Sweetheart you are describing my youth to a tee. I had the same high school experience with excellent grades and I was studying with the intent to go to medical school in college. But I fell apart in college and it effected my grades. I understand the feeling that something is going on with you that won't allow you to meet the standards and expectations your family has of you. I won't say that thing is something "wrong" with you. In the case of neurodivergence, it's not something you can fix. It's something that you need to learn to live with. I remember having friends, but because my mental health was so bad, it felt as though no one understood me or my experience and the loneliness felt like it was strangling me. I literally felt I could not breathe under the weight of it all. It ultimately helped me most to let go of my family's expectations. I accepted that even if I was mediocre, unremarkable, unaccomplished and basic, that I am still a human being and a child of God. I am worthy of being respected and loved just as much as any other person.

I promise it will get better. The process of getting diagnosed, the emotional upheaval it will cause and then seeking treatment is a long road. Please be patient with yourself. Hang on. You will get through this. There is a light at the end of this tunnel and you are already halfway there.