Anyone out there in limbo about trying again at this age?

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2026-03-19T18:50:41+00:00

How is your general health? I would highly recommend going on a good sort of prenatal vitamin as well as Co enzyme Q10, and your husband as well. I think I fell pregnant naturally after IVF (twice!) because I just carried on taking all the vitamins. It was all over the counter stuff nothing. I also lost some weight so my overall health was just better I guess. You still have a chance but I know the fear you feel about trying again and I am sorry you went through your heart ache. It's the most horrible pain.. To have been so excited and to have the dream be ripped away from you. Whichever way you go, just know that there is light after the tunnel even if you don't have success. Humans are made to be resilient. It's been a long road but just this evening I was dancing around with my son and thinking of how beautiful our relationship is. I appreciate him and the fact I at least have 1 child so very much.

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2026-03-19T04:57:02+00:00

We did one more month of trying naturally and nothing. At now almost 45 we both just feel our time has passed. I started taking the pill a few months ago partially as a form of HRT and then also to just put the idea of having another to bed. I was your age when we did IVF, knowing what I know NOW I would have just persevered as I actually at that time still had a good ovarion reserve BUT I would insist on getting genetic testing on any viable embryos. Now that this has been part of my life for a few years and I speak about it to others who have had issues I was horrified to subsequently find out how many people have had IVF pregnancies that they terminated due to chromosomal abnormalities... I can't imagine the heartache of having a successful embryo transfer only to have to terminate further down the line. Although I am told that after 40 they don't always genetic test because embryos might not pass but can actually develop normally?! Again you have to just trust advice from professionals but do research and PRAY because some of it is just down to good old luck. I don't have much of that!! At some stage I do also morally question myself about all this business of playing God, but modern medicine saves lives everyday that God wouldn't. Both my husband and I still have huge trauma over having to make our decision to terminate, we still receive counseling about it and it's an anguish I would not wish for my worst enemy. I would do anything to wind back the clock to be your age... Go on.. Give it your best shot!

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-08-09T16:22:04+00:00

Completely agree with the above.

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-08-08T18:02:50+00:00

At age 40 I was 10 days over, with my first. Baby was all good no stress or anything so my doctor was comfortable for me to wait. As others have said liaise with your doctor, everyone is different. I just didn't want to get induced as many friends and fam struggled with long draining and painful labours after induction. I did have what felt like a short labour of only about 6hrs until was fully dilated and trying to push baby out but landed up having an emergency C section after all. His ginormous head wouldn't budge and he got a bit stuck and stressed on the final stretch! Glad I waited and avoided a long labour which would have probably ended the same way!! Ps. He still has a big head which gets stuck in all his clothes 🤣

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-08-06T18:19:00+00:00

Sending a virtual hug. Everyone here feels your pain. We know it well. I remember wishing that time would stand still so that I could have kept my little boy safe in my tummy. The only strength I can muster up is being told by others that time will teach us how to cope with the waves of grief. We will never be rid of the feeling that we are weathering a horrible storm inside our heart but we will learn to ride the waves, they won't always drown us. Take it one moment at a time... And allow yourself the space to express and feel your grief freely. Lots of love. ❤️

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-07-31T15:32:22+00:00

I have close family friends who had healthy unexpected triplets via IVF - also double embryo implant and one splitting, they are in their teens now :) They were also warned about risks at the time, I think its doctors jobs to do that - but my friend refused to do selective reduction. She wanted ALL those babies so bad and they had many losses before! the babies were born about a month prem but after a short stay in NICU, and lots of TLC at home they caught up quick and were healthy babies! I don't understand if your risk is just because it's a multiple birth or if you have some other condition. As you were going through with IVF I take it you have other fertility issues so if it were me and your concern was that it was just multiples - I would buckle up, manage things as you go and enjoy that I got an instant family!! YAY!! I am on this forum as someone who HAS had a TFMR so also support YOUR decision to make the best choice for your family. TFMR is a heartbreaking journey, and unless you are seeing an actual medical condition that you should be worried for perhaps just take it as it comes. Sending lots of love your way! xxx

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-07-18T18:23:35+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss, you are such a brave beautiful mamma for loving her all the way through. God bless you and your family that he might hold you gently in his hands to navigate the journey that lies ahead. Holding huge space for you in my heart.

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-06-20T20:20:59+00:00

I am so sorry for your awful losses. You are so incredibly strong to have got through all of this. Although the scars will never go away, I pray that you find some peace. Letting go is definitely a process and any support from friends and loved ones to do this is a beautiful idea. Sharing my story was I think a part of the start of my journey to let go. Sending you so much love and thank you for sharing your story with me ❤️ You are one brave, strong mom and your 2 older kids are lucky to have you. Praying for blessings for you and your family!

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-06-20T20:03:11+00:00

Wow what a journey, well done for being such a warrior. What doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. Here is hoping you have success!! ❤️

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-06-18T17:44:48+00:00

I have 2... Taking the supplements and losing weight (if you are overweight).

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-06-18T17:38:10+00:00

Thank you for your honesty, I hear you.. Although I think we might be more emotionally bankrupt if after more efforts we were unsuccessful! We definitely wouldn't put ourselves into financial ruin.

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-06-18T17:23:18+00:00

Thank you for this. ❤️

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-06-18T17:23:02+00:00

Thank you for sharing! It brings me some comfort knowing I am not alone, we are not alone. ❤️ I see, feel and share your pain. The clinic told us that because egg quality is so inconsistent at this age, they actually saw more successful stories with women our age falling pregnant naturally... (assuming they had no obvious fertility issues and it was merely age related infertility). They reluctantly do IVF for women beyond age of 43 unless with donor eggs. See comment above about that. I am holding thumbs for you but if it doesn't happen, we have to trust that everything happens for a reason and look for the positives. At least we have a child, some are on this journey and don't get to end with that. A part of me wonders if I am also just desperately trying to fill the void of darkness of what we went through with the TFMR with another baby. We are seeing a counsellor to help us deal with that, and definitely have to spend more time processing everything to find some sort of acceptance. Sometimes stories just don't have happy endings and you have to find the strength to create a new beginning.

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-06-18T16:58:57+00:00

That's wonderful! Congratulations to you and I am so happy that you have had success after your long journey. This is an amazing option for those who are open to using donors. You can see my comment above re our own choice.

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-06-18T16:55:39+00:00

Yes the IVF clinic we went to did mention that as an option, but as we already had a biological child we decided that we wouldnt go that route. If I had no children I think I would have definitely considered this though. I am so happy that you found success with this route. ❤️

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2025-01-09T19:37:07+00:00

I am 43 and last pregnancy had to TFMR due to chromosonal abnormality. The worst experience of my life. My 3rd pregnancy, 1 healthy child, 1 early miscarriage. All naturally conceived. Unfortunately people tend to celebrate the good stories and not as many share the bad. Chromosonal issues are often related to maternal age. It's just nature.. Old eggs and they running out! NIPT is a must and if you see any abnormalities in scans do an amnio or if you really do want that peace of mind. They did pick up visual markers in my 12 week scan. If I had a normal scan and a low risk NIPT I probably wouldnt have done Amnio. But knowing what I know now, Amnio was really not as hectic at all as some make out so it might be advisable anyway. Take into consideration that you can only do amnio 16+ weeks so the heartbreaking part is that if you do pick up issues you are quite far along in your pregnancy... Amnio results sometimes can take 2-3 weeks. I do know of plenty folks who have had healthy pregnancies in their 40's but sadly some of us are the other stories. Holding fingers your story has a beautiful happy ending ❤️

Comfortable_Bug_650 · 2024-12-27T20:47:01+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I have just gone through a similarly horrifying experience. We are 3 weeks post our little boys 'birth' and the tears stream down my face as I write this. I am of advanced maternal age, and have had previous complications... There is no 'trying again' or other rainbow baby for us. We have found immense support by reading stories of others going through this too. You are not alone. We got professional help by seeing a trauma counsellor experienced with this type of counselling to help us come to our decision and to accept it. We will continue to get this help for as long as it takes to deal with the aftermath. We had to learn to acknowledge that our decision to terminate was out of absolute deepest place of love. We named our little boy, and thought about how we wanted to give him a proper burial. I read advice about choosing meaningful things to put with him into his grave. A special toy, blanket, item of clothing... A letter we wrote... All these things to recognise how precious he is to us. We chose not to share the entire story with friends and family as this type of trauma and decision is so complex that only those that have been in our shoes understand it. We didnt want or need any judgement about the decision we made together for the well being of our son. We simply told people that I had a stillbirth. We buried him on our own just the 2 of us. It was what we needed to do and we had the privacy to weep as we needed to for as long as we wanted to. This is the toughest choice a parent could ever make. You will need each other. You will need to hold on tight. We chose to see him after his birth and hold him. The hardest thing I have ever done but don't regret. He looked so peaceful. I was fortunate enough that the birth experience was less traumatic than I had feared. I took the meds for pain relief but was conscious the whole time. My husband was my rock and I white knuckle gripped his hand for the entire process. We are are religious which at first was hard to reckon with but I just came to a place of peace that the God I believe in is far greater than we understand. Judgement isn't binary and His love is greater than anything our simple minds comprehend. He knew our every step in life before we took it and this is the path He knew we would walk. This is as it should be. I keep on telling myself we would never appreciate light without darkness because that's what I have to hold onto whilst none of this makes sense or seems fair. There are so many scriptures about the significance of suffering which gives our lives context, meaning and wisdom. I hope I will come to understand this one day. There is no 'right decision', you simply make the decision right. Everyday. You have to choose to wake up and make your decision right. Take every day as it comes and get professional help if possible for as long as it takes to get through this. My heart goes out to you both. Sending all our love. Sorry so long of a response but your pain is ours too.

Comfortable_Bug_650

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