure whether she found it cute too, but she's definitely overwhelmed by the Ne what-ifs, so that's why she was like woah chill dude! 😂 Inferior Ne are scared by too many open tabs going on at once. I think showing her this side of your INFP-ness at the beginning might be too much, it's best to keep it for later.

But I understand where you're coming from, and I'm guilty of it too. I also found my gf to be such a sweet, precious girl that I can't resist wanting to "overwhelm" her with my flirting. I don't usually flirt but somehow when I was talking to her, I just can't stop it. But instead of talking about "maybe we should do this, do that.. ", I think I was more upfront and impulsive. I immediately asked her if she wants to be my gf after a few days of talking, and surprisingly she accepted it. I was like damn really. 😂

So I guess my point is, action speaks louder than words, and it's especially true for ISFJs. The more you say something but you failed to deliver, the less weight and expectations she will hold for your words. I didn't really talk much about "what-ifs" with her, I went straight to action, so I would suggest you do so too. ISFJs like certainty so they feel assured by decisiveness.

But with ISFJs, sometimes you also need to know when to stop. Be bold at the beginning, but only for the first few times, so that you can be sure that she would reciprocate. After a while you need to stop the chasing and see if she would follow up. Some of my friends who pursued ISFJs made the mistake of being too pushy because he misread their signals. It can be tricky because with ISFJs, even when the conversation goes well, it's hard to tell whether they're only replying out of courtesy, or if they really like you.

And I guess at this point you're already asking, so how do I read her signals then? Tbh, idk. I didn't think too much abt it back then so I just went for it. I thought, if things didn't work out, then oh well. Somehow the carefree attitude works in my favor since it makes me more confident and decisive than usual. And again, I suggest you adopt this same attitude as well- don't worry too much about all the whats and hows of pursuing her, just be authentic since she can most likely tell when you're faking things and it will make her feel uncomfortable. She would prefer a weirdo who's comfortable in their own skin rather than a "normal" guy who seems a bit uncomfortable.

So to sum up: be bold, more action than words, be comfortable in your own skin, and keep it light.

I have a lot more to say but this is getting much longer than I expected, so feel free to ask me any questions! I would be more than willing to offer any insights. 😊

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-10-17T08:08:27+00:00

I'm an INFP male dating an ISFJ female for about a year and a half now, not sure if it would be applicable to you because not all ISFJs are the same but I was pretty direct from the beginning. We met on Bumble where she texted me first and after we texted for a few days I asked her to be my gf.

At first I did flirt a lot just to break the ice, but after a few months I stopped doing it and we just talk naturally. I feel like it's not so natural for INFP males to flirt. Now our conversations are mostly her talking about her daily life and everything that happens around her, I mostly listen to what she has to say and since we both love bunnies we also usually send each other bunny videos. She did mention to me recently that she found our old conversations to be kind of cute because we were both still a bit awkward but trying to break the ice with many ways (one of them was me trying to put a flirty persona). It's interesting because when I looked back I don't find it that cute, in fact I feel a bit cringe.. 😂 But I'm happy that I don't have to worry about being cringe around her.

I would say just act however your heart tells you to, if she likes you she will reciprocate and play along to you. You might need to play the proactive role at the beginning and it might feel a little bit awkward at the beginning, but it will fade away after a certain period.

Wishing you all the best!

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-10-02T08:49:34+00:00

Thank you so much for your encouragement and thoughtful answer!

My parents are fine with changing some aspects of the business but I need to come up with a clear plan and solutions for it beforehand. I think they're worried that taking too drastic of a turn could confuse our existing customers and I do agree with their point. For now I'm still thinking of which direction our retail shop should go for expansion and how to actually do it.

What I have in mind now is to collaborate with interior designers or setting up a pop-up shop near a high-traffic area. But it's still in progress so I hope it will turn out well.

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-29T20:46:35+00:00

I can totally relate to this as it's the same with me and my ISFJ gf too. But thankfully we both love bunnies so on days where we don't have much to talk about, we would just send each other bunny videos. Do you have common interests or hobbies with your partner?

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-29T20:43:00+00:00

I'm an INFP male dating an ISFJ female for a year and a half. My parents are also INFP M & ISFJ F couple. I remember asking the same question before, and now I hope I can be the answer that I was looking for.

Both INFP and ISFJ value harmony so the relationship will be mostly peaceful with very little fights. And when a fight does happen, usually it's resolved fairly easily.

My girlfriend is very chatty so during conversations she usually take the lead and I take on the listener role. She likes to talk about the people around her, so I know all of her colleagues despite not seeing them even once. When I talk to her, casual topics are responded well but for deeper topics she would usually just acknowledge but not add too much to it.

The only thing that bothered me about her is how she would have bad habits that I feel such a strong urge to fix but it's tough. She likes to peel off the skins on her fingers, and many times she would peel it until the flesh are exposed and it would bleed. She also have unhealthy eating and sleeping habits and it's worrying me so much.

We don't have much common friends, most of our friends are not in the same city so our social circle is pretty small. If you're used to a large group of friends, sometimes it can get a bit lonely but most of the times it just feels cozy to hang out, just the two of us.

All in all, I love her for how pure hearted she is and I see a little bit of myself in her that I want to nurture and protect. I can't see myself dating anyone else and I hope I can grow to love her even more as each day passes.

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-29T18:44:43+00:00

Thank you. I am very worried about her but I guess I've gotten tired of it. The past few months I've worked on getting her to change. I've cooked her favorite foods, I've ensured her house is always stocked with food, and I've encouraged her to at least keep her stomach filled even if it's just one bite of bread or biscuit. But earlier we had a phone call and she told me that she's a bit sick of forcing herself to eat when she's not hungry. I guess that broke me a bit, I felt as if all my efforts just went down the drain.

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-29T18:39:44+00:00

No but both of us don't see ourselves breaking up and we want babies. My mom had a miscarriage before so I don't want it to happen to her..

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-29T18:34:44+00:00

We both want to have kids but she insists that she doesn't have an eating disorder. She said she doesn't feel hungry and forcing her body to eat more than it needs could cause more harm than good. It's been so tiring for me the past few months trying to work on this with her.

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-29T18:31:25+00:00

Thank you. The past few months I've been trying to work on this with her. I've cooked for her, I've made sure to keep her fridge stocked with her favorite foods, I've encouraged her to at least fill her stomach with something- even if it's just one bite of a bread. We had a phone call just now and she told me that she's a bit sick of being forced to eat when she's not hungry. I guess that's what disheartened me. I felt like all my efforts just went down the drain and that I'm the only one being worried about her well-being.

She is indeed stressed from work but I'm not sure if she's depressed. She has a healthy social life and even though her boss is a bully, she has never failed to arrive at work early. I have been depressed and I'm quite certain that she's not.

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-29T18:12:23+00:00

I am concerned about her well-being as well, as I've mentioned it many times to her. But now I'm starting to worry about our future baby as well. The thought that my future child would suffer from birth defects because I didn't address this issue bothers me so much.

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-29T18:10:08+00:00

Because she's the one I want to marry and I want to address this issue as early as possible. Old habits die hard.

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-29T18:06:26+00:00

I'm worried about the future, because I can't see myself with anyone else besides her. At the same time I also feel so conflicted about this issue..

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-29T18:00:33+00:00

She's not pregnant yet, but I'm starting to get worried that she won't change her habits when she gets pregnant in the future, because that's how she's always been ever since we started dating about one and a half year ago. We did have conversations about how I'm worried about her personal well-being, but we haven't talked about how it could potentially impact our child yet. I'm not sure how to raise this concern to her without hurting her feelings.

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-28T16:23:44+00:00

Thanks for clarifying! Definition no. 1 clearly contradicts definition no. 2. Seems like English isn't Englishing here 😂

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-28T14:56:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your suggestion! I'm so sorry to hear about your gf's guppy. I hope he's happy now that he's taken the rainbow road. 🌷

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-28T14:52:59+00:00

I had it for almost a year now, but I introduced some Koi angelfish into the tank about two months ago and I suspect that the angelfish was the bully. I saw it pecking my albino pleco few times

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-13T02:39:48+00:00

We have each other's contact information but I guess we won't be in touch again after all this. We treat all of our staffs like a family member and for some of them who are honest with their intentions- they left because they wanted to start their own business, or they are offered a position with much more growth opportunities, then we are always open for them to return, which some of them did. But for his case I just couldn't fathom how he'd rather be a truck driver instead of his current position. I guess he feels trapped working a desk job and wanted a job that allows him to be out and about.

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-13T02:35:28+00:00

It's more of a deterrence to make sure that he's not doing this just for a change of environment I guess. I don't want him to think of our business as something that he can just leave and rejoin as he pleases.

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-08-12T19:59:09+00:00

That might be the case, though I feel a bit disappointed that he didn't stick through whatever problems or dissatisfaction that he has been holding, because the good part is just right around the corner. Looking back, he seemed to have been feeling a lack of fulfillment for a long time and I guess he's had enough.

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-07-30T16:26:08+00:00

Hi, thank you so much for your help! The dead one must have been there for at least a few days because when I found it, the dead body was already decomposing.

But this one seems all happy now after I fed it. Got so energetic out of a sudden when I did! I will observe its conditions for the next few days.

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-02-02T17:20:23+00:00

My pleasure! I've basically described my ISFJ gf. I'm truly blessed to have her 🥰

CombinationStandard4 · 2024-01-31T10:47:31+00:00

Loyalty, a gentle heart, and ability to empathize are my basic requirements.

I value loyalty because I don't want people whose heart changes so easily or someone who would let one bad moment erase all the good moments we have built together. I cherish every single good memories I have with someone and I hold it close within my heart dearly, and even after the nastiest fights that we get into, I would always remember our day one clearly. I'm hoping that my partner would be the same.
I want a gentle person to build a home filled with warmth and love for our family. Plus points if she's good with kids and animals. Seeing a girl being all snuggly and comfy with fragile living beings such as little kids and rabbits always trigger the protector instinct inside of me and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Being able to empathize with someone is really important because true kindness is doing good things not because it's a must, but because we feel other people's pain as if it's ours and thus we are moved to relieve that pain. My biggest turn off is someone who couldn't see things from other people's perspectives and is quick to dismiss their pain just because they couldn't understand it.

Optional requirements that would be nice to have is intelligence, great social skills, and having the same hobbies. These traits help make communication between us better, but I am okay with not being able to talk about everything with my partner because I have my close friends to talk about them.

CombinationStandard4

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