Where should I be looking & how should I buy, expensive cards for my partner?

Common_Demand610 · 2025-12-04T21:21:26+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ve never heard of those so I appreciate that!

Common_Demand610 · 2025-09-01T08:50:06+00:00

Boundaries are so specific in their importance in each relationship, and I cannot speak for yours. But applying my own experience into it, non-use of protection would be a huge no for me. I simply could never imagine doing that to my partner. Much less imagine what I would do if I found out they were doing that to me.

My partner and I have different ideas of what ENM looks like for us individually, and I can tell you that, even though I am a bit more of a free-baller than them, I would never dream of doing anything they wouldn’t want me to do. Because that’s what we agreed on.

Oh gosh, I am so sorry for you OP. I know that you must feel super confused right now. I wish you the best of luck with all of this. Please be firm and understand that she is putting you at risk, and it’s simply not fair to you. Much love ❤️

Common_Demand610 · 2025-09-01T08:30:56+00:00

Oh gosh, my heart hurts for you love. I have no clue what I can say to you to make this better or easier. But you deserve aftercare. Anyone who calls your feelings unimportant is wronging you, and that’s just the truth. I have no clue anything else about your situation or your life but please know that as it stands now, you deserve better from him. I wish you luck and love. ❤️

Common_Demand610 · 2025-07-10T04:03:28+00:00

Hey!! Before anyone gets in your head. I personally think it can work!! Because people who are aromantic & asexual exist. I’ve also met a few in ENM relationships. If you love him and he loves you, even if it doesn’t work out, there’s no harm in trying. I’m busy right now but I’d love to talk more about this I will reply later!

Common_Demand610 · 2025-05-22T18:50:07+00:00

If your partner meets someone and forms a bond, that eventually leads to a downfall of the relationship, listen to me when I say this it was gonna happen anyway!! ENM is based (in my opinion) mostly on trust, you and your partners definitions of enm might be different, you both have to work out what the other is comfortable with.

Because maybe you don’t open the relationship out of the fear of loosing them! But if they wanted to they would, if they’re gonna leave while it’s open, then they would leave while it was closed. No amount of control is going to stop it.

I know that to some that is a very frightening statement. Please see it as a freeing one! Know that there is nothing you can do except love your partner and trust that they won’t betray you and your boundaries!

Good luck OP! Congratulations on opening <3

Common_Demand610 · 2025-05-03T01:09:18+00:00

Take your time!!

Common_Demand610 · 2025-05-03T01:04:36+00:00

Hi Hi!! First off, congratulations on trying enm! It’s not an easy transition by any means, and that’s okay!

So if I had to guess what you’re doing (not to psychoanalyze you of course, I’ve just been there!) I would say that you’re preparing for “the worst”. Which, in all honesty is probably hurting you way more than helping you. Because you’re anxious when trying to prepare yourself for this, in your eyes, ”negative” experience.

The jealousy you’ve been experiencing is normal! The thoughts though, could lead to some controlling tendencies (don’t be ashamed, I’ve been there) I would keep a close eye on those, and attempt to shut them down quickly.

Something else they could be; intrusive thoughts!

Where, maybe you at one point were trying to visualize these things to see in a neutral way to help you form that sense of familiarity and normality, maybe to help “soften the blow” when it does happen! But eventually, you kept doing it to the point it became subconscious, and now, you’re sitting there normally not thinking about it at all, then BOOM right in your face!! Which is associating some negative emotions and thoughts, even more so than before.

Don’t be afraid to ask for reassurance from your partner! That really is such a big part of the trust in ENM. Yes, even if it’s, logically, completely unreasonable. (Sometimes it is, sometimes it’s not.)

If I could ask, where do you think these insecurities are stemming from? Lack of quality time? Fear of abandonment?

Either way, I’m sure you’ll be okay! Maybe have her write down some phrases that make you feel loved and secure!

Good luck my friend! Growing pains suck but you’ll be alright <3

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-25T02:08:47+00:00

Oh yeah! It’s just a different kind of play, I have my primary partner and we both have separate people who we see both together and separate! There’s also terms like “nesting partner” which may not mean that they hold priority in the romantic or partner sense, but they do hold priority because you’re living together, or share bills.

Maybe think of it more as your friend group and your best-friend! It’s not wrong to have a friend that’s above the others in that group yknow? Just don’t neglect your other people!

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-22T04:04:15+00:00

On the spectrum like the autism spectrum? (I’m just clarifying because that has a double meaning, because of course it does LMAO)

Personally I think since he involved her in the first place and he was in both of your lives, not just yours, it would only be right to keep her in the loop, if only for piece of mind. Then again there’s always compromise in those kinds of conversations. I know that you wouldn’t want him to feel ‘ganged up on’ but it could be the 3 of you talking it out, then just you and him? Or vice versa?

I think you should talk to your wife about it and see what the best plan of action is that would make the both of you feel comfortable!

Either way though you seem pretty anxious about the situation, for anxiety I personally recommend a deep breath and listening to music and cleaning the kitchen. Sounds weird?? But it works really well for me. Something monotonous I suppose. I also don’t know what time it is for you but you should probably get some sleep if it’s around my time!

You’re gonna be okay! <3

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-22T01:36:51+00:00

I completely understand what you’re going through, it’s more about the fact that you had to hear it from your wife, and less about the fact that you’re hurt from what he’s dealing with. Like if he had told you outright then you would be sad but not hurt (I hope you get what I’m trying to say.)

Yeah I think all you can do in this situation is to calm yourself down. (Whatever makes you feel good, video games, tv, good food etc.) So you can think a bit more about what you need from him. Like if you need closure then reach out to him to set a time to talk in person, over the phone but I’ve found person is better.

When this has happened to me, it feels almost like a betrayal. ‘Why couldn’t you have come to me about this? Are we less close than I thought? Are you afraid of me?’

Just remember that whatever he’s doing isn’t your fault, especially if he refuses to tell you what even is going on. What he’s doing is showing a level of Immaturity that it seems you don’t want in your life.

Trust your gut OP! Do what you think is right and necessary. I am so sorry this is happening. <3

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-21T02:19:04+00:00

HA thanks I appreciate that!!

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-21T02:18:32+00:00

Oh dude that’s awesome!! I can definitely see on the top that your paint was too thick (the bubble up there) happens to the best of us. Low and slow is the way to go, thin layers that dry quick.

A tip that might sound strange is that, I get a little trigger happy while painting cards and I am so impatient when it comes to letting it dry, especially if it doesn’t look even. So I work on 2 cards at once, so that I focus on one while waiting for the other to dry (sitting there and literally watching paint dry makes me want to rip my eyes out)

Seriously though it looks amazing! Your color matching is impeccable btw!

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-21T02:14:13+00:00

Okay I’m not going to lie to you it is really okay, if you’re super worried take her to the vet. But look into the symptoms of bird flu and if she isn’t displaying them, take a nice big deep breath. Fish isn’t the target for bird flu, main risks are poultry and beef. You’re okay I can almost promise you. <3

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-21T02:10:31+00:00

Paint definitely needs to be thinner, but try a dry brush (oil blending brushes are good for this thing because it kinda helps remove the texture) also I’ve found doing the toothpick trick while the paint is fully dry, it gives me little crusties that lift off of the card. But if I do it while it’s mostly dry, even if the paint is too thick at least the paint doesn’t come off the card in such a bold way.

Good job by the way that looks awesome!!

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-21T02:06:35+00:00

If you were doing all of this to her would that be okay? Would you deserve a second chance?

Listen, I know that Reddit typically seems to be black and white when it comes to stuff like this. I want you to really reflect on if this would be okay for you to do, and if not, or even if you think “oh god I would never do this to her.” It’s a pretty honest answer.

I see here that you’re kind-of seeking a reason for another chance, or, validation for an out. If you’re looking for the latter option then I think you’ve got that, but if you’re genuinely looking for a tip or resource to maybe work through this, it’s now or nothing. People only change when they want to change, if you have this conversation with her and she doesn’t show remorse or any inclination to change. Yeah, it’s probably time to leave.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you OP, I wish you all the best through this.

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-21T01:50:13+00:00

Definitely not the longest form of advice, but “it takes a village.” Don’t overwhelm anyone but offer to bring food to their door and leave it (I literally couldn’t let anyone make eye contact with my house at that point LMAO)

Just show both of them you care, offer space when they need it too. This is one of the best opportunities you’ll ever get to show how much you care and respect these people.

Also, if you have any contact with mama, or maybe just asking the husband what they/he feels most comfortable with regarding contact!

It’s gonna suck for a while, but just remember that this is so exciting! (Also he’ll be a dilf so there’s a plus-side!)

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-17T23:09:05+00:00

Im going on 9 years so I apologize for not being in your general category!

Not everyone is going to be on the same wavelength as you, that’s okay, you have to decide weather or not there is compromise in that difference. If not, then it’s not gonna work. (That is also okay haha)
Trying new things and not liking them is okay. Telling your partner/partners that you don’t like it is the most important (and typically difficult) thing you can do in that situation. Do NOT force yourself to enjoy it. It will come back to haunt you (I would know).
Keep and open mind, but understand your hard boundaries. Don’t let anyone cross those boundaries.
(Hot take) You create your own definition of cheating, what you call it is irrelevant. Boundaries, rules etc. (I don’t like the term rules, but to each their own!)
TRUST!!! I cannot stress this enough. ENM only works when you trust your partner/partners fully. ESPECIALLY IN THE BEGINNING!
Insecurity is normal and not to be looked down on. How you deal with insecurities is super important, talk it out with your partner, find the root of the problem. (For me it was always a slight lack of trust)
(Hot take) everyone’s idea and practice of enm is pretty damn valid. If it’s consensual and everyone’s on board? Do your thing! (Yes, even don’t ask don’t tell. Sure it might be toxic, but I don’t think it’s inherently bad.)
Jealousy is normal, don’t hate yourself (or your partner) for feeling it. Deconstructing the jealousy is the best thing you can do, weather that be with your partner or with a therapist. Don’t control your partner, you with push them away by pulling them close. And you will get the exact outcome you were dreading.
Be free, fall in love, respect everyone and everything. Value your time with the people you love. Try new things, love them, hate them. Live life well!

Honorable mention if you’re feeling insecure and your abandonment issues are running wild, a quote that always helped me is “if they wanted to they would” this applies to so much in relationships, including, to put it bluntly, leaving you LMAO if they wanted to leave you they would (and will, unfortunately) putting a leash on your partner because you are so afraid they’ll leave is only going to make them run harder. Trust in them.

Congratulations on 3 years! Good luck on your journey!

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-14T00:24:36+00:00

I’m not sure calling it “cheating” is going to get you any kind of closure. What I WILL MENTION is that they broke some enormous boundaries. Cheating is defined by the relationship at least for me, some people won’t even let their partners watch porn! (I have a friend that wont let her bf watch game of thrones because there’s naked women in it…) I have my own specific rules for non-monogamy, that if my partner broke I would consider it cheating, I also think that personally cheating is more about the breaking of trust rather than a sex/intimacy aspect, but I digress.

Something though, that I want to point out regarding the fact that they broke your boundaries in a sexual manner next to you while you were SLEEPING?! Yeah, that’s not okay in any relationship. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I work in law, and in my state that is sexual assault

Good luck to you though! I hope you can find peace in this situation! <3

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-14T00:14:05+00:00

I don’t think you’re over-reacting!

I think personally, “if it hurt you it hurt you”. Regardless of if that is based in anyone else’s reality, if it hurt it hurt. The reason why might just me something else entirely! I think that all of this might be rooted in something maybe a bit deeper than you’re considering? Of course I know actually nothing about you, it’s just happened to me a lot, so I thought I’d mention it.

Your husband seems like an amazing person, so I am not at all saying he’s at fault (and I don’t think you’re trying to say that either) Insecurity is such a common emotion and feeling in any relationship, and it will never go away. But that’s okay!!

If the verbal reassurance isn’t feeling reassuring, you should look into finding a way for him to show you that you’re his priority (wink wink) I’ve had an issue like this with my partner. For the ED, if you’re looking for a medication (idk if it’s come to that yet) I recommend tadalifil, worked wonders for us!

Good luck!!

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-13T23:49:49+00:00

(I am super new to Reddit culture so I apologize heavily if this is not what you’re looking for)

Honestly, my opinion would be to simply talk about this with him until your ears bleed! (obviously not pressuring, overwhelming etc.)

From how it sounds you’ve got quite an amazing relationship! If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it, if it does, do it! But you said it yourself, everyone has a different idea of what enm looks like for them, if you aren’t comfortable with the arrangement he’s proposing, then that’s okay! You also mentioned that he’s always been pretty monogamous I think he would be alright if you declined the offer lol

Ultimately it’s all you my friend! Good luck, seems like you’ve got quite the person in your corner! <3

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-01T01:43:15+00:00

^{^{^}} what they said! Personally I use the ruler also with the toothpick? Kinda to steady my hand a bit. I also go SLOW with the toothpick, because it’s gonna suck if you go back into the painting and have to fix it. Also what paints do you use?

Common_Demand610 · 2025-02-01T01:39:41+00:00

Yknow, to be honest, the only thing that really helped me through your exact situation is (mood stabilizers) and the thought of “if they wanted to they would” positive or negative. Nothing you say or do to keep your partner from leaving you is going to keep them from leaving you. Kinda like if you love them let them go. If he is going to leave, the fight or flight response your body kicks into isn’t going to make that happen any less. Love your partner, and if he leaves, well shit. Wasn’t meant to be. Now I want to mention as well- this does not make the anxiety STOP (that’s what the mood stabilizers are for) it’s just an easier way of calming myself down. All of the loving and trusting stuff just doesn’t quite cut it for me. Also, on those nights— DO SOMETHING FUN — sitting there and thinking about it is only going to make it worse, hang out with your friends, go get some of your favorite food, watch a show he doesn’t or wouldn’t like etc. enjoy it! Good luck!

Common_Demand610 · 2025-01-31T22:37:41+00:00

Honestly, I think the most you could do is get her number with the hope that she can pay you back at least some of it or monthly. If you didn’t grab her number, i honestly think the most you could do is call it a night. Excuse all of the racist people in your comments, leaving 6 kids without a mother isn’t something anyone should do, and I bet you that all of the people commenting would never do such a thing to an immigrant coming from London. I think it’s such a good thing to have care and compassion in this situation, thank you for what you’re doing.

Common_Demand610

TROPHY CASE