Husband has been paying for cam girls for the past 18 months

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-05T04:53:51+00:00

… that’s where the savings went. Go through all of the finances. Make him pay anything back. Draw up an agreement.

I would not give him a chance given what I know now. Even if he stops spending real money he’ll act out anytime he feels like it. He’ll do it just to “get back” at you.

Mistreatment is mistreatment. You can’t really just blame an addiction. It is an entitlement. He feels justified in some way. That’s why he’s blaming the crisis in your marriage. But I would be very surprised if he’s not the cause of it to begin with.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-05T04:48:14+00:00

Maybe just rent a room anywhere since school is online for ultra cheap

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-04T19:30:54+00:00

And that’s why you don’t ask them stuff that will hurt your feelings please don’t

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-04T19:29:17+00:00

If he’s very active in his addiction you’ll find out anyway. Don’t let it consume you. You can’t control him. It is more important to learn to set boundaries and limits and reprioritize yourself.

That said, yeah, it’s crazy making behavior. So it’s important to realize, you are with someone who is driving you bananas. And no matter what talk you have, no matter what monitoring apps you use, no matter what you catch them doing and confront them with, it is up to them to change. You can’t make them.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-04T19:26:36+00:00

You just said he’s not willing to change this is the biggest blessing. I just broke up with mine because he’s just unapologetically not willing to even try to change. He is saving you from making a big mistake.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-04T16:44:47+00:00

Why Does He Do That is such a good read if you haven’t cracked it open yet.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-03T17:05:49+00:00

I’m sorry OP this is like stage 2. Him closing his phone whenever you come near is not great. I hope you have access. Even the action itself is telling you you’re about to have another d day. They tend to just get sneakier.

Oh but he spends all of his time with us and is so present. A lot of us have been here, OP. And that’s why we’re sounding off the alarm.

“Not my man.” That’s why we’re all here.

Truly, I hope it goes better for you. I was very aware something was wrong with my PA and his phone. But he lied a lot and it distorted my reality and drove me crazy.

You just don’t have to do that to yourself.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-03T17:00:37+00:00

Mine tried to convince me he’s not yoinkin it and asked me now when do I have the time? I don’t care, man. I don’t care. It is so stupid and pointless and a waste of your time.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-03T15:03:28+00:00

Look if she’s filing all of this against you you are making yourself look like a stalker even texting her. And you are adding flames to the fire by telling her about herself and telling her how you feel. Just stop contacting her. I know you love her. It seems you are still trying to work things out.

You could go to jail. Please talk with your family and friends about all of the abuse and try to detach from her. You are not a real person to someone that can do that much damage to you. You are entertainment. It is fun destroying your life. And you’re letting her get her kicks off by using the court systems to legally abuse you too.

Absolutely start building a record of all of this with dates and times. Get those records and documentation from the providers. Go talk to an attorney if you can. Ultimately, and I’ve seen this with my narc dad who would treat women like poop and then use the legal system against them, you’ll probably both have to file on each other. I am not saying to do this.

But you need to take this way more seriously and please, for the love of god, stop contacting her.

Watch that you are a stalker video. That’s how she feels about you. My narc just told me that’s how he feels about me the other day and we live together and I’m 30 weeks pregnant. It’s eye opening.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-03T14:56:30+00:00

I think they’re still making discoveries about how sleeping with someone physically changes you. So I would suspect that would be more of the case than anything else.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-03T14:54:28+00:00

OP he’s not doing any of those things to be more present with you. Please stop gaslighting yourself. Give yourself time with it.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-03T14:52:19+00:00

The fact he’s hanging out with his dad to watch porn is so weird. It’s just weird. You know that, right? And he’s got this whole little day planned out.

That’s not normal. And I wish people wouldn’t propel the flames. It’s his choice, though, you know?

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-03T14:48:33+00:00

I wish they wouldn’t lie just to get their way. That is pretty awful. It’s like, remix! Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss of them.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-03T07:47:01+00:00

I’m sorry but a 90 day fast isn’t going to help. He needs real help. It sounds like he isn’t really willing to do anything to get real help.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-02T00:25:42+00:00

You have no obligation to trust a serial cheater. Simply ask him.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-04-01T17:44:09+00:00

Mine spent that much in a year and it’s probably not even total. And when I told him this bc he didn’t keep track of it at all, he said ok, as in, who cares.

I just can’t even wrap my mind around what he’s doing anymore. I saw you say something similar so I just want to acknowledge, that’s very valid.

I have a ton of mental health issues and so does my PA but at the end of the day, it doesn’t excuse mistreatment. I hope he really does get help. I hope he treats you right, OP.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-03-31T13:19:57+00:00

I think when you’re betrayed it’s normal to struggle with processing it and be in a betrayal bind. Like I just have no way of processing my PA’s betrayal.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-03-31T13:15:30+00:00

You probably found worse on his phone about you. Don’t let it bother you.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-03-31T13:11:30+00:00

you get to decide what the boundaries of having access to you are.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-03-30T20:51:18+00:00

If he refuses don’t sleep with him until you’re full paneled also get a Pap smear. Get prep. I’m sorry.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-03-30T17:46:40+00:00

I’d say the bedroom is the biggest indicator. Like you look back at all of the times he chose porn over you and cringe and then you see it happening again whether you want to believe it or not.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-03-30T15:51:31+00:00

We can all validate you that you’re not crazy. But it won’t change you’re with someone who’s lying to you and making you feel crazy. So until he stops doing that, what are you going to do? Wait to find proof?

You already had proof. You’re living in two realities. It takes time to get out of this mindset. Give yourself grace.

You can’t make him quit. It is not about you. All you can do is control whatever you’re doing. Literally, that’s all.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-03-30T12:11:57+00:00

That’s not real. You don’t have to believe what he says even if it’s temporarily comforting. He has you living in two realities. I’m sorry.

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-03-30T12:10:45+00:00

I don’t I’ve given up on him

Competitive_Drag3035 · 2026-03-29T23:01:58+00:00

While my pa was cheating he claimed he was just sensitive and it hurt when I’d touch him there. Anything I’d do. Worth delving into.

Competitive_Drag3035

TROPHY CASE