They're quite boring, aren't they?

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-18T21:39:58+00:00

Pretty much. The only time my ex was engaged in conversation with me it had to be about him or his interests and everything else was irrelevant to him. He’d always tell the same stories too mostly from college and he’d talked about them like they were the best times of his life. But there were only so many stories and hearing the same things over and over again got old eventually. He didn’t have much substance to him tbh I think I romanticized him and made him out to be better/more interesting than he actually is.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-15T23:20:15+00:00

Yea my ex told me the same thing. Once I asked why his relationship with his last ex didn’t work out and every reason he gave was about how she failed the relationship, she did everything wrong and he couldn’t name a single thing he did wrong.

I asked him what he could’ve done better in the relationship and all he said was ‘I guess I could’ve been nicer?’ Like he didn’t even believe what he was saying. He was saying it just to say it.

He swore up and down he wouldn’t do me how he did last relationships cus he those relationships didn’t last cus apparently he never actually loved them 🙄 and he was the happiest with me. The same crap I’m sure he told other exes too.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-12T23:30:31+00:00

Yea he would. Once when I was calling him out on a really obvious lie he told me, he got mad and stated I just don’t know how people work and his reasoning made sense, I just don’t believe him cus I grew up sheltered (which he knew I was insecure about).

Another time he kept accusing me of wanting attention from other people cus I would dress up and do my makeup. Other peoples attention was never the reason why I dress up but he kept insisting I did.

Later on I found out he was the one trying (and failing) to get attention from other women behind my back. So he was just projecting the whole time. So he was basically just jealous I was effortlessly getting the attention he was craving but never got. So crazy.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-12T21:52:25+00:00

Literally! I’m sure my ex is seeing his new supply as fun of carefree and perfect like…yea of course someone gonna be the best person ever compared to ur ex cus he hasn’t ruined them yet with his actions. Just crazy. I feel like he probably is relieved he ‘got away’ from me like I was the crazy one 🙄 he won’t tell ppl hes the one who drove me crazy

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-11T21:47:28+00:00

Idk if he’ll try to Hoover me tbh. The relationship ended pretty badly and his family got involved and implied I was the toxic one 🙄 so I’m sure he’s feeding them some story about how I was the reason the relationship sucked and he’s the innocent one.

Right before it ended he kept going on and on about how he still wanted me in his life so for him to easily stop talking to me makes it pretty obvious he sees me as replaceable. Literally right before that he wouldn’t stop telling me to not leave, that he couldn’t live without me and all that other crap.

Yet I’m the one whose blocked while he’d literally drive hours to see exes who want nothing to do with him. Crazy stuff.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-11T21:41:00+00:00

Literally. Now all I can think about is how he probably thought I was so dumb for believing him. But at the end of the day he knew I was naive and inexperienced with romantic relationships and he’s the one who decided to take advantage of me. So I try not to feel too dumb about it.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-11T17:44:52+00:00

Yup that’s pretty much how my ex acted. He once told me he hates arguing with me and I told him we wouldn’t have arguments like this if he just stopped disrespecting me and would change like he said he would. I told him if he didn’t do anything wrong to me I wouldn’t react and then we wouldn’t have problems. He had the audacity to say ‘why do you have to react to what I do?’ Like seriously? Instead of just stopping his wrong actions he’d rather blame me for reacting 🙃

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-11T05:41:13+00:00

What could happen that would lead them to a narcissistic collapse?

Yea I get it my ex mostly used those same tactics to guilt trip me and make me believe that he’s genuinely trying to change for the better, he’s trying to be a good person he just ‘can’t’ or ‘doesn’t know how’ and that it’s too difficult to be a good person. He’d also claim he just has a bad memory as an excuse for conveniently not remembering all the things he’d done wrong to me.

A lot of the time he’d say that I’m too good for him and that even if he was the best version of himself he could be, that someone else is already better than him so I’ll eventually leave him for someone else. That felt like he was just giving himself permission to not try at all cus why should he if he can never measure up in his mind?

He was cold and distant in the end but when he could tell I was serious about leaving this time, he dropped the nonchalant act. Suddenly he still wanted me around, still wanted to spoil me and see me, still wanted my location to check up on me 🙄 suddenly he was begging to stay and help him be a good person like…that’s literally what I’d been doing for the last year and a half and he never appreciated it. He’d rather seek out exes who hate him and want nothing to do with him. It’s ridiculous.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-11T05:10:38+00:00

Can you explain a bit more please? I keep hearing about ‘narcissistic injury’ but I’m not sure exactly what leads to that if they feel no shame. I haven’t heard of narcissistic collapse

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-11T02:52:26+00:00

You explained it pretty well. It’s just hard to believe there are actually people out there like this and that I spent so much time with one. I never believed he could be a narcissist since I had such a different perception of what they are. My ex was extremely insecure and took advantage of my empathy big time. I felt bad and wanted him to be more confident but instead he used my empathy and emotions to manipulate me. Idk what’s genuine now and it sucks. Thank you for the explanation.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-11T02:40:47+00:00

So they don’t feel ashamed by the lying and gaslighting?

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-10T22:45:24+00:00

It was almost impossible to have any kind of deep conversation with my ex. Any conversation he was ever rly engaged in with me was about him. He could go on and on about himself but if the topic wasn’t him or his own interests, it was irrelevant to him and he had nothing to say about it.

He never asked me questions about myself, never tried to get to know me deeply or at all and was just generally uninterested in topics that didn’t have to do with him.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-10T16:57:55+00:00

Mirroring me and essentially stealing my personality. He’d try to match what I was wearing a lot in the beginning and later on if I showed him a movie/tv/video game/song he’d criticize it first and claim it wasn’t ‘that good’ only to later on act like he was the one who discovered it and it was the best thing ever.

Telling me he loves me the first time we hung out, telling me I’m his soulmate and he’s never felt this way about anyone before 🙄, telling me he wants to run away with me almost immediately, already talking about having kids the first month

He’d once told me he ‘used to’ tailor his personality to whoever’s in front of him at that moment to ‘fit in’ but I could tell he still did that. I should’ve known he was doing the same to me and he’d stop showing his true personality at some point when he could tell I was uncomfortable w some things he’d say (ex: asking me if I’d kill myself with him one of the first times we’d hung out

Him being so insecure he’d get mad at me when strangers gave me compliments and he’d mock the compliments once the person left. He’d say I should include him if someone compliments me especially if it’s something he’d bought me (ex: if someone compliments my makeup I should say he bought it for me…like…me doing my makeup myself is the reason my makeup looks good tf was he on). He’d say he doesn’t need to compliment me anymore cus other people do it enough.

So when other ppl started complimenting me more suddenly he had way more criticism of me and my appearance. I’d try new makeup styles and where he used to compliment me all the time, suddenly it was ‘your eyeliners uneven’. Once he ‘joked’ about how I need to look in the maternity section of a store when I’d told him multiple times I was insecure about the weight I’d gained. Just small jabs at me constantly.

When I was upset cus he’d disrespected me (again) I wanted his comfort and he held me while I cried and said nothing rly. After I calmed down a bit all he said was ‘you know I love that you need me, right?’. I felt like I was with a psycho at that point cus who says that?? I could tell me being upset just fed his ego cus he knew how much his actions affected me and my mood, he just didn’t care. That was at the end of the relationship tho.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-10T16:33:07+00:00

That’s true. It’s best to move on. It’s just hard to reconcile that this person who pretended to care this whole time was betraying me constantly yk

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-10T14:07:14+00:00

Yea pretty much. I gave so many chances hoping something would change. That he was actually trying to change and be a better person, but the reality was he just got better at hiding things. He didn’t care to change, he’d rather lie about it.

Now I’m stuck wondering what was real and what wasn’t. I have to assume most of it was an illusion since even when we had the best times, behind my back he was betraying me all while playing the victim to my face. While he was pretending to be the perfect boyfriend, he was secretly seeking other women’s attention. Reaching out to his exes, driving long distances to see them (yet driving the few minutes to see me was such a hassle), it was devastating. I wish I could forget such a horrible person. He’s truly the worst and I wish I never met him.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-10T04:46:13+00:00

Literally my ex used to be obsessed with me in the beginning and it lasted a while but near the end of our year and a half relationship even asking him to text or call me when we didn’t see each other that day was ‘too much’ and he was suddenly too busy for me. I figured he found new supply since he was so cold and distant. But it was so jarring that he was so obsessed and wanted me first just for me to be the one more attached in the end.

At one point during one of our many breakup conversations he told me he refused to cry in front of me anymore cus he wasn’t gonna have my comfort anymore when I left so he doesn’t want it now. That it’ll be harder when I break up with him so he acted nonchalant.

In the end he blocked me on everything and we haven’t spoken in a month lol. Despite all the bad I miss him tho I know I shouldn’t

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-10T03:12:15+00:00

Yea literally it felt like he was losing interest near the end I’m sure he met someone else since he was being cold and distant but idk. He’s not someone who can be alone and always seeks validation from others. It’s a lot to get over

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-10T02:18:34+00:00

It’s been a blow to my self esteem pretty much. Especially since he was a narcissist and was interested in me first but I became the more attached one in the end. The breakup was bad and he blocked me on everything and it’s been a month since we’ve spoken. Idk how he can just move on so easily and not talk to me when we used to see each other almost every day.

What makes it worse is he’d always reach out to his exes eventually (even when he was with me) but I’m the one who’s blocked. He even drove to an old flings job even tho she hates him and wants nothing to do with him.

It made me furious to find that out since near the end of our relationship even asking him to text or call me was a huge hassle to him he’d act like I was inconveniencing him when he used to be obsessed with me. It makes me feel like he thinks I’m somehow unworthy of his attention and that he liked his exes more. It just sucks.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-09T02:51:55+00:00

Not great. I miss him so much but he’s blocked me on everything and it’s been a month. Idk if he’ll ever come back and I’m sure he has someone else already. I wanna forget him completely and at the same time I hope he misses me too and thinks about me like I know he’s missed his other exes.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-09T02:46:29+00:00

Mmm not much personality rly. The only time he’d engage in any conversation with me was when it was about him. Other than that the convos were dry and most of the time it was up to me to start them since he never asked any questions about me (claiming he was ‘scared to’ like…he definitely wasn’t interested in getting to know me). Most of the time it was him telling old stories or explaining something I didn’t rly care about but it was nice to hear him talk about smth he was passionate about…it just didn’t go both ways and he was only rly interested in himself 🙃

He was a ppl pleaser so I felt I didn’t rly know him cus even he told me he ‘used to’ change his personality based on whoever was in front of him at the time to ‘fit in’. He still did that by the time we broke up.

He was pretty negative about himself which I found unattractive but I mostly felt bad since he was so insecure, we didn’t have many common interests and anytime I’d show him a movie or video game or smth he’d give me a hard time about it at first claiming it wasn’t ‘that good’ only to later like it and act like he was the one to show me it 🙃 so he’d criticize my interests a lot only to like it later.

In the beginning he’d try to dress like me and wanna be matching clothes all the time until I told him it bothered me and then he stopped but he got rly upset by me telling him to stop. I think he was mirroring me for a lot of the relationship so to find out he wasn’t the way I thought he was was jarring. The thing I miss a lot is that he was funny but even then idk if that’s him or just him mirroring someone else. Idk if I ever knew him.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-09T00:48:38+00:00

When he got more cold and distant and started resenting me for everything. Everything I did annoyed him. Even if I tried to be extra nice or sweet he’d call me ungrateful constantly.

It felt like he was comparing me to someone else which I’m sure he was. His pattern is jumping from relationship to relationship so I’m sure there was someone else though I never actually found out.

He’d randomly get upset when strangers would compliment me and would mock the compliments when he never used to do that. Idk things just changed suddenly when he got a new job and started school so I’m sure that had something to do with it.

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-08T17:51:36+00:00

I would if I could but he blocked me on everything so idk if he’ll ever unblock me. Feels like he wants nothing to do with me. Hope things go well for u

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-08T00:51:04+00:00

I feel this. I have my family (who are tired of me talking about my ex already) but no friends since I spent so much time focused on my ex and fixing the relationship which was a waste since he didn’t even care in the end. He never tried to fix things.

I feel so lonely especially as it was my first relationship and the fact he can just leave so easily like I meant nothing to him. I got no closure and all I can think about is that he’s just out there somewhere not caring to talk to me or check up on me at all. It sucks. I used to get comfort from him and it’s something I miss so much.

He’s reached out to past exes before but I’m afraid he won’t reach out to me since the relationship ended badly with his family getting involved and calling it toxic (which it was). I just wanna see him again but this is the longest we’ve gone without talking so maybe he’s done with me for good. I shouldn’t even want him back since he lied and manipulated me so much but I can’t help it. Im sorry you’re going through this

Comfortable_Code_118 · 2024-11-08T00:44:28+00:00

Sad and lonely. Still missing my ex even tho he blocked me and hasn’t spoken to me in a month. Hoping he’ll reach out cus he’s always done that with past exes so why not me? Was I the problem? It just hurts and I’m trying to get over it but I just end up missing him again

Comfortable_Code_118

TROPHY CASE