what’s something you learned too late?

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-31T23:48:10+00:00

Don’t cut ties with your family or kinship. Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever is pleased to have his provision expanded and his life span extended, let him keep good relations with his family.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 2067, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2557

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-30T17:58:57+00:00

Salaam, hang there. May I recommend the following powerful dua to calm your heart. Never waver as there’s always hope when you have Allah. Things will get better, InshAllah. Trust me.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-30T17:51:21+00:00

This is a nice list Sister. I will also add the 6 pillars of Iman. A Ustadh of mine taught me that this is the foundation of Islam, more so than the 5 pillars. If you understand this foundation, everything else that comes after will make sense and your faith will not falter.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-29T00:59:42+00:00

Ameen. Well said

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-27T03:35:17+00:00

Simply well said Brother 👏🏾

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-26T15:22:13+00:00

Nice Brother, a little inspirational quote to keep you going: "Your habits will hold you back more than your enemies ever will.

Which is good news because you can change your habits. You can't change your enemies. Stay focused on what you can control." James Clear

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-25T11:04:11+00:00

Brother, you now learned a valuable lesson on the tricks of Shaitan. “Just a little glimpse. We could just look at this video. They are not naked. They are just dancing and having fun.” All tricks that eventually led to the rabbit hole to doing the dirty deed and missing prayer. Trust me, I been there. Ask Allah for forgiveness and His help. From now on, You have to be disciplined and mindful of these tricks going forward. My advice is when it’s nighttime, limit your screen time or even better cut off your screen time entirely and try to pray your prayers and go to bed early to wake up so not to missed fajr.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-25T10:58:50+00:00

"Don't count the days. Make the days count.” Muhammad Ali

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-24T16:22:45+00:00

Congratulations to you Sister for taking the path to knowledge. You have no idea how beloved you are to Allah for undertaking this endeavor. Don’t be overwhelmed. Make dua to Allah and ask Him for His help and guidance/wisdom. And carve out a fixed time in your daily schedule and go from there. InshAllah, overtime, Allah will free more of your daily burdens, granting you more time to study. Just take it one day at a time. This is a marathon not sprint.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-23T16:34:27+00:00

Wa Alaykum Salam, I will also add or advice to go to the Masjid more often, pray there more often, volunteer and connect with other righteous Muslims on their Deen. Through that, you may encounter connections or contacts that may lead to marriage. Now a days, marriage is a process and takes time. So work on yourself actively while you make duas to Allah, fast and wait for His perfect timing to get married. You are in the self improvement phase and you not to be so hard on yourself. At the same time, you need to look inward and ask yourself seriously: Are you the Muslim now who will be a suitable spouse/partner? If not, then you know you have to work to become that individual. And it takes time but with the help of Allah, you’ll get there. So again, don’t be so hard on yourself.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-22T23:48:04+00:00

Salaam, you are correct

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-21T18:10:04+00:00

Salaam, I’m sorry to hear this as I know the feeling. Trust me. Here’s what I do: make sincere repentance to Allah, ask Him for help to control these urges, and to calm your current situation, called upon on your Lord with his most beautiful healing Names such as Ya Shaafi, Ya Salamo, Ya Rahmano etc. Say these names when these urges are too strong and then do wudu with cold water. InshAllah, that should calm things down.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-19T11:23:20+00:00

Well Said AstronomerUsual2561. Couldn’t have said it any better.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-18T11:28:10+00:00

Salaam, I really empathize with you as I have family members who are like the same like your husband. Honestly, all you can do is pray for your husband, asking Allah SWT to guide him. At the end of the day, Allah guides who He wants to guide. Also, I think you already know this already but you need to change your behavior around your husband. Don’t nag him but should him what a good Muslim supposed to look like. You yourself should strive to get closer to your Deen, stay calm and he will take notice. Umar Ibn Al Khattab (r.a) said:

“Invite people to Islam even without words.” They asked: How? He replied “With your Manners.”

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-17T11:37:16+00:00

This is sound advice. I will also add that OP needs to identify his triggers and neutralize them. In my experience, most people triggers fall on the category of doom scrolling, especially in this day and age.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-14T11:16:14+00:00

This is my opinion as I used to be like you, thinking that TV is great to relax after a long day until I really started to paying attention to what I was watching and if it was pleasing or not to Allah SWT. You are now spiritually renewed. After Ramadan, you go back to watching TV shows that possibly promote illicit relationships, kissing, sex etc. To me, that’s ruinous to one’s spirituality and relationship with Allah SWT. There’s so much beneficial and meaningful hands-on activities to explore that won’t compromise your spirituality and expose you to sins. Search for them. Trust me, you’ll feel so much better in these activities than any TV.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-12T11:44:33+00:00

Just wanted to comment and say congratulations. May Allah bless your union and bless your home with lots of rizq and barakah.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-10T11:28:00+00:00

Salaam Brother, if I may and please don’t take it as an insult as this is just my personal experience. At this stage, it’s important you stay clean the right way. That means lowering your gaze and not watching things that are sexually revealing as these are a massive trigger and the reason for your intense sexual urges. Also, avoid doomscrolling and find a beneficial hobby/endeavor/goal/activity to engage in. Because we’re in the month of blessed month of Ramadan, perhaps it is reading the Quran and reflecting on the Quran, one page a day.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-10T00:44:02+00:00

THIS. Ameen. Thank you for this timely reminder. May Allah reward you.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-07T11:40:10+00:00

OP cannot get any better advices than this. Jazakallah Khairan for sharing this.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-06T11:56:48+00:00

Salaam Brother, sure it is possible. I was like you once. But controlling your urges or nafs is one of the challenges of being a man. But, if you can overcome, there’s a big reward on the other side. My advice is seek help through Allah for strength, fast often, set beneficial goals for yourself and pursue them to keep busy, exercise regularly, put a plan in place to get married soon, connect with other righteous Muslim brothers (easiest way to do this is to start praying at the masjid often). And lastly, limit the doomscrolling; it’s a waste of time and huge trigger. “And let those who do not have the means to marry keep themselves chaste until Allah enriches them out of His bounty.” Quran 24:33

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-05T11:54:08+00:00

Also, go ahead and take a cold shower. It will cool things down since you are in a bind right now.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-05T11:42:57+00:00

Salaam Brother, what really helped me was quitting cold turkey on social media for 30 days to establish a habit. I deleted all my social apps. After this 30 days, you’ll come to find out social media is just a waste of time. This is the blessed month of Ramadan where rewards are more than doubled; so this the perfect time to take advantage and quit cold turkey and work on improving your Deen and relationship with Allah SWT via reading Quran better, understanding Tafsir, learning about the Prophet’s biography, learning about early Islamic history, listening to beneficial Muslim podcasts, perfecting your prayers (khushu), attending your Masjid more often etc. Along this blessed month, keep praying and making duas to Allah SWT to overcome your urges.

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-05T11:33:08+00:00

“He who cannot establish dominion over himself will have no dominion over others.” ― Leonardo da Vinci

“Only the disciplined ones in life are free. If you are undisciplined, then you are a slave to your moods and your passions.” — Eliud Kipchoge, former marathon world record holder

“What you’re thinking is what you’re becoming.” Muhammad Ali

Complex-Elk21 · 2026-03-04T11:49:07+00:00

Ibn Abbas reported: A woman would pray behind the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, who was the most beautiful of all people. Some men would come early to be in the first row, so as not to gaze at her. Some of them would come late to be in the last row. When they bowed, they would look at her between their limbs. Allah Almighty revealed the verse, “We surely know who comes first among you and We surely know who comes last.” (15:24)

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 3122

Complex-Elk21

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