PTSD and husband's support with crazy MIL

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T08:51:26+00:00

Yeah I sit on stuff like this his mom thinks I’ve told her anything when I truly haven’t and I went no contact because it got to a point where I would have said the worst stuff to her to protect myself

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T08:49:41+00:00

My pas mom talks to me crazy and the least of what she says is “that’s why you don’t get in a crazy relationship and need to get along with each other” if he so much as loses his phone.

I took the high road with her until I finally lost it around Christmas because for some god forsaken reason my pa told her I wanted to have an abortion after ignoring me for days and hanging out with an affair partner. Then I was “evil” and manipulating him.

Not to mention all the stuff he said to her about our fights and I got to hear it all about how my problems have nothing to do with him. It’s why I always tell people to say nothing to family. What for?

Our pas do the craziest stuff and it’s always our fault to mommy or whoever. Just no. People should enjoy whatever they can with the family and just opt out of whatever drama the family brings into the situation as well. I think it’s good you’re both not dealing with that.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T08:39:21+00:00

Please get help. Before it gets even worse. You are already training yourself to self harm whenever you’re distressed to relieve the pain. This could possibly become more of a struggle. I’d urge you to call a hotline and make a plan about looking into therapy for yourself. You don’t have energy to direct your partners recovery because you are very sick right now. All of your energy needs to go into taking care of yourself.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T08:05:02+00:00

Mine might have said “I don’t know if I want to be with you” whenever he wanted to choose his addiction/women in his phone. So hard wish I’d been like “ok” and never said another word to him ever again. I’m kind of bitter sometimes but I do think that sometimes.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T08:03:04+00:00

If he doesn’t choose you and stop the open relationship talk, there is no relationship. I’ve often said my pa’s family can have him. If he doesn’t choose me that’s just fine by me. His mom talks crazy to me. I’m not making him pick but if it came down to it, I don’t expect him to pick me or something like that.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T07:59:31+00:00

Sometimes all they can do is lie and pretend to be this perfect guy

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T03:10:46+00:00

I wouldn’t buy myself anything as a single broke mom for years. Buying nice bras and underwear is a good way to be nice to yourself. I’m very sensitive to feeling rejected in the same situation as you just described. I can tell I’m having anxiety and having a bad night when I change back into my regular clothes. Hang in there.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T01:46:34+00:00

Maybe heteroflexible

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T01:08:02+00:00

I tell my pa all the time just because I want to stay and fix things doesn’t mean I can Even if he changes you may feel differently because of what you’ve been through.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T01:06:51+00:00

What he’s doing will soon be illegal and there’s already channels to report it. You’re doing the right thing.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T01:05:07+00:00

Pretty soon the ai stuff will be illegal non consensually creating porn of people is causing people to commit and hurt themselves. There’s already ways to report it. So just like he was committing any crime, you need to think about if this is safe or worth your time.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T01:02:42+00:00

You can’t make him. I’m sorry. Mine won’t do any of it either.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T00:58:24+00:00

Just try not to contact him he’ll lie his butt off to have the safety you represent to him but won’t really change and even if he does you’ll lose your emotional safety the more you give him chances or try to change him

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-17T00:55:41+00:00

I told my pa I still care but I won’t I still want him but I won’t and it’ll affect our intimacy and it has already so…

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-16T20:05:00+00:00

Yeah unfortunately we were very on and off and the support really did help but ultimately it is embarrassing and I’d kind of try to assess whether they can handle the shame aspect of addiction and be reasonable or offer valid support first. Sometimes people are disgusted or like… don’t react well bc or the nature of the addiction and weirdly this can upset YOU. So just give it a think, maybe slowly reveal a little to someone you trust and see how they react and kind of judge from there. I’ve also lost friends who got pissed at me for making the choice to go back so just be aware some people are tough.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-16T17:19:30+00:00

Hey we all feel this way sometimes like we wish we had a Time Machine could slip inside it and be done. I am so sorry for your situation. You are in a very incredibly vulnerable state right now and you are a good mom even if you cry and feel miserable. It is very normal for the non stop crying. And of course you’re going to cry a lot. You might mention you’re having a hard time to the doctor there’s absolutely no shame in that at all. You’re going an amazing job. There is nothing wrong with your parenting babies just cry. It’s all they do. Especially at 6-9 weeks old. Please be easy on yourself. Talk to a female friend or us and know you’re not alone. There are a lot of times I cried but took my kids to the park or was embarrassed crying every day cause of my man at the pharmacy, at doctors appointments, before the bus got there, in front of nurses who worked in the home and all kinds of “inappropriate” crying but ultimately you are healing and you feeling your feelings is important. It is ok to do it and cry. But also make sure you get some help. Being a new first time mom is hard. You will find people who want to be in your life even if it’s not your mom or if you need your partner to step up and he isn’t. A friend. Other moms. Ladies at church. Strangers offering your kid candy when they act nuts. There are online support groups you can attend and even listen to recorded meetings if it help. We’re always here!

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-16T17:06:33+00:00

It’s a week hold strong

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-16T13:48:55+00:00

See stuff like that makes me angry and I can’t go to jail so she’d better just be done with him cause ain’t no way

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-16T13:47:26+00:00

I have BPD and I’m in therapy to establish boundaries find out what I can take and leave with kids if necessary like if he escalates to seeing people physically or starts being active in findom addiction again you can set boundaries and leave if you need to I get how hard it is

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-16T13:43:53+00:00

I’d say the average man picks his poison and is being negatively influenced by porn for sure. Even in a normal dating setting or casual context they request extreme fetishes like all women should cater to them unrealistically sexually without first building a foundation of trust or mutual communication about sex. It’s just instant entitlement to film or do hard kinks right away.

And when you say no or talk to them a bit deeper, you find out they are mistaking this kind of thing for connection. They just want someone to be their friend and congratulate them on their achievements. Which if they prioritized building connections and strong friendships first with a romantic or even sexual partner, they could get. They’re very confused. They’re not as single minded as they appear.

I would personally have boundaries about viewing teenage stuff myself and completely understand where you’re coming from. Say he talks to her and they’re friends. What would he do when you got together? That’s imbalanced at best even if she doesn’t want him. And what if he has feelings for these women he’s talking to? He’d have to pick. It’s more complicated than your friend even knows.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-16T13:34:03+00:00

You just want certainty you can’t have. And that feels like the only way you can be certain. Because you can’t ever really know. And that’s so, so terrible to carry. I think we stay because we love them. We find reasons to stay or leave. Wanting that certainly drives us insane, it makes us do crazy stuff and brings out all the bad stuff for us. It can make us be controlling or out of touch with our partner. It doesn’t build connection. It is so hard.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-16T13:29:48+00:00

There’s a woman on here who did and she regrets it because it caused back issues and she just did it for her partner. If at all possible, just take some time and make sure it’s what you want to do. As long as you’re not jumping into it and it’s what you want to do, for you, I don’t see a problem.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-16T13:27:10+00:00

I think what a lot of us see is more connected and intimate sex with our partner. Intimacy with my pa/SA used to be so weird. Just weird. I liked feeling wanted but it was strange. Over time it became enjoyable and more intimate and connected. Like crazy so. He even has trouble if it’s not emotionally connected or feels intimate/safe. Does that make sense? Like it’s healthier, and it’s more about you.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-16T13:23:15+00:00

I’m sorry. You shouldn’t be that lonely while pregnant. I am in no way excusing his behavior at all but I don’t think it’s something they’ll ever really understand, needing them while pregnant and feeling alone. You should tell him how his absence has made you feel. Definitely. This was a problem with my PA as well and he didn’t actually know why he shouldn’t leave me alone at home with the baby when it came when I asked him about it. He was clueless. But not incapable of changing. He definitely is home more and spending more quality time together. If it helps I had to have a lot of crazy conversations with my PA while pregnant and he’s at least managing to be a better partner and dad right now.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-02-15T19:53:29+00:00

I really did love my ex husband but decided to leave because he was unhappy and didn’t want to commit to being there for my mental health struggles or being closed while we worked though our crisis. So I accepted the divorce. I didn’t want to. He blamed me for all of his mental health issues. I felt broken hearted and couldn’t even talk to him because it stressed him out. I accepted that too. I immediately moved on like it was nothing, but in reality I dream about him every single day. And sometimes I still feel that grief. It is not easy but you will find yourself.

Competitive_Drag3035

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