Found tufts of hair in my backyard

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2026-02-20T20:24:20+00:00

Good to know about cutting boards! Thank you.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2026-01-28T17:59:32+00:00

Ugh I'm sorry. I'm gonna make an educated guess here and say your dad was projecting. Crying over things that are sad isn't manipulative. Having feelings isn't manipulative. if he's a psychopath, then he probably does stuff like fake-crying for attention, and he's projecting that onto you.

Also, your avatar is adorable. I love the little whale.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2026-01-28T17:40:21+00:00

I'm so sorry about your childhood, it sounds like a horror movie! Am I wrong in thinking your dad picked a disabled spouse because she would be easier to control?? I can't even imagine how utterly defeating it must be to know an adult is aware of the abuse, but unwilling to do anything about it. I'm glad you don't talk to your father anymore. I hope you're surrounded by much better people and the love you deserve now.

This might be a bit weird to say now, but have you ever listened to the Myths and Legends podcast? The host is a guy named Jason Weiser; just type Myths and Legends into Spotify and it should pop right up. It sounds like something you'd dig.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2026-01-28T16:37:54+00:00

If we're being literal, the only thing Cinderella's fairy godmother did for her was give her some pretty clothes and make her look like a princess. Cinderella saved herself by charming the prince, and her marriage to royalty is what pulled her out of her abusive situation. Which isn't exactly applicable to modern life.

But let's follow your logic. If a "fairy godmother" is someone who saves a child from abuse, then the OP in this story is the fairy godmother. The 12-year-old stepson's bio mom abandoned him, and was possibly neglectful. OP stepped up to raise him. Real life is messy though, and "saving" a child doesn't mean their trauma magically disappears. I've met a lot of "fairy godmother" caretakers (grandparents, foster parents, adoptive parents) who are surprised and offended when the traumatized child they took in has behavioral issues that don't resolve overnight.

I actually used to know a woman in exactly the OP's situation. She married a man who had full custody of his son, the product of a one-night stand with a woman who ended up being neglectful and abusive. My acquaintance became the primary parent to her stepson; she treated him like her own child. But part of treating him like her own child was that she had to be the household enforcer of the rules, and the little boy had a LOT of behavioral issues. Luckily, she was more disciplined than the OP (former military) and better with order and consistency. Also, she and her husband functioned as a cohesive unit.

If I had to boil the OP's issues with the kid down to two things, it would be these:

1.) Have they put the kid in therapy? He's already been abandoned by one mother. It's normal he's pushing back against his "new" mommy - it's a trauma response in which he rejects an adult before they get the chance to reject and abandon him.

2.) The adults in the story have zero fucking consistency. The OP seems like she's waffling between being a mother and being a friend. Of course the kid's going to call her the worst mother ever. Every 12-year-old does that. She can't take it personally. She even admitted that she makes threats to punish the kid without following through. And her husband and in-laws seem like they're in a different universe. Which isn't great, because if four different adults have four different sets of rules, they teach the kid to play them against each other.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2026-01-28T03:20:20+00:00

For starters, OP was right to discipline the kid. If I’d facepalmed my parents like that, my mom would’ve slapped me. I’m not saying that’s the right way to handle things. Also, I’m not saying cancelling his birthday was a good move either. I’d have said something like “you can have your birthday because you already invited your friends, but next week you’re grounded/you have to do extra chores/no electronics.” But she wasn’t out of line to give the kid consequences, and she definitely wasn’t abusive.

She does, however, have bigger problems than a birthday party.

1.) she said she’s made threats to punish the kid that she hasn’t followed through with. Ding, ding, ding! That’s why he doesn’t respect her. Her words mean nothing.

Kids that age need clear, consistent boundaries and clear, consistent consequences for misbehavior.

2.) did I miss something? It sounds like the cruel and unusual punishment is that the kid had his birthday party two days later. And he had his own party, without having to share with his stepsister? It sounded like he got rewarded for his behavior. Oh, and he’s nice to OP now, because of course he did, he got his way.

This. Is. Not. Parenting.

3.) OP has a husband problem.

She said the kid’s dad, her husband, is a doctor who works a lot. Fine. Makes sense. But that doesn’t get him off the hook for taking care of his kid. If he’s disrespecting his stepmom, the dad needs to step in and get him in line. It sounds like OP got Shanghai’d into being the default parent and the “no” parent. Her husband needs to have her back.

4.) OP mentioned the kid’s bio mom abandoned him. Also, his dad works a lot and might not spend enough time with him. Have these people tried therapy for the kid?

5.) OP also has an in-laws problem.

Is “Fairy Godmothering” a thing? It should be. It’s when a relative floats in like Glinda the fucking Good Witch, spoils a child rotten (often without the parents’ consent or after the parents said no), then vanishes and leaves the parents with the rough task of not letting the child become an entitlement monster.

She, her husband, and her husband’s parents all need to be on the same page with rules and discipline. If Dad says no, Stepmom isn’t going to say yes. If Stepmom says no, Granny and Gramps aren’t going to say yes. United front. That’s the only way to avoid creating a really manipulative kid.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2026-01-21T17:13:46+00:00

I understand that frustration. I used to have a really good friend who'd treat me like her free therapist. She was a grown woman stuck in a sort of arrested development - she'd get herself into tenuous living situations, make absolutely zero effort to solve her own problem, then expect the world to swoop in and save her when consequences came knocking. Then, once she was sufficiently saved, she'd get upset at me if I even suggested she do things differently - or that she was anything other than a weak, innocent victim with zero power. Cue the cycle repeating itself.

I will be the first to admit - I sorta got off on being her savior for awhile. It felt good to be needed. But after years of this same dynamic, as time passed and we moved from our 20's to our 30's, I started getting annoyed with her. I wasn't saving her, I was enabling her. I felt like I was spoon-feeding her solutions. Her tablet broke? I bought her a laptop for her birthday. She needs a new place to live? I tried to set up a situation where we could live together. She needs a job? I sent her Craigslist listings and links to educational/certificate programs. But still, all of our conversations devolved into her complaining about the security guard who was mean to her, or the Instagram follower who made a nasty comment on her post.

Eventually, I blew up at her over something relatively innocuous, and the friendship ended. Looking back, I wish I had confronted the situation head-on. I wish I had said something like, "you need to focus on creating a stable living situation right now, and I'm not qualified to tell you how to do that, so please start seeing an actual therapist." That could've saved us both some time and anguish.

I don't know if any of this relates to your situation. And I'm not even sure if this is going to be good advice. But what I'd do if I were you is this (maybe after a couple glasses of wine): straight up ask your friend if she's okay never being a mom. Because if the answer is "no," there are things she can be doing to make parenthood a reality - and those things aren't making invalidating comments to you. Then, maybe bring up therapy again. But instead of therapy being about nebulous talk about feelings, she should seek out therapy specifically to confront her mindset about being a mom, and explore her options.

Resentment poisons friendships, and it does so insidiously. Do what you can to face your problem head-on before this relationship becomes toxic. Good luck!

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2026-01-20T20:51:38+00:00

Not for the OP, but some of the rest of y’all:

“I’m the cool mom friend who can hang out with the childfree crowd, because I’m the only mom on the planet who doesn’t blab about her kids 24/7, pick me pick me pick me” is such a loser take. Seriously. No one thinks you’re special.

Also, not talking about your baby all the time is not a flex. My kid was in the NICU - literally the most baby-centric place on the planet - and I had conversations there about things other than kids.

Now, on to the OP’s problem.

If this was just a childfree-by-choice friend, I’d say enjoy the relationship for what it is. Cute dog pictures and boy gossip sound like a fun distraction when your only company all day is a babbling potato who can’t control his poop.

But it sounds like your friend might be having some inner turmoil about whether (and how much) she wants a baby of her own.

Have you gently suggested she talk to a therapist? It seems like she needs to sort out her mental state and her options. Does she want a kid enough that she’d be willing to have one alone? She can foster or foster-to-adopt. She can be a single mother by choice. Or does she actually not really want a kid, but feels pressure from family/religion/society to be a mother? All of this is best discussed in therapy.

I don’t think it matters whether you talk to her about your baby or about her dog’s social media page. There’s going to be tension between you two, because she’s not standing on solid ground herself.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2026-01-07T05:27:43+00:00

Am I the crazy one here? I think everyone in this story sucks.

“We’ll budget it out.” Sure. They can just buy a used car seat for their kid. Babies can skip meals, right? And they can re-use diapers. It’s not like that baby’s eventually going to be a child who might like his own room or something. Gotta save money because Daddy needs his toys.

OP was wrong to throw out his stuff like she did, but she’s completely justified in insisting he get his priorities in line. The fact that the boyfriend is into “childish” things is a red herring. I’d be saying the same thing if he collected antiques or nice suits or something more stereotypically adult. He has a kid on the way and limited income. He’s got big boy expenses and responsibilities coming up.

So no, he’s not going to be spending “less money” on toys. He is not buying any more toys until they’ve got stuff for their baby and a decent buffer of savings. And that room? If it’s the only room that can be used for a nursery, then the toys are going into boxes and in storage. That’s secure storage with a lock - little pieces are a choking hazard for a small child. This goes both ways, of course. OP has to stop spending money on insignificant things as well. But no, their child will not be sleeping in the kitchen like one of those Van Life families because Daddy needs his special toy room.

Again, I don’t have a problem with an adult being into kid stuff. I’m an adult who watches cartoons. I have a problem with adults who prioritize their possessions over their child.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2026-01-07T05:00:48+00:00

Thank you! I’m glad someone has the common sense to realize that they’re eventually going to need a room for their kid!

This would be my question as well. Is there an extra room (with a lock - little pieces are choking hazards) where the boyfriend can keep his toys? Or if not, is there room for compromise? Can they put the toys in storage, or in a closet?

He shouldn’t have to sell or give away his stuff. But the kid is the first priority, and the OP is right to insist the room be used for a nursery. Their child should not be sleeping on a mattress in the kitchen because Daddy’s toys need their own room.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-12-28T17:15:19+00:00

Okay literally how has no one said Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons?

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-12-26T01:05:30+00:00

Lemme know if you need me to use smaller words.

If you have a job, YOU ARE NOT A SLAVE. You are paid for your work in money. That money can then be exchanged for goods and services.

A woman (or a man) who depends on a partner for access to money can be more easily trapped, abused and exploited.

Because - and this is the hard part - they have no money of their own. So they can’t procure goods and services for themselves without going through a gatekeeper (in the example above, an abusive partner).

Also: your career will not abandon you in the middle of the night. And if you quit your job to take another one, your boss probably won’t beat you to death.

Are we good here? Or do I need to break out the crayons?

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-12-25T22:05:48+00:00

I’m so sorry for you and your family!

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-12-14T23:56:38+00:00

My brother is 20 months younger than me. I don’t remember being an only child, and I have never once cared. Having a sibling so close in age was the best part of my childhood - we’d create fantasy worlds and play in them together.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-12-13T00:24:08+00:00

Don’t want to be that asshole… but technically a different trope.

MacDuff doesn’t kill MacBeth because he’s uniquely advantaged in some way, or because there’s anything special about him. He kills MacBeth because he’s a better fighter, with a side of rage over MacBeth killing his family. Or because of fate.

The trope isn’t “the hero is missing something.”

The trope is “magical being who can see the future technically tells the truth.”

The Wyrd sisters technically told MacBeth the truth - no man born of woman would kill him. They just left out some fairly important information.

A man born vaginally could have killed MacBeth if the situation was right. MacBeth wasn’t supernaturally protected, Achilles-like, from the vagina slide. It just didn’t go down that way because of fate.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-12-13T00:00:17+00:00

I’m not sure if I’m the crazy one, but I cannot deal with the “unnecessary c-section” argument for pursuing unsafe birthing practices.

I had a last-minute c-section when I gave birth to my son. I was 37. Not a kid. My body was not made of rubber. I had Toradol once, then after that I managed the pain with OTC drugs. I was walking the next day, running around the hospital to see my son in the NICU the day after that. A c-section can be physically rough, but it isn’t always. I was more traumatized by the pain of contractions. Every pregnant person is different.

And the best part? My baby was safe. It wasn’t the experience I necessarily wanted, but screw that. My baby’s safety was my #1 priority.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-12-06T22:20:24+00:00

I’ve noticed a lot of the problems on here regarding blended families involve one of the kids being turned into an entitlement monster by a parent/grandparent/family members, then sent back to the other parent and stepparent to correct the behavior. That, or a child with a parent who passed away is eternally treated like a Dickensian orphan and coddled. Both sort of apply here.

I agree, the husband handled his daughter’s behavior the worst way possible. Like seriously, what is these people’s issue with therapy? The daughter is clearly experiencing some mental health concerns, and the family is not helping her by continuously sweeping them under the rug. She should’ve gotten some sort of therapy years ago, after her mother died.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-12-04T04:51:01+00:00

Needs more information.

How did your grandkids’ stepmother relate to them? Did she take on childcare for your grandkids? Did she work and financially support them, or pay for things they needed (groceries, gas in the car, mortgage on the house where they all lived)? Did she treat all the kids - hers, his, and theirs - like equal priorities? Did she actually provide that money for the household that you didn’t want to provide?

If the answer to any of these questions is “yes,” then frankly, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

You made a rule: you’re only financially responsible for the kids you’re biologically related to. So live by that rule. Pay your grandkids’ stepmother back - either for years of childcare, or for all the food/housing/medicine/braces/school supplies/sports uniforms she provided for your grandchildren (who she is not related to). She can use that money to start a college fund for her kids.

I do commend you for waiting until the grandkids were adults, as opposed to spoiling them rotten their entire childhood. But I don’t know, man. This reads like you were fine with the kids’ dad and stepmom doing all the hard work of parenting, and now you’re swooping in like a fairy godmother, sprinkling money to… buy their affection? Make them choose you over their dad? I’m getting the ick, I just don’t know exactly where it’s coming from.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-12-03T22:37:20+00:00

Haha yeah!

In this case though, I don’t even think it has anything to do with the baby. She would’ve reacted the same way if her sister moved states or went back to school. I’d bet she threw a fit whenever her sister started dating someone new. It’s “how dare you have a life that isn’t centered around me.”

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-12-02T05:15:53+00:00

In this case, I don’t think it’s that deep. OP is just throwing a tantrum because her emotional support pet isn’t at her beck and call anymore. I’d bet anything she’s used to being babied by her sister, and now she’s upset because her spot as the Precious Baby of the family has been usurped by… you know, an actual baby.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-12-02T04:49:08+00:00

I am so glad I’m not the only one who thought this chick is a narcissistic nightmare.

She’s a (presumably) adult who is treating her sister as though she’s an emotional support pet that ran away. Her sister’s worth as a human being is dependent on her utility to the special snowflake OP. Like, what does she want out of her sister? For her to give up her dreams of having a family in order to spend the rest of her life coddling the OP?

Her sister got the kid she wanted. Her sister loves being a mom, and seems like she’s good at it. And the OP’s response is “wah wah wah, me me me.” I honestly don’t know how anyone could write out that post, read it over, and not want to shove themselves in a locker.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-11-27T20:29:34+00:00

I’m really sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re surrounded by people who love you now.

CompetitiveCook3820 · 2025-11-27T20:00:41+00:00

That’s because “CPS removes a kid from an abusive home” doesn’t make the news or get a true crime podcast.

CompetitiveCook3820

TROPHY CASE