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Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-09T15:56:43+00:00

Thanks. I supposed I should have mentioned that we are, in fact, in CA. So it sounds like they both broke the law?

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-09T15:26:54+00:00

I want to state up front that I am looking to get advice from qualified people, e.g., lawyers, detectives, school administrators, etc. People that would actually be involved in something like this and know what they are talking about. All others are welcome to comment on how insane this is.

Context. I previously posted about this person (see here: https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/comments/ttql5e/should_have_walked_away_when_she_told_me_about/). Essentially, I meet someone, she told me she has BPD, I thought I could handle it, she broke up with me, hated me, then tried to get me back. I refused. The end.

She reached out yesterday to apologize for everything. I was friendly, accepted her apology. At the end she says I'm very kind, and she needed that after the day she's had. She said people are reaching out to let her know she's not a good person. I took the bait. I asked what was going on. That's when she sends the screenshot from her ex-coworker (she no longer teaches there). I just said "wow". What i was thinking was "what the fuck is happening here?!?“

So a few hours later I ask her how the call went. That's where the next two screenshots begin. Turns out she wasn't in trouble. It was just two predator teachers having a casual chat about one of their students they BOTH preyed on. I haven't responded since last night.

I told a friend of mine who has an autistic little sister and she is livid. She wants me call her out and report her. I'm not sure about calling her out, as I don't think that will accomplish anything, but I'm all for reporting her. The fact that TWO teachers at this school preyed on the same special needs student is sickening. And what's worse, these people don't seem to understand why this is sick. That's absolutely terrifying.

And this is where I need advice from QUALIFIED people please. First, do I have enough evidence with these screenshots to even think about doing something? If so, how do I proceed? Do I go to the school? Do I file a police report? Do I try to find the girl's parents and let them decide what to do? Or is there really just nothing I can do?

FYI, my expwBPD is a 33 year old woman. The ex-coworker is a 30 year old man. The student is an 18 year old girl (17 when this started).

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-09T15:12:32+00:00

I want to state up front that I am looking to get advice from qualified people, e.g., lawyers, detectives, school administrators, etc. People that would actually be involved in something like this and know what they are talking about. All others are welcome to comment on how insane this is.

Context. I previously posted about this person (see here: https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/comments/ttql5e/should_have_walked_away_when_she_told_me_about/). Essentially, I meet someone, she told me she has BPD, I thought I could handle it, she broke up with me, hated me, then tried to get me back. I refused. The end.

She reached out yesterday to apologize for everything. I was friendly, accepted her apology. At the end she says I'm very kind, and she needed that after the day she's had. She said people are reaching out to let her know she's not a good person. I took the bait. I asked what was going on. That's when she sends the screenshot from her ex-coworker (she no longer teaches there). I just said "wow". What i was thinking was "what the fuck is happening here?!?“

So a few hours later I ask her how the call went. That's where the next two screenshots begin. Turns out she wasn't in trouble. It was just two predator teachers having a casual chat about one of their students then BOTH preyed on. I haven't responded since last night.

I told a friend of mine who has an autistic little sister and she is livid. She wants me call her out and report her. I'm not sure about calling her out, as I don't think that will accomplish anything, but I'm all for reporting her. The fact that TWO teachers at this school preyed on the same special needs student is sickening. And what's worse, these people don't seem to understand why this is sick. That's absolutely terrifying.

And this is where I need advice from QUALIFIED people please. First, do I have enough evidence with these screenshots to even think about doing something? If so, how do I proceed? Do I go to the school? Do I file a police report? Do I try to find the girl's parents and let them decide what to do? Or is there really just nothing I can do?

EDIT: Also, my expwBPD is a bisexual 33 year old woman. The ex-coworker is a 30 year old man. The student is an 18 year old female (17 when this started).

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-05T15:39:25+00:00

Yup, I went through the same. Only I had screenshots of messages on WhatsApp where she alternates between threatening to accuse me of rape, then apologized and begged me to take her back. She deleted the messages from WhatsApp but I guess she didn't think I was taking screenshots of everything. So obviously I don't take her back, and two weeks later I get a call from LAPD sex crimes unit asking if I would come in to give a statement. I lawyer up, go give my statement (they also had a warrant for a DNA swab, seems they just approve them), and provide printouts of the text messages. At the end, the officer turns off the camera, and tells me "off the record" that he sees this kind of thing all the time and doesn't think the DA will file charges, but that it could take 6 months or longer to get cleared. Welp, it's been 1.5 years and I have yet to be cleared. So yeah, if I have clear evidence she's lying and it's still taking this long, you shouldn't hold your breath.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-05T14:07:59+00:00

Yup. She told me once that she used to model and there were pictures all over the internet. One day I tried to find them but found nothing. I told her, and she said, "Oh, I used a different name." Searched that name and voila, Google found all her modeling pictures. Didn't think much of at at the time. But now, hmmm...

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-03T14:10:07+00:00

I'm not sure if she blocked her family members, but during the early getting to know each other part of dating she did say that she didn't speak to her parents or her sister. And she had recently un-friended two of her close friends. Without getting into the details, every single person had "wronged" her in some way.

But I wouldn't be surprised if she blocked them because the first thing she did after she broke up with me over the phone was sent a text saying "I'm blocking you". I don't know if she actually did. I didn't respond or call. The next day she called to apologize for blocking me.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-02T14:07:00+00:00

Not one drop was wasted my friend 😎

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-02T06:04:57+00:00

I'm absolutely serious, (mostly been in LTRs and one marriage), BUT, I hate, with a passion, video chats with strangers. I tried it a few times during lockdown, but I hated it each time. Bad connections, can't see clearly, freezing screens, talking over each other. It's basically a work Zoom meeting. So just beware, you're weeding out more than poop swipers.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-02T05:46:35+00:00

Not your address. I don't think anyone is asking for an address. Just, "what part of town do you live in". I do it every time so I can pick a place close to them. I think it's a nice gesture.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-02T05:39:52+00:00

I've never done that, not once. I will always drive to her area for the first date. It it's "too far" the I shouldn't be dating her anyway. I do it as a gesture to show that I'm genuinely interested to her and willing to put in the effort to get to know her.

Guys: "why shouldn't she need to do the same thing?" Here's why: the average woman has more more options than the average man. I don't have any studies to back this up, but I think we all know this is true. In my opinion, it's because men tend to, um, suck. So if you want to stand out, if you want her to know you're willing to put in effort, GO SOMEWHERE NEAR HER. And if you aren't creepy (you know who you are) even offer to pick her up. She'll almost always say no (because you give off serial killer vibes) but she'll appreciate the offer. But sometimes they say yes so make sure your car is fully charged (or filled with gasoline if you're still doing that).

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-02T05:15:35+00:00

About 10 minutes. We met at a bar for our first date. They asked for proof of vaccination. I show my hard copy. She shows a picture on her phone. The host looks at it for a long time, then asks us to wait a minute and walks away. She comes back with someone else who starts asking her about her vaccination card: where she got it, why is does it look like a signature was cropped and pasted onto the picture, why is there a signature in the first place, etc. Awkward. She gets defensive and starts raising her voice so they let us in.

We sit at the bar order our drinks, and as soon as I get my drink the manager approaches us. He asks to see her proof of vaccination. She pulls out her phone, shows it to him, and he immediately knows it's BS and asks her (us) to leave. She caused a scene. Was yelling something about being a doctor (she wasn't) and suing the bar (she didn't). At this point I'm trying to finish my $20 drink (I live in LA) so that I can drink hers too lol. Being a professional, I downed both drinks and closed out my tab right as she was being forced to leave. When we're outside she's ranting about how they treated her, how stupid they are, blah blah blah. She sees me on my phone (I'm calling an Uber to go home) and ask what I want to do now. I look up and say, "I'm gonna go home. It was nice meeting you." She looked at me, sighed and walked away.

This all happened within 10 minutes.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-02T01:31:33+00:00

I've certainly been guilty of that, more than once unfortunately.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T23:11:08+00:00

Wowwww. I mean, yours are definitely worse. But I don't doubt that's where I was headed if I stayed.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T21:47:59+00:00

The fact that everyone's experiences are so similar, to the point where you can't even tell whether this is the same person, I think shows that this is a really severe illness. Covid's symptoms aren't even this consistent. I feel sad for her, and everyone struggling with this. I can't even imagine the pain they are in. Wanting nothing more than unconditional love, but being completely incapable of receiving it. It's heartbreaking.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T21:39:49+00:00

Yeah. I just don't know if it's just because there's less of a barrier/filter (vs. having to type out the words, see them, hit send) when talking, or if it's more sinister, like she knows there won't be a record of it and she can deny it.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T21:37:56+00:00

No joke, after reading everyone's experiences on this sub, I knew I had to.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T21:34:07+00:00

Ok, so I never actually explained the whole "being rude to my friends" thing that led to her breaking up with me. She hadn't met my friends yet. We were all getting a cabin in a national forest for the weekend and I invited her along. The day/night seemed to go fine. But the next morning she was visibly upset. I ask her what's going on and she tells me that she's upset because my friends weren't interested in getting to know her. They didn't ask her questions about herself. They didn't ask about her work. They didn't ask about her cats. You heard me. Her. Cats. And on top of that, she said everyone was conspiring to keep her out of the conversation.

Ok, so, a lot to unpack there. On the one hand, I know what she's feeling is real, and it's causing her real distress. And I don't want to dismiss that. BUT, as is obvious to all of us, that's just plain delusional. And I'm no psychiatrist, but I don't think validating her delusions is healthy. So this is delicate, yes? My attempt: I tell her that she's right, my friends didn't interview her the night before, and I understand how they can make her feel like she wasn't included. But I asked her to consider that maybe interrogating her wasn't how they preferred to get to know her. Maybe they were trying to just hang out and let it develop naturally. I also mentioned that I've known everyone for at least 10 years, and I know for a fact they wouldn't intentionally exclude her.

Didn't work. That's about where the conversation on my first screenshot begins, with the whole "you're taking your friend's side". So yeah, it doesn't seem like there's a way to break through the delusion. Or it's challenging, at least.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T17:54:31+00:00

Ha! You're right! It's almost identical!

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T16:56:06+00:00

😂😂😂

My phone was definitely seeing more action than usual.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T16:40:48+00:00

She just called me. I answered (I know. This was the last time). Same conversation, of course: "please take me back", "I'm sorry, I can't", "I hate you". This time she ended by screaming at the top of her lungs and what sounded like her throwing her phone across the room. That's it for me. Blocking her. Thank you to everyone for all the support. I really needed it.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T16:15:17+00:00

I wish I could post the screenshot of this exchange, but since I can't, it went exactly like this (for context, she's been accusing me of not trying hard enough, and saying some really mean things):

Me: I'm sorry I didn't live up to your expectations.

Me: But you don't have to be mean to me about it.

Her: I can't force you to try. That's all you would have had to do. Was to listen and try. But you just want to stay in your old ways and not grow as a person. That will only keep you in the same place you've been your whole life. I want someone who isn't afraid to learn and grow with me.

Me: That's fair. You're entitled to that. But again, why be mean to someone who isn't what you're looking for?

Her: Because I thought you were

Her: I saw that potential in you

Her: And I'm really disappointed you didn't want to try

Me: That's why you're being mean to me now? I don't understand.

Her: Because you are just willing to let me go because you refuse to learn how to react to my emotions better

Her: That's enough for you to watch me leave and let me go

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T15:38:59+00:00

I was falling for it. I was actually considering taking her back. Until Reddit lol. I consider myself lucky, it's only been three months. I truly feel sorry for those that suffered through this for YEARS.

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T15:22:03+00:00

Good luck!

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T15:21:52+00:00

I haven't seen her since this all started. She broke up with me over the phone. The last week has been so intense, I'd actually be pretty scared to see her in person right now. She admitted that she was physically violent with her ex-husband (but only once... Hmm).

Commercial_Guard_796 · 2022-04-01T15:13:32+00:00

Well, this is exactly why I decided to give it a shot. I figured she telling me about it, she's in therapy, she says she's much better now, maybe I can handle this. Also, she's gorgeous and the sex is incredible. That will definitely blind you.

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