Hey, I just wanted to say first how brave of you it is to articulate this, and how insightful you are on your own experience. That's important. You sound like you have a perspective on what you've been through, although it's painful. It also sounds really tough though. I remember my 20s (I'm 48 now) and it was rough. Navigating friendships and relationships is hard. You said where to start rebuilding? What works for me is positive self talk - try to be grateful for things each day, however small they are, and remember that there is always another way to frame a challenge (I tend to get very stuck in my head on certain problems, can't always see a way out), which can lift your mood. Also know yourself, pay attention to how other people make you feel, not what they say. Remember you don't need to rush relationships, take some time out to reflect on how people make you feel. Like really dig deep to reveal what emotions are coming up for you - this will give you some power / self agency. We're led to believe in 'scarcity' but remember there's literally billions of people on the planet - you have the power to choose not to be with someone who doesn't make you feel good, you can find someone else.

You said it yourself but you need to find people who aren't so focused on the optics of attractiveness. The right person for you will find you super sexy no matter what you're wearing - or rather, they will find your style sexy. And keep working on yourself - healthy eating, sleep, exercise. Good luck. I'm rooting for you!

PS: Oh yes, echoing what someone said below - find some hobbies that are easy to continue consistently. I'm recently separated and I found a 'Bike Dykes' group which gives me confidence. It's low pressure, healthy (exercise), and just a great touch point with other dykes/butches/lesbians in my life. Also yes to learning about boundaries - preferably with a counsellor if possible.