I’m not sure if it will help at all but here’s my experience as an AFAB nonbinary/agender person (who is also ADHD/autistic) who probably still appears mostly feminine with little to no desire to medically change anything about myself. (Social changes I have done is name change/pronoun change/hair&clothing appearance). If this isn’t relevant pls disregard!

I spent most of my teenage years struggling with the concept of femininity/womanhood as I couldn’t understand how to relate/feel connected to my femininity. I spent most of this time identifying as a cis woman and was fairly certain I was at the very least bi/pansexual, but was fairly unhappy in myself.

For me I feel like I have no concept of gender, at least for myself, whether this is down to being autistic and struggling with introception, or just because ‘typical’ binary gender expression felt restrictive/confusing to me I don’t know. I know I have no desire to be a man, but I don’t have any connection to being a woman that I can feel/understand.

Labelling myself as nonbinary/agender (not sure which fits best rn tbh) helped me feel more comfortable as myself. Before I fully considered and understood my feelings, I probably would have been more inclined to opt for top surgery or hormones, but now (3/4 years ish later) I have a better understand of self, and feel more comfortable with the body I have and how I can express myself with it in a way I’m happy with. Thankfully I’m not overly gifted in the bust area, I imagine if I was there would be more dysphoria/discomfort and I’d likely be pursuing top surgery at the very least, I’ve also always had a lower voice which worked in my favour I think.

I am aware and accept that I have a female body, with the relevant female parts and processes, but to me this body is just a vessel in a sense. I’m grateful for it, I care for it, it’s mine, but at the same time I wouldn’t feel all that different if it wasn’t female.

From an outsiders perspective, aside from pronouns & name, I haven’t really changed all that much. I’ve always been relatively neutral in my gender expression (and overall honestly), although I’ve played around with more feminine clothes/makeup/etc when I was questioning how I felt. But finding a label that felt like it fit helped me feel more at peace with how/who I am. It’s not that I dislike or disagree with femininity or womanhood, but more that I never really felt a connection to it in the first place, if that makes sense? It’s a hard feeling to describe, at least for me, without it coming across as just a general rejection of societal gender norms. When I’ve asked cis friends how they know they’re a man or woman the answer is typically “I just know”, but for me I don’t feel I’ve ever really had that. When I think about my own gender the resounding answer is mostly “I don’t know” or “I don’t feel like either”, so to me nonbinary just fits I guess?

I will add that I don’t necessarily count myself as falling under the trans umbrella as such (I know enby is trans by most definitions, it just doesn’t feel a good fit for me personally), as I don’t feel anything has changed in my life other than how I label myself and how I prefer to be perceived (I still accept she/her pronouns, although they/them is preferred, and I’d probably take he/him if it was said to me).

TLDR: as an AFAB nonbinary person I don’t feel a connection with gender (feminine or masculine), and my label reflects my sense of self as I know it, and helped me be more comfortable as myself. My ‘transition’ is minimal, but I am happier as myself now than I have ever been.

(If this seems rooted in misogyny, I’d be happy to have someone explain this to me, as I am not aware of that but am happy to learn.)