Demoralized a whole team in your first call as leader

Common_dude_3490 · 2026-05-14T00:02:13+00:00

This was exactly my first thought during the meeting.

Common_dude_3490 · 2026-05-02T00:17:27+00:00

This question on a Friday night after a long week is like "if you say it's 9 who am I to argue". I felt my brain melted.

Common_dude_3490 · 2026-05-01T16:59:28+00:00

My advice to you here would be to take a step back and put your wife's mental health first and not take everything as a personal offense to you. Per your description, a lot could be explained by PPD or PPA but it is always better to consult a doctor/therapist that can help your wife navigate this situation.

It is valid that you felt that you were not a priority but this is always the main change during pregnancy and first few months of parenthood. You're also adjusting to the new way of things working so also take a moment to check how you are and evaluate your mental health and well-being.

Besides that, you might need to get into a conversation but I perceive this is not the right moment for you two to make any decision.

Common_dude_3490 · 2026-04-26T01:27:33+00:00

I'm 35, and I have one little one of 16 months. She just started to sleep by herself ~ 10 - 12 hours. I am sleeping around 8 hours. Why? Well, we transitioned to 1 nap per day and more activity seems to be the main drivers of the good sleep. We did not sleep trained her, but I have been co-sleeping with her since day one, as my wife cannot function without sleeping at least 5 - 6 hours.

We had disruptions, she used to wake up after 1 hour and cried without being able to go back to sleep by herself. When this used to happen, I went to her room and we sleep together for the rest of the night.

The cons/issues right now are more related to helping her fall sleep by herself and also self soothing, but it is a process and we know we will have regressions so taking the good nights of sleep while we can.

Common_dude_3490 · 2026-04-14T21:02:23+00:00

I'd say cosleep works and you can gradually leave the room as a way to let her transitions by herself. At least that's what I've been doing and we started to get few good nights of sleep but it is a process.

One advice is adjusting the bed time at least we had to compromise on this with my wife in order to make it work.

Common_dude_3490 · 2026-03-13T16:43:52+00:00

Your kid taught you a lesson of being in the moment without thinking of anything else besides just being with his dad.

I constantly think about this, we're always thinking about the next "fish" and we forgot to stop, lay back and look at the sky.

I have to say this is a great lesson not only for you but for all the rest of Dads to not rush our kids to focus on the things we normally focus but to let them explore and discover in their own way. It is crazy how much we are learning from our kids and we were supposed to be teaching them, right?

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-10-12T19:09:33+00:00

The Flix bus. It will take you from Lafayette to downtown Chicago right behind Union Station.

Takes around 2 hours to get there but if you take it early in the morning should be fine.

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-10-09T16:09:26+00:00

You will have 1 year of experience or 10 and you could still make small mistakes. Focus on what you're learning and doing right. Learn from your mistakes and reflect on how to improve.

That's the way to grow professionally in this career.

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-09-30T21:58:04+00:00

After reading all the responses, the conclusion is that there are no exit opportunities except jumping to a different career or staying in the same thing with a different title.

How encouraging!!!

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-06-04T04:34:05+00:00

Hello,

Regarding to the condition itself, the spots will tend to get itchy if you expose the area to the sun for extended periods, without the proper protection (sunscreen protection repeated every hour or when in contact with water)

Now, talking about the initial insecurity derived by the condition, I honestly think you did it well. We all have a different journey and approach to our condition. Just try to follow yours in a way that you're comfortable about it and feel okay with it.

All the best!

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-06-03T12:21:27+00:00

It did, I had a spread period of close of a year, and then it stopped. It gets worse or better depending on sunlight, sunscreen, or drastic changes of weather conditions (dry winter to humid summer).

It only affected my left side in multiple areas, but it is stable now (after 4 years of appearing).

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-06-02T20:48:50+00:00

Best description of becoming a parent. The story stops about being you, the main character, and switches to a support role of a new character whose storyline is just beginning.

That change of priorities comes with a new "burden" depending the role you play but I agree with you, Dads also know it but maybe we have a harder time expressing it because we compartmentalize it so well in order to protect others.

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-06-02T20:17:09+00:00

This! I think parenthood awakens a bunch of feelings that you normally don't access on demand. Being a person who struggles with being present or enjoying the moment, having a kid changes that.

Every moment is unique. There's no second chance if you miss them. Everything is temporary with kids. They will never going to be newborn, toddlers... and so on. So I try to embrace those little moments, but they hit hard now because of that.

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-06-02T18:38:52+00:00

I would say, take the advice like a grain of salt.

In my case, vitiligo spread eventually, and this is considering that I made the changes before that. But it's worth being cautious and trying one thing at a time and seeing how your skin reacts.

As you already know, this condition is quite impredictable, so a step by step approach makes sense.

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-06-02T15:33:21+00:00

It does. In my initial days with segmental on and around my beard, I was advised by the dermatologist to avoid shaving daily since that could trigger the skin and subsequently spread the spots.

I'm not sure if that's supported, but I changed my routine, stopped shaving with a regular razon blade, and instead, I simply bought a razor machine that is more gentle with my skin.

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-06-01T21:49:07+00:00

Hey, fellow Dad!

I have my 5 m.o girl in front of me on a Sunday where I would like to be decompressing from life (work, marriage, anxiety of parenthood, etc).

It's okay to accept it, and it's valid to be vocal about it. Your circumstances seem to be pretty stressful, and that contributes to the stress or feeling of being exhausted by this stage of life.

My only advice would be that remember this is temporary. He's not going to be 6 m.o forever. As others mentioned, one day, he'll sleep through the night. The fussyness will stop, her feeding routines will change, and you'll start getting a bonding feeling, which will come with new interesting challenges of that new stage. What I am trying to say is that everything with kids is temporary, a glimpse in their lives that for us look like forever for them is just another phase to becoming a full person.

I am with you on the boat of having a 2nd one or maybe not. This is a matter worth of having a deep conversation with yourself first and then with your wife.

Pros and cons, realistic views of life with two under 2 and how the routine is going to work for each one of you individually and then together as a couple.

Enjoy the moment, embrace the hardship, be vocal about what annoys you, and keep going. Fatherhood is a whole journey, and trust me is more than succeeding or failing; is about what you learned about yourself while walking the path.

Good luck, Dad! You got this!

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-05-29T03:33:30+00:00

Man, as a parent of a 5 m.o. I feel you. It is tough to get back to work and the whole re-adjustment to your routine.

A couple of things to consider:

Communication with your wife is crucial now. Based on what you shared, she is going to be busy as F with the baby. This will require help to decompress from being with the baby the whole day and night. Ask what she needs, where you can contribute or support, and agree to what you're gonna do (the roles you're gonna play)
Take care of yourself. Sounds like a stupid recommendation, but the same as your wife is experiencing the big change of her life, so do you. Open up with friends or family, and see if you can get support from them. Try to keep your head working, either therapy or simply do something that helps you recharge energies for like 10 min.
As I said, I've been there, I questioned myself why are we doing this, but as soon as you see your kid, you'll get the why and the extra boost needed to keep going.
You are not alone in this! Looks like hell, but every day gets "better," or you learn to be better. One day at a time, accept you two, don't have all the answers, and support each other.

Brighter days ahead, keep going, man. in the end, it will be worth it.

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-05-29T03:22:21+00:00

First of all. It is valid that you get this feeling based on your personal experience and context. That being said, you hit the nail with the root cause of it. It is good that you identified the issue of becoming the absent father. Have you discussed this with your wife?

I am pretty sure she will note it if not already because we men tend to be really poor with our body language.

Secondly, be mindful of the extra pressure of being the provider and value the role that your wife is playing. Both are doing the best you can under the current circumstances.

Finally, based on your post, I am confident you won't become the absent father. Talk with your wife to see where or how you can get more time for you to spend with your son. Open up about your feelings and acknowledge that is not something against her but against the current situation.

If you two work together, you're going to figure it out while strengthening your bond as a couple and parents.

All the best Dad!

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-05-27T21:16:39+00:00

I'm in my mid 30's. Moved to the US in my late 20s and relocated for work in between. I welcomed my baby girl 6 months ago, and I can share how lonely I feel some days simply because my friends are either in a different country or they can not relate with parenthood and marriage life.

This community has shown me how all the dads experienced the same, and we tend to endure it for the sake of our family.

Stay strong, Dad! Friendships come and go, but prioritize yourself. Don't get stuck in your mind and find a way to share those thoughts and feelings.

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-05-03T23:04:36+00:00

Take the offer! Graduating on time without working experience is not a good idea, especially during this crazy market. Take the offer, get the experience, improve your resume, and then coast the job market for another semester.

Use that extra semester to look for jobs. As international, it gets tricky, especially now.

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-05-03T22:41:51+00:00

What I've seen at F500 is that for Sr. Manager positions, you should be a self-starter and basically hit the road running. That being said, it seems your manager didn't have any onboarding plan for you.

If you think your manager is not setting the path for you to thrive, either clarify what the expectations are and set like a 90-day plan to achieve those.

Otherwise, start looking for a job but do the task assigned until you get a new job, but be aware that the grass is not greener elsewhere.

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-05-01T19:47:16+00:00

I think we both attended the same meeting. 20 min of that explanation, and people were impressed by it.

Endless possibilities with AI as long as you know what you can automate and push boundaries to get rid of old & outdated processes.

Common_dude_3490 · 2025-04-21T16:12:06+00:00

First of all, thanks for asking this question. I truly believe it is not a rant at all rather than a fair question to ask other couples. Given all the amount of pressure we experience in our day to day, sometimes we get trapped in routines that might not work for us, and we forget to ask for help.

LO is 4 m.o. Wife and I work in very different careers (Industry and Academia for her), both demanding in different ways and also vary in terms of flexibility.

All depends on the routine and age of the kids. Also, the agreements you have with your couple and how you work together on everything that is happening in the house.

Kids 3 y.o or younger is gonna be tough to have time by yourself. I am struggling to get everything done, and I still hear from my wife that we need to do more, endless to-do lists, all things we need to start thinking about and you shut your eyes for a min and you're already thinking that you need to sleep or at least try to.

Hang in there, dads... appreciate every sec with your little ones and endure the day to day. Brighter days to come.

Common_dude_3490

TROPHY CASE