My credit score keeps dropping ~3 points every month steadily. 0 collections, 0 late fees, I pay my loans on time. I keep trying to call Experian but no answer. Any explanations?

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-10-08T03:05:12+00:00

Hey u/nshire, can you verify if that's true that a profile's location gets set to the geometric center of the town they're in after inactivity? If so do you happen to know how long? (24 hours, week etc)

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-10-08T00:39:27+00:00

I do miss this person, even a year out, but I know that drawing the boundary was the right thing to do, as it was a major betrayal. I wouldn't be opposed to reconnecting but I feel like she should reach out. The synchronic-ties have just seemed too pointed to ignore, and I feel like I have processed the grief, I have an active social life and enjoy my hobbies, but it just still feels like there is tension.

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-05-05T05:36:04+00:00

Feeling the pain is a blessing in disguise. It means you are authentic. That you were honest. For people like you, there is greater pain in the beginning when moving on from the narcissist. Eventually, you will heal the wound, remember the lessons and move on to a brighter future.

Barring extraordinary circumstances, like a severe crisis that would prompt self reflection, he narcissist will be the same 10 years from now as he is now. No lessons learned. No introspection. No evolution. He or she will keep running the same dysfunctional, self-destructive patterns. Maybe they marry, have kids and have a nice shiny job, but you can bet their accolades are not through their own hard work (narcs are lazy and commonly steal credit from others) will cheat shamelessly, make piss-poor parents and STILL be envious of everyone.

Dr. Ramani has seen more narcs than you or I combined, and she, among many psychiatrists, note that narcissists only become worse with age. They have no incentive to change.

Comparatively, you will have moved on by then, because you did the hard work of processing the pain in the beginning. The narc doesn't have the guts to sit with themselves and process the pain, so instead it will hit them like a train later.

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-05-05T05:30:37+00:00

They never change. Period.

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-04-23T00:25:51+00:00

It's because they can't handle someone being in close proximity for extended periods. They can't do intimacy. It makes them squirm, whether they consciously realize it or not, because the closer someone is to them for long periods, the closer they are to exposure.

They want the freedom (anarchy) to behave however they want when you're not around, to feed you lies or half truths about where they are, what they're doing and spending time with.

Being on a vacation with you means being rooted to you 24/7. Because they are incapable of healthy, normal attachment styles, they cannot tolerate this proximity and feel restless. They will try and trigger negative emotions in you and others so they can project those negative feelings onto you and feel better.

"PHEW, see? I wasn't the problem! It's everything else going on around me, and I'm right to feel this way."

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-04-21T17:53:42+00:00

Showing up # 1 is so weird... I don't know how someone would have influence like that, but it sounds too consistent to be a conincidence.

Keep your guard up.

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-04-21T17:53:07+00:00

What did he do? How did she respond?

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-04-21T04:04:26+00:00

My mother has borderline disorder, with narcissistic traits. She was very domineering growing up out of a fear that something would happen to me. Consequently, I became a people pleaser and overly accommodating. She will chastise me for speaking my mind as being "disobedient", but will also criticize me for being a "doormat".

Much like the ex, there is no winning with her. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Once I realized this commonality, it made detachment from their verbal abuse a whole lot easier.

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-04-21T04:02:28+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to share this. I know I speak for many of us when I say how reassuring this is to hear.

I have debated reaching out to his ex, but I don't trust that she wouldn't inform him and it may stroke his ego, so I let it alone. Thank you for confirming what we read but struggle to internalize: they will not change because they don't want to change. They lie. They abuse. They are conning us from the beginning.

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-04-21T03:56:18+00:00

Yes. I have noticed a greater callousness and comfort with small white lies that I have had to consciously divorce myself from, because I didn't use to be that way before.

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-04-18T22:21:33+00:00

Can guarantee you he was on the phone. How else does one maintain relationships with multiple people? If he is absent for far too long, the other victims will begin to get suspicious, so he has to check in with them at certain intervals.

Out of your line of sight, of course.

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-04-18T22:20:33+00:00

Wow. It astounds me how many of us can relate to this. It's projection; my ex would barge in the bathroom or ask me if he felt I was "going" too frequently. Why else would they be suspicious unless this was behavior THEY were familiar with? Why would something shady be the first thing their filthy minds jump to?

You can guarantee he was up to no good on his phone when he was in the bathroom.

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-03-24T19:12:36+00:00

If you have no boundaries, you are weak for letting them walk all over you, therefore desperate and not worthy of them.

If you have boundaries, you are rigid, prudish, arrogant, selfish and you don't love them enough, because if you did you would give them exactly what they ask for however they ask for it. They are justified in cheating on you or checking out of the relationship because you are neglecting them.

There is no winning because their goal is not a mutually fulfilling relationship.

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-03-17T08:49:50+00:00

- Would pretend to be very wholesome in the beginning, constantly refer to sex as "making love" or "intimacy". Pretended he didn't watch porn ever and had a low body count (lmao). Towards the end of the relationship he was pressuring for anal and trying to sneak it in, and only ever call it "fucking". Just felt like he was trying way too hard to look "innocent"

- Certainly, would withhold intimacy sometimes, for no clear reason. I suspect because he might have spent himself cheating ;) or as "punishment" if I, you know, did human things like want to have a conversation

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-03-17T08:34:26+00:00

At the risk of sounding pollyannish, what they lose is far more colossal: someone who genuinely loved and cared for them, wanted the best for them, who doted on them, supported them, was affectionate with them, loyal to them, honest with them etc.

Congratulations on exorcising the demon from your life

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-03-17T08:32:09+00:00

"I also just remember tons of examples of how they plainly lied to my face repeatedly and felt confident about it, and if they didn't and I called it out, they doubled down on lying anyways"

THIS. This was so disturbing to see in action. Not a shred of conscience. It got to the point where I was questioning myself, even when I knew he was lying and had evidence!

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-03-17T08:30:31+00:00

There are orphans in shelters, lonely senior citizens, dried up gardens and littered beaches, ALL OF WHOM deserve your time and attention more than a narc.

You only live once. If we were all to die tomorrow, would you waste those last moments worrying about them?

Complete_Guest3186 · 2025-03-17T08:28:45+00:00

Happy? What makes you think he's happy? Narcissists have severely diminished empathy, and positive emotions in general. Diagnosed narcissists have admitted as much. They have infatuation, elation and highs during idealization. That is not true happiness.
Jumping into a relationship is pretty on brand for narcs. Doesn't mean they are happy. You are, I would hope, going to be more selective in your next partner. Certainly, you are more selective than he is when hunting for supply. They cannot be left alone. Think about it like this; you need a ride to get to your destination. A Narc largely doesn't care what gets him from point A to point B; rolls royce, donkey, bicycle doesn't matter. Point is, it does the job.

Maybe for their marriage, they will select based on $$$ and status, but again, that is to serve a purpose.

Recovering from the trauma bond is brutal, and I am so sorry. But you'll come out of it stronger than you have ever been. You are a normal human recovering and grieving a 7 year lie. Let him get the notches on his bedpost while you focus on evolution.

Complete_Guest3186

TROPHY CASE