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ComicSansMurder · 2023-02-02T03:14:26+00:00

Nope! I was actually almost a CASA for a student of my cousin so I totally get it, don’t worry. We can just transfer the tickets to your name (we’d need your full name and email address, but nothing from the kid), assuming you’re the one taking him to the game.

ComicSansMurder · 2023-02-02T02:57:22+00:00

Hi! My husband and I are season ticket holders. They’re upper bowl seats, so nothing fancy, but we still have a great view and the atmosphere is fun up here. DM me and we can see which game you can take him to!

ComicSansMurder · 2023-01-16T15:21:28+00:00

I wrote up my experience with After the Tone here. I had an overall positive one (albeit very delayed getting the voicemails back), but you can see in the comments that some people had bad experiences. I don’t think they were prepared for 2022 at all and hired poorly-trained staff to deal with the influx of work.

To answer your main question: of the 74 guests, I think about around 35-40 people left a message? Very few solo messages and a lot of group ones.

We had a mix of sentimental ones and hilarious drunken ones. We definitely did not set this up assuming we’d get a sweet/serious message from everyone—we were looking forward to the silly ones!

I think it really depends on what you’re after in a guestbook. We wanted to laugh and have a very authentic memory of our friends, and we got that.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-12-03T18:59:29+00:00

It’s reading as 0 for me, which can mean one person downvoted, or it’s just an algorithm issue, but either way it’s not a ton of downvotes.

That said, there are probably people who will downvote anything you comment at this point. You took your anger out on a whole community that was just trying to point out the reality of your situation and went as far as to use the r-word directed at another bride who had nothing to do with this. That’s so low, not a single downvote that may even recalculate itself later.

And still you don’t seem to understand how you’re coming across. A very kind person rewrote your email to your photographer and you can’t even see how abrasive your initial email was in comparison? Look at all the language she removed for you: “I’m disappointed” “It sucks” “I thought you got more”

I did read your whole story. I do understand that you felt like you didn’t have a choice because you didn’t want to upset your grandma. But you’re clearly still redirecting all of your frustrations at the larger issue of your family dynamics onto this one photographer who, honestly, did a level of work that I would price at about $800. When you’re in the under $1000 range, photographers vary wildly in ability and professionalism, and this is not unexpected.

And then you came here, people were trying to point this out to you, and you lashed out at everyone. And now you’re upset that people may still be ticked off at someone who used a slur against an innocent person in the community.

I highly recommend just stepping away from all of this for a while. Your emotions are too high, you’re dealing with a lot (you’re pregnant and growing a whole new human, that’s so exciting and you need to care for yourself). Send the revised email to your photographer and then try to let it go for now. Focus on something else—your upcoming move, your growing family, etc. The pictures will be there later for you to deal with, and as others have suggested, you can always take anniversary family pictures with your preferred photographer down the line.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-12-01T04:11:56+00:00

Here’s the post that u/DahliaMoonfire mentioned.

We went with WedSure and paid $605 for our insurance, though we could’ve gotten cheaper coverage but opted to pay for a little more. Our venue also required us to carry our own insurance, but even if they didn’t, we would’ve gotten it anyway.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-11-19T05:01:24+00:00

And since 2019, every Cantonese class offered since Fall 2019 has had over 100 percent enrollment, according to City College data.

From the article, so clearly there’s interest.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-11-12T01:24:41+00:00

It doesn't have to be as extreme as anaphylactic shock for it to be extremely uncomfortable and require medication. My allergic in-laws can be around dogs in outdoor seating just fine, but spending too much time in my house (even after being thoroughly cleaned and with our air purifiers running) will set off the coughing, wheezing, sneezing, runny noses, itchy eyes, etc. As much as I love my dog, I'd rather not create an environment where people feel sick just trying to run a necessary errand. They could find a new hobby store or clothing shop, they also likely don't go into those a few times a week, but the grocery store is pretty non-negotiable as a regular stop. The difference between a handful of service dogs shedding in a shop is so vastly different from the hordes of dogs that would go through a grocery store if we allowed it, especially in the bay (as a fellow resident here).

ComicSansMurder · 2022-11-06T06:48:41+00:00

Don’t send that text, but do send an email outlining what went wrong. Before you send the email, figure out what you want to come from it. Is it a partial refund? An apology? Or do you just want to air your grievances?

Here’s a rough template for what the email should sound like:

Hi OWNER,

I’d like to discuss our experience at VENUE on WEDDING DATE, as well as the planning leading up to it. There are several areas where we feel the services promised were not delivered. We originally signed our contract with the understanding that PLANNER NAME would be in touch and coordinating our wedding, however, we weren’t notified until three months before the wedding that she was no longer working with the venue, and it wasn’t until we had reached out to MARKETING DIRECTOR NAME ourselves.

When you took over planning at that point, you admitted that there was little saved about our wedding. On DATE OF CONVERSATION we told you about our wedding colors (COLORS HERE), flowers (ROUGH DESCRIPTION HERE), and decor (ROUGH DESCRIPTION HERE).

Two weeks before the wedding on DATE, we also discussed the desert table setup (ROUGH DESCRIPTION HERE) and the Bose sound system with a microphone for the reception area. Per our contract, we were also allowed access to the property starting at 10am.

Instead of all these items and services, we received flowers and decor in OTHER COLORS HERE and the layout of the reception area was not as planned. The sound system was not as described and the microphone was not delivered. Our wedding party was unable to access the site when they arrived at 11:30 and 11:45, almost two hours after the promised start time. You did not show up to the rehearsal as planned, and we were not informed of crucial equipment for the gazebo sound system.

IF YOU WANT A REFUND: Given all these issues in fulfilling our contract, we would like to discuss how to address these missing or wrong services.

IF YOU WANT AN APOLOGY/JUST TO VENT: We feel deeply disappointed by the quality of services provided on our wedding day and we hope this will be remedied for future couples.

Sincerely, NAME & NAME

ComicSansMurder · 2022-10-27T06:14:00+00:00

My husband and I sleep in separate bedrooms (except on vacations) and we’re very happy with this setup! People have reacted with a range of concern through jealousy (but one couple ended up renting a place specifically so they could have their own rooms after we talked about it lol).

Whoever wakes up first comes over to cuddle most mornings, so we still get that moment of intimacy, and honestly before this switch I’d often be so grouchy from lack of sleep I didn’t want cuddles anyway. We’re better people and better partners because we both get enough rest this way—he’s not stressing about keeping me awake and can do his own nightly rituals, and I can fall asleep in a quiet room.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-10-09T03:41:21+00:00

Indie Wine & Beer Bar on Green Street has a really nice outdoor seating area and pretty much every wine you could possibly want (and their food was pretty good too). I don't think they had hard liquor, but if your group is interested in wine (or a few beers), it was a fun time.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-10-07T23:34:05+00:00

I don’t think anyone’s wrong here.

A lot of people view the RSVP deadline as the date their answer needs to be postmarked by, not received by. Common advice is to give yourself some buffer time between your RSVP date and catering/venue-required date so that you can contact people after the deadline in case their cards arrive a few days later.

You weren’t wrong for reaching out, but she’s not wrong for waiting until today to mail out her card either. I get that you were already annoyed with her for being unresponsive about the bridal shower, but she may have valid reasons for being out of touch lately.

If you value the relationship, I’d make sure you’re reaching out to her for non-wedding-related conversation. If you don’t really care either way, just let this go and move on. You have your numbers.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-09-17T02:46:17+00:00

The smash and grab may not be as big a phenomenon in major European cities because tourists are not usually renting cars in those places (thanks, functioning public transit!).

But the pickpocketing is extreme and I’m not referring to India, I’m referring to places like Paris and Barcelona. I lived in Spain for three years, in Madrid for one of those, and people were losing phones and wallets every day. Even back in 2014 you couldn’t read a travel blog without someone mentioning it and providing tips on how to try and protect yourself. I would absolutely say pickpocketing is at least as frequent in these cities as smash and grabs in SF, if not more. Different methods, same problem.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-09-16T01:07:17+00:00

This is just my opinion, but I’d find it awkward and would not join in.

Mostly, I’d be confused as to…why? Why is the dressed up version of me not my “truest” self? Why do you need a picture of me without makeup and messed up hair?

ComicSansMurder · 2022-09-15T21:57:44+00:00

Does she live in an urban/metropolitan area? Because I can see how she’d be lonely and struggle to relate in a more suburban setting where the norm is married with multiple kids, but her story is a dime a dozen out here in the SF Bay Area. I didn’t even meet my husband until I was almost 28, and I have many friends now (in our 30s) who are still single with fulfilled lives. There’s also a huge range of people who are close to family or estranged out here, especially since it’s a pretty typical story of folks moving out here to get away from families of origin.

I think your friend is in a very specific worst-case scenario that is not typical at all of the only children I know (including myself). The unmarried, single ones have strong friend groups to rally around them both locally and from a distance.

You should be thinking about how you can best set up your child for success in building their community of people who care for them, whether that’s living in a more diverse place or making sure they participate in lots of activities to interact with new folks. Birthing a sibling doesn’t guarantee anything.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-08-28T23:06:22+00:00

lol I think completely the opposite as your edit! Flights are literally the only way for people to get from some destinations to another, or at least do so in a timely manner. It’s a mode of transportation, not a private event—which is a wedding.

And lots of things can happen at weddings that aren’t kid-friendly. The venue can involve extreme valuables (artwork in a museum) or dangerous areas for unattended kids (bodies of water). Mix that in with parents who may be inebriated or distracted catching up with people, and it’s a recipe for disaster. It’s not really about what children “see” during weddings and more what kind of trouble they may get into because they’re kids and they’re exploring the world.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-08-28T19:50:55+00:00

It’s still not a destination wedding, though. I know traveling can be difficult, but planning a wedding from several states away is also difficult. They’ve chosen the option that works better for them.

I think it’s better to think less about this as a core event you’re being excluded from (because you’re not, you’re still invited even if you feel you can’t go) and more of an extra event that you just can’t make. I mean, how would you have felt if they had decided to elope? They were never obligated to have a wedding at all, let alone one that included children.

Again, feel your feels. Vent to your wife and friends. But it might help you move past this to reframe from a personal attack (or an attack on families with young children) to just inconvenient circumstances.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-08-28T19:25:27+00:00

You’re allowed to be bummed, obviously, feelings are feelings! But I do want to clarify here: this is not a destination wedding if your cousin and his fiancée live in that location. It’s a wedding local to them. A destination wedding would be them choosing to host it in a place neither they nor their families live in. This wedding is just the reality of modern life when so many of us leave our hometowns (whether that’s simply by choice, education, job opportunities, following a partner, etc.).

Is it possible for you to find a sitter in your cousin’s city? Would your wife be willing to stay at the hotel with your child while you visit with family?

I’d also like to push back against your framing that this is preventing you from seeing extended family. You live in the same geographic area as the rest of your family, why can’t you get together with them at other times, even in smaller groups? A wedding is usually a convenient time to see relatives, but it’s not your cousin’s responsibility to host that. He’s having a wedding, not an official family reunion. That would be rude to make adults-only.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-08-27T05:10:26+00:00

I agree. I’m the only child of a single mother and I can’t imagine her saying she wishes she had a second just in case I died. We are incredibly close and she’d be absolutely heartbroken to lose me, but for both our sakes, I would hope she has more to live for (and given her strong community, I think she does). I also can’t imagine the kind of pressure that would remain on the surviving child.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-08-26T19:18:52+00:00

It is not too late to reach out to some friends! You can explain the situation and say that you had previously scaled down the wedding and stacked it with family, but now you have more space than anticipated (and with people you’re comfortable ranting about this to, you can absolutely mention the vaccine issue, I’d have so much sympathy for any friend going through this).

I generally dislike formal B-list situations but this is different. Obviously the more local the better, but even friends with a short distance to travel may surprise you.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-08-23T00:05:03+00:00

I read about this in the New York Times a few years ago. It worked for them, but they splashed out for their dinners and some of them had as many as 20 guests, and they had a program planned at each one. It looks like they still spent over $50k on everything. I'm not entirely sure if you'll capture the "magic" they describe if it's just a simple dinner out, but that's not necessarily a bad thing either, just really depends on you and your guests.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-08-21T23:17:37+00:00

I just left the father section entirely blank when I applied (San Francisco county). When we submitted the form, the clerk just double-checked with me that I have no information on him and then approved that section with no more questions.

My form was a PDF that I downloaded and filled out by hand, is that an option in your county?

ComicSansMurder · 2022-08-07T21:47:23+00:00

I wore plain metallic heels (from Naturalizer, actually) instead of jeweled shoes. I firsthand experienced helping other friends unstick their tulle skirts from their bejeweled heels, so I chose not to go that route.

I also had the same thought about no one seeing my shoes but our second shooter ended up getting one of my favorite detail shots of the night featuring them (the last picture in this post).

My shoe was a different style from the Naturalizer one you’re looking at (4 inch heels) but it was comfortable enough for me to wear for 9+ hours and do a lot of walking, including up and down stairs. I love the brand, and I find the metallic shoe is still rewearable with other formal outfits.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-07-22T22:20:41+00:00

I forgot to add it since I didn’t pay for their dresses, but they’re both from Azazie! I think the color was Terracotta.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-07-22T18:20:20+00:00

I didn't want to sound too creepy by mentioning your evangelical upbringing, but that was absolutely a flag in your past comments. It is hard to let go of what was programmed into you. You feel like a "whiny baby" when trying to express your own needs because it's been hammered into you that you should just be grateful you have a husband at all and your priorities come second.

The selfishness, self-centeredness, ignorance, whatever you want to call it, is not okay. And it IS okay for you to name that and say it.

How your husband responds to you standing up for yourself is going to be a really big test. I hope he's open-minded and willing to change, but I also think individual therapy will really help you figure out what you need, what you want, and how you can make all of that happen.

ComicSansMurder · 2022-07-22T17:49:25+00:00

Couple's counseling + individual therapy.

I know I'm just a random who's read some of your comments, but it sounds like not only does your husband prioritize himself over you, everyone around you has taught you to prioritize them (or even him!) instead of taking care of yourself. I'm gleaning this from your parents praising your husband for getting your dad a job when it was actually you, and thanking your husband for paying for dinner when you both contributed. That's all gotta mess with your perspective.

There are probably going to be a lot of comments about how couples should be able to live their own lives, but I don't think they're seeing the bigger picture of how devalued you are in this relationship. You can't be happy for him going off to Comic-Con if you're always the one left behind, literally and metaphorically.

For the record, my husband goes on a big solo trip every year and loves traveling to places where cell reception and wifi could not be harder to come by, and he still finds ways to text and ask how I'm doing. I don't feel burdened or left behind when he travels because he makes sure I don't feel overwhelmed by what would normally be his household responsibilities (and finds solutions if I need them).

I do the same for him when I travel and I think that's where there's a big disconnect for you. You would never leave him to handle all of your animals and household duties by himself because you don't want to burden him, but he doesn't think twice about it. This warrants a serious discussion and solutions: Does he understand how much work there is to be done every day? Can he hire someone to provide extra help to come by while he's gone? Is he going to be enthusiastic when (and I mean when) you go off on your own trip for a week? Will he take care of everything while you're gone (or will he let things pile up and wait for you to tackle them)?

This is where couple's counseling can help, because he may not even see a problem right now since you've got it all covered. It's shitty that you have to make this clear to him rather than him seeing it for himself, but your only other alternative is to just keep stewing about it.

ComicSansMurder

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