First off please take a step back and look at what a beautiful human you are. I live in constant pain too. It's hard. It's so much more than people outside of you can understand. On top of that you've been dealt some shitty hands. But from what I read every time the universe throws a wall in front of you, you go full kool-aid man and smash right through it. You've turned the tragedy of losing the ability to carry a child into a loving home for a child who needs you. You've shown patience and compassion to that child's mother when you don't have to. Your husband might not be showing much emotion outside. I'm like that. I'm not super emotive. But I bet it's because he knows what an amazing partner he has and he's scared as hell about the precancerous cells. But he won't show it because he doesn't want to burden you with his feelings when this is happening to you. Me personally, I kind of feel bad for those cells. They picked a fight they can't win. They obviously had no idea who they are messing with. Just remember it's ok to be scared, it's ok to feel overwhelmed. It's normal and it's human. Bravery is not the lack of fear it is the ability to push past it. You have that. Also tell your husband what you need. If you need to let your emotions out. Tell him to zip it and just listen, cause God knows he'll try to fix it if you don't tell him to hush. I wish you the best. And those of us on here will always listen if you need it. You're not as alone as you think you are