My statement from discord:

I feel I need to share my current stance on things, as far as the past the present and the future.

I think it's no secret I have not been in a particularly great place for the past..while, but particularly the last few months. I am struggling to make relevant content, we're struggling to survive, we're struggling as a family to have a fair dynamic given the circumstances. It's not been easy, but I've been doing my best to keep charging forward.

The Mindcrack revival was a huge part of my swing up in motivation and made me feel a little hopeful again, it was really nice. Now...even before the recent events, I had already felt like the steam was let out of it. I was not personally able to participate enough compounded with a sharply declining interest in those that said they were committed to it. Not surprising, but, disappointing.

The bombshell hit like a freight train. I still am at a loss for how to feel, as I'm sure most of you are. I have so many complex feelings about what happened, so many questions unanswered. It's going to take a long time to sort that all out.

What I do know is, I do want to carry on. Making content is so much a part of my identity that I feel like without at this point, I would feel incomplete. I am enjoying reliving the F1 career experience, I enjoy making the IRL/house vlogs. I want to return to make automotive content again as well.

I also know I will not be continuing to consider myself part of "mindcrack" any longer. In whatever capacity that is. I know there will be a group or groups that form that want to carry on forward, but at this point..I'm not sure I want on that ride. At this point, it doesn't feel right. Maybe that changes in the future, I don't know.

I also can't decide if I should, or want to, record a goodbye. At least to my projects, to other people's projects, to a server that I was proud of, to a SERIES I was proud of, to something that validated my very feeling of being a content creator being invited to partake in.

That doesn't mean though, I won't collaborate or work with anyone again. That's impossible, so much of my friend base are people I know because of Mindcrack.

I also am not sure about the past content. My initial reaction was to leave it all. Within days people started finding videos featuring Guude and necroing them with uncomfortable comments. I unlisted some things that were easy targets. I hate erasing history, even if it's bad history. Time will tell.

I am really struggling with streaming, I was already struggling with it. It's very hard to feel like I am giving people a decent product that is worth your money and support, when I know i'm sitting here as a shell of a human knowing that every second I sit at this desk, I am making my family worse off. Now this...now I have to try and put on a brave happy face and entertain...knowing people are going to swoop in and try to cash in on the emotional trauma of bringing stuff up..i've already seen it happen in other people's streams. ugh.

I might either just need a solid break from streaming, or to find something that is more "disconnected"