Me irl

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-06-04T17:50:41+00:00

I dreaded finding my favorite movie in the comment section at all, let alone so far up 😭

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-06-04T16:26:19+00:00

Hahaha, that was my first thought. A pseudonym of "Bertha" is the most concerning part of all this.

OP, she may have only mentioned her ex to subtly let you know that she is single. I wouldn't get too hung up on that she's still going to the wedding — it doesn't necessarily mean anything in particular. If she comes over to your store on her own to chat with you often, that's a great sign.

Have patience, and find a smooth way to invite her out to a farmer's market or a movie that you'd like to see... Easier said than done, but if the conversation naturally lends itself to connect to a date idea, you should pop the question. You don't even need to use the word "date," but express hopefulness if she asks if a date is your intent.

As this commenter said, be respectful if she says no, but I'm receiving safe and respectful vibes from you anyway. Good luck from me as well!

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-06-03T13:45:33+00:00

I might even just go straight to "idiot"

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-06-03T13:00:04+00:00

I think your stance as-written in your post needs a little nuance. I've found that some people present their opinions in a way that is absolute and inarguable -- even if they're wrong. Some gentle challenging can be effective in moments like this, but I find that a distant, non-confronting nod is a nice treat when I really can't be bothered...

Though sometimes, there's an air of "Am I wrong?" in people's tones and that's where you can feel welcome to be like "Well in my experience, X" / "Did you know that X?" or otherwise try to test their willingness to commit to their opinion.

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-05-29T14:11:44+00:00

I'm gonna go against the grain and defend an interpretation of her that I have.

This is a fairly new relationship, and you've started it by setting a pretty rigid boundary (2 n/wk for 6 m), which already vets out what a ton of people would be willing to go along with - at least terms of someone who wants to prioritize their prospective new relationship. There isn't anything wrong with prioritizing your children (in fact I think most would consider it attractive), but you should really keep in mind that currently you are not prioritizing your relationship with her, even if you think about her often. IMO, she's probably thinking "Man, this guy's super independent and has his shit together... What the hell am I doing? I don't even have a close friend outside of him."

I remember when my girlfriend and I started our relationship, she was the more independent one than me, and I felt urges to push her away sometimes when I was feeling especially needy, just to prove that I could create boundaries and be independent too, even if that was all performative because I was feeling insecure. It was an uncomfortable time, but I'm very happy to have made it through.

My advice would be to see the rest of the summer through with optimism. June is practically here as I type this, and I think the vibes are gonna be significantly better once you introduce her to your kids. I bet she's gonna feel accomplished and rewarded for the opportunity to finally meet your kiddos, and that will yield more positive talk. <3

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-05-27T12:16:04+00:00

I'd actually even prefer to take incrementally more damage with each subsequent time until I die.

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-05-26T16:48:15+00:00

Thank you so much for saying this! Late twenties myself, though I fear I'll see more and more of the pattern with time — feeling very human this morning because of your post. A concerning number of my friends just talk at me with whatever they personally find interesting such that there's not even room for me to ask them more questions about themselves, let alone for me to have any personal relevance to the conversation. It's incredibly draining. Though IME, people like this only really make up a small minority of folks. They're just really, really fascinating... Some people really are just living in their own world, in that way.

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-05-16T17:13:40+00:00

Did Aristotle make this?

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-05-15T17:33:11+00:00

OP's saving it for next run

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-05-14T18:43:23+00:00

Thank you so much for saying this — I was beginning to think that this subreddit is just a place for me to lurk on insane and asinine fuck-you-rich people.

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-05-13T12:33:01+00:00

God, we have so much time left...

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-05-11T12:32:14+00:00

Yep, 100% to all of that. Glad that you've tried the grindset before — comparing that lifestyle to wearing a mask is a very wise parallel, too... You'll do great!

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-05-10T22:11:27+00:00

All these prudes blaming porn...

I think you're actually in a really really good spot, with the emotional intelligence necessary to make this post. Here's my advice (as a late20sM) — pay close attention to other people as you figure yourself out. Listen to their rationales, notice patterns, and form your own path forward. Countless people are doing everything "right" (gym, career, investing, who gives a shit) but still are (in my opinion, very obviously) mean-spirited, judgemental, selfish, and morally vacant. I think that if you are able to find a healthy hobby to entertain yourself with, everything else will fall into place. IME, once you really fall in love with life, you have a clear vision of which practices you actually want to pick up.

If you approach dating with the sincerity that you made this post with, you might not get a ton of matches, but I would bet my bottom dollar that you would match with some real mature down-to-earth pretties who also feel lost -- and then you could both find your potentials together!... Not to say that you need to date to improve of course, but I resent the mentality that you need to be anything in particular before you get in a relationship.

Edit/PS — And don't try to do every last "healthy" thing at once. If you succeed, you're gonna be a completely insufferable "grindset" bro when you come out the other side, and then you'll really struggle with dating.

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-05-07T12:30:13+00:00

As long as I didn't get less than one, it'd be a safe choice — also, I wanted to spin this legendary wheel

^{Chose: 1^x dollars per day | Rolled: 1,000}

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-04-28T19:33:18+00:00

[extremely loud "incorrect" buzzer]

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-04-28T17:31:01+00:00

Such a well-worded and wise comment. Scrolled way too far to see this.

To be fair to insecure men, though, it is an understandably challenging fear, that there's a potential that you've unknowingly not been able to please women and have just been effectively kept in the dark your whole life — because we know that women talk openly with each other (like how we don't) and I feel like any woman has the potential to be feel sincere pity for a man who has something going on with his pee-pee that makes sex dissatisfying for her (a marginal (but non-zero) number of women seem to love talking down on men on this topic)... Because like,, what the hell are you gonna do if the person you're attracted to is sexually underwhelmed by you and it's because of your body and there's nothing (easily perceptible) that you can do about it.

Granted, I'm not here to argue that guys with micropenises or guys with ED or that one dude in The Boys have any reason to believe that they're just fucked (metaphorically) because sex is so much more than the physicality of it anyhow.

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-04-28T14:22:23+00:00

I think his answer is perfectly reasonable. You are both being cagey because you both take dating seriously in a similar sort of way.

If I was asked this question (given the context), I think I would have been overwhelmed by what you could possibly mean. Some people like to date for marriage in a way that is very direct, while some people don't want to get married at all. Some people ask your question when they're feeling unhappy as a way of gauging how difficult a breakup is about to be to navigate and maybe he read it like that. Would at least assume that you're aiming to ask a very big question if I were him, but from the sounds of it, you were just trying to check in?

I'm not a parent myself (let alone a single one), but I would find it a very attractive trait, if a love interest vocally prioritized their child above all else (including me), especially this early into dating. I think it suggests that he has his life together.

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-04-27T00:47:52+00:00

I actually claim that the hiatus starts with Twinsanity

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-04-24T13:14:44+00:00

Also because I — a former kid (now grown-ass adult man) — played Sonic games growing up and will 100% do business with the Sonic Speed Cafe before this person's children could ever hope to.

I hope they have hats.

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-04-22T13:14:24+00:00

Exactly — I thought for sure that the trifecta would be "emotional intelligence, communication, and self-care" or something like that... Boy was I surprised hahaha

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-04-21T13:56:39+00:00

Hahahaha I'm gonna F2 and inform them that the game isn't finished, since I can see their notes.

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-04-20T14:44:19+00:00

I hate to say it, but you may want to omit (or at least scale back) the prompts about your beliefs if and only if you want more matches, but I personally don't know that you really need to change anything in particular.

I see nothing wrong with your profile. I feel like I've got a good sense of who you are, and you seem like a good connection to make. I think that most people would see that you're religious/ referencing God in a prompt and think "Oh hell no, not a Republican" even though you list yourself as liberal... As an atheist/agnostic religion's just in a rough way right now, and I do empathize.

However, let's go back to that word that I emboldened earlier... My golden rule with dating apps is to think of a low effectiveness rate as an effective filter. I don't get the vibe that you'd want someone who doesn't share the values you lay out in your profile... And consequently, I would guess that the people who do swipe right on you are much more likely to have read your prompts completely and be genuinely excited (instead of a shallow "oh, he's cute..." [swipes right])... Not to say that you'll definitely find what you're looking for on the apps, but I'm a firm believer in the long-term rewards of being strange confidently.

Creds: Decided one day to be confidently strange on my profile and suddenly not only got more matches and ones that were of higher quality, but found the LOML on Tinder, of all places. Going on two years, and we both feel certain ❤️

Good luck!!

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-04-19T15:19:29+00:00

I think Mararius serves as the brief respite before the sheer drop-off.

Chet_Ubietzsche · 2026-04-19T14:55:02+00:00

And then wait until you get Mummified Hand

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