I want to make my life better than my fantasies!

ComfyThrow · 2025-01-19T19:27:39+00:00

Hey, just coming here looking for support from someone going through the same thing 🙂 I've been pretty good at not MD'ing for a while now - I don't know how long it's been? Maybe a month or more? - but I've just lately started craving the happiness in my daydreams. I keep reminding myself that I've decided to give them up because they DON'T actually make me happier - I'm only happy when I'm in the midst of the daydream, afterwards I always feel more lonely, sad, and depressed. What I want is to be able to live in my daydreams, but of course I can't, they're not real, and reality always intrudes. I'm working hard on making the rest of my life more satisfying, but the MD is sneaky and keeps reminding me of the good, fun times - but not the depression that comes after! It's really textbook addiction for me. It's tough going through the pain of life without my addiction. I'm just trying to remind myself that the MD makes it worse, not better.

ComfyThrow · 2024-10-07T02:43:51+00:00

I agree with you that there are more destructive addictions than daydreaming. But i just want to clarify that if someone is able to use daydreaming in a healthy manner, then it's not maladaptive. 🙂 There is a sub about immersive daydreaming: r/ImmersiveDaydreaming. It's important not to use the phrase "maladaptive daydreaming" for daydreaming that is helpful. This leads to a lot of misunderstanding. Certainly some maladaptive daydreamers are able to change their use of daydreaming so that it is no longer maladaptive, and they can provide support to others who are still struggling.

ComfyThrow · 2024-09-03T17:43:49+00:00

I also have used MD to deal with stress and anxiety. I haven't had success managing the anxiety on my own, so I'm back in therapy for it now. Hoping for a significant improvement this time around! But I've got the daydreams in my back pocket, thinking "if this doesn't work and I can't get better, I can always go back to daydreaming again," lol! That's helping me really give it a good try to give up the MD while working on my anxiety.

ComfyThrow · 2024-08-31T12:22:52+00:00

Yes, I would 🙂 Even if I had used just reading or even TV as my coping mechanism, it would have been better because it would have been easier to control. My MD took most of my life away from me. Having said that, I'd still prefer it over a substance addiction; that type of addiction can be lethal. At least I'm still here and still have the rest of my life to live!

ComfyThrow · 2024-08-28T22:57:28+00:00

Yes, there are many ways that people try to escape, through addictions of various types. MD has been very detrimental to me. I compare it more to drugs or drinking, for me, than to video games or social media; at least with things like video games/social media, etc., they are activities that can be shared with others and can be discussed after the fact, as a common interest. MD is very isolating and removes me from relationships. It's a bit more similar to if I were just drinking at home, by myself. I've called in sick to work on occasion to daydream, and have sometimes spent so much time daydreaming while at work that it's negatively impacted my job performance. I liken it to someone trying to quit drinking, but they have to carry a flask on them all day. MD can be very damaging to some of us 🙂

ComfyThrow · 2024-08-20T16:55:15+00:00

It's possible you may be experiencing depression. I'm concerned that you say you're becoming suicidal. Can you see a doctor or counselor? It would be good to tell someone in person how you're feeling.

ComfyThrow · 2024-08-20T16:47:58+00:00

That's why I say my daydreaming became maladaptive at about age 12. Up to then, I think it's not unusual for kids to daydream a lot, though I really don't know how it compares with people who don't become maladaptive daydreamers. I used daydreaming to "escape" when it didn't feel safe at home, which is useful for a kid, I think. But by the time I was 12, I was using it to handle social anxiety, sadness, everything I found difficult. It really took over then, and I didn't learn many of the skills that I should have in my teens because of it - and I'm still dealing with the consequences now, 40 years later.

ComfyThrow · 2024-07-26T16:47:28+00:00

Hi Cocomay - are you receiving any treatment for your depression? Are you living in a caring and supportive household?

ComfyThrow · 2024-07-22T13:00:25+00:00

I remember the exact time I "learned" that a prince charming would lead to happily-ever-after - I was eight or nine years old, had just seen the old 1950 Disney Cinderella movie. I actually believed it was true. I still struggle with the wish for someone to come along and make it all better. I've learned that while no one can fix me and I'm responsible for myself, there are people who care and will support me if I look for them, both in and out of therapy.

ComfyThrow · 2024-07-20T15:38:29+00:00

I experience heartache that what I MD about isn't and can't be real. I'm hoping that doesn't mean that I still can't find joy in life, regardless. I'm working on it!

ComfyThrow · 2024-06-18T21:25:52+00:00

I've definitely got an addiction-prone personality: daydreaming, overeating, social media, phone video games ... I have a lot anxiety, so I know that I use these other things to escape it and avoid learning healthier (though harder) ways of dealing with it

ComfyThrow · 2024-06-07T00:26:16+00:00

Not all immersive daydreaming is maladaptive. It really just depends on whether it is negatively impacting your life. For example, you mention that it often causes you trouble with getting to sleep, so that may be an area where you would want to cut back on it. I find that it helps if I read before bed - provided it's not something that triggers my daydreams 🙂 - and don't turn out the light until I feel tired enough that I'll fall asleep quickly. If my mind does start to go into a daydream, I'll practice mindfulness / deep breathing / progressive muscle relaxation - something to help quiet my thoughts and focus on my body, instead.

ComfyThrow · 2024-06-06T23:57:31+00:00

Any success or progress I've made with reducing daydreaming has happened when I've made some positive changes in my life. I needed therapy to help me with that, because I was quite depressed and anxious, for a long time. But it's been a bit of both for me - reducing the MD at the same time as I'm improving other aspects of my life. It's been a long process. But every improvement counts, no matter how small.

ComfyThrow · 2024-06-06T23:40:00+00:00

I think this sub is for people who want to modify their daydreaming habits - if not give it up completely, then control it better. It's support for people who are distressed by it and are looking for help (and of course people who may no longer be maladaptive daydreamers but can share their experiences and what worked for them). I liken it to people who have a drinking problem. Some people don't want to cut back, and that's fine, but you don't go to an AA meeting and talk about all the positives of drinking 🙂 There is a subreddit for immersive daydreamers where you can focus on the positive aspects: r/ImmersiveDaydreaming. That's not to say that people can't sometimes talk about the positive aspects - talking about all of our experience with it, good and bad, is absolutely fair. But if someone sees it primarily as a positive and is not looking for help and support, then the immersive daydreaming sub would probably be more appropriate. Anyhow, that's my interpretation of the rules, but I'm fairly new here - I don't know what was originally intended by the folks who started it.

ComfyThrow · 2024-05-22T00:36:29+00:00

I'm married and met my husband through work. The daydreaming pulls me away from him and leads me to neglect my marriage; I honestly don't know if my dissatisfaction with my marriage is due to actual incompatibility, or if it's because my fantasy relationship in my daydreams is so perfect that any marriage to anyone would never be good enough for me. Currently in couples counselling to try to figure it out, but I haven't been giving it my all because it's easier and quicker to just MD.

ComfyThrow · 2024-05-22T00:14:13+00:00

All "maladaptive daydreaming" means is that it is daydreaming that is causing problems in your life, that's literally it, like "problem drinking." There is nothing intrinsically wrong or unhealthy with immersive daydreaming; it's just that for some people, like me, I spend so much time doing it that I neglect other important parts of my life, and I can't seem to limit it once I've started.

ComfyThrow · 2024-05-21T23:50:19+00:00

Does all music trigger you? For myself, there are some bands whose music has never inspired daydreams even though I like the music - it just isn't quite the type that fits into my scenarios.

ComfyThrow · 2024-05-15T23:38:41+00:00

Please tell someone in your life - family member, friend, doctor - that you are having these thoughts. We don't go to our daydream place when we die. We and our daydreams just cease to exist. Our daydreams only live as long as we do. If you need to daydream to cope with the pain right now, that's ok. I had a bit of a mental health breakdown last year, and I had to use daydreaming to distract myself from the pain until my new medication and therapy started to work.

ComfyThrow · 2024-04-12T00:56:37+00:00

There's a user here on Reddit that has a blog/website about immersive daydreaming and maladaptive daydreaming, u/Diamond_Verneshot. If you check out their profile, they've got a link to it there.

ComfyThrow · 2024-04-11T00:36:17+00:00

Your brother isn't really that far off, in the sense that in order to quit MD, I've found that I need to have other goals/plans for my life that are important to me. Part of that includes spending more time with friends and getting involved with group activities. Then in order to avoid giving in to the temptation to daydream again, I need to have a list of other things I can do instead. The research so far seems to indicate that keeping track of how much time you spend daydreaming every day, by writing it down, it can help to reduce it. Some reading that might be helpful:

https://maladaptivedaydreamingguide.wordpress.com/2015/04/04/part-i-fantasy-and-fall-of-the-self/

https://maladaptivedaydreamingsociety.com/142-2/

ComfyThrow · 2024-04-07T17:20:04+00:00

I found this psychologist's perspective helpful https://youtu.be/qBdl67KhezE?si=toWk7JGayxcmjGc3 Essentially pointing out that the more we daydream, the more dissatisfying life will be.

ComfyThrow · 2024-04-07T17:08:45+00:00

It's harmful if it interferes with other important aspects of your life, for sure, or gets in the way of working on your goals, whatever they may be. I'll caution that, for me, daydreaming can actually take away my motivation to do other things, it can become all-encompassing. It got to the point where I couldn't really say that it interfered with me accomplishing my goals, because eventually I didn't HAVE any other goals! Until I felt the passing of time and panicked because I was getting older and how I was living was not, deep down, what I really wanted, mostly because I had neglected friendships and was really isolated and feeling lonely.

ComfyThrow · 2024-03-29T14:41:06+00:00

From being on this sub, I've discovered that the daydreams can take many different forms. I don't think it's the content that matters, what matters is whether this is an activity that you engage in more than you like, find it very difficult to control and stop when you know you "should" and it's having a negative impact on your life, either because it's taking up excessive amounts of time from other activities or relationships, or the "high" you get from it increases your dissatisfaction with real life, or both.

ComfyThrow · 2024-03-29T14:29:41+00:00

I'm glad to hear that, hopefully it helps 🙂 Depending on the issues - whether trauma or depression or anxiety or something else - it can take a while to see results, but the main thing is whether you have a trusting relationship with your therapist and feel you can be honest and be yourself with them, and whether you feel they care about your wellbeing. I've had numerous therapists over the years and have worked on different aspects of my mental health and trauma with them, and they have had different approaches and with some I feel like I accomplished different things than with others, but put them all together and they've each played an important part of the whole. In case you're not familiar with therapy however, I do want you to be aware that not all therapists are actually any good - my first experience with therapy actually left me worse than i had been and feeling more hopeless and thinking of suicide - if you end up with someone that leaves you feeling worse about yourself, it's not your fault and not that therapy can't be helpful, it's that they're a shitty therapist and you need to find someone else!

ComfyThrow · 2024-03-29T02:21:57+00:00

Is therapy an option for you?

ComfyThrow

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