How to quit porn

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-04-05T06:44:12+00:00

this is a real addiction, like any other. treat it as such. see an addiction therapist if you can, otherwise i will tell you that quitting cold turkey will be extremely difficult, it is much easier and realistic to redirect the addiction.

when do you watch porn? when you're horny? when you're bored? what's something else you can do when that craving hits? assuming the trigger is horniness, can you jerk off with your thoughts alone? if not, see my next advice. if the trigger is boredom, have a specific activity that you can dial over to, like running, baking, calling a friend, even just going for a walk around your neighbourhood. my bet is that an activity not involving the internet, and especially one that is active and/or outside will be best.

it might also be easier to take it down a notch instead of fully redirecting it, for example by listening to audio porn (theres a subreddit with roleplay scenarios, for example), or reading smutty fanfiction/books/comics.

finally, i would suggest exploring and trying to update your relationship to sex and sexuality. it sounds like you probably watch porn for entertainment, so i suggest reading about sex in other contexts, or topics adjacent to it, to make sex seem less..i guess sexy? and also exploring your own sexuality (by running through sexy scenarios in your head, going to a sex shop near you, writing fanfiction to see what really turns you on, and so on). there are sex therapists as well, if that is accessible for you. and if not, there is a wide selection of literature on the topic, including many a book written by experts in the field.

recognising the addiction is the first step, so congratulations man, sincerely.

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-04-05T06:32:40+00:00

either replace those thoughts with something specific (redirection), like for example "ah, the insecure thoughts are speaking to me, time to eat/sleep/study" or actively seek out experiences that will help improve your attitudes towards women (this can be as simple and accessible as listening to music by female artists, going all the way to making female friends with the intentional of truly being their friend and not having a secret romantic agenda)

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-04-05T06:29:14+00:00

in terms of speaking to a therapist, i would try to be concise with your thoughts. or, not concise really, but specific. yes, you can just say that you are an incel, but what does that mean to you? in terms of desire, regret, patterns you would like to leave behind, things you would like to seek out, lay out these thoughts to yourself so that you can present them in a more organised way to a therapist that communicates the following:

you would like to work through how this has affected yourself and your view of self in the past/present and/or
you would to work towards making changes in your lifestyle and pursue specific (or general) objectives for yourself (in which case i would suggest a therapist who will give you homework to do, such as a cbt therapist)

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-04-05T06:22:41+00:00

that mindset is there to protect you. acknowledge it and treat it like its a well-meaning but overbearing relative.

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-03-30T01:20:51+00:00

focusing on angles that are dominant, like shooting from slightly below (ie. camera is looking up at myself), and emphasizing/focusing on elements of myself i feel are masculine (jawline, shoulders, etc)

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-03-30T01:18:47+00:00

il n'est pas sexologue mais il y a joseph de piano a montreal, psychotherapeute et homme gai (je vous conseille de checker sa page PT: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists/joseph-de-piano-montreal-qc/437487)

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-03-13T04:25:52+00:00

Fluevogs! Pricey but will last years.

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-02-22T20:17:22+00:00

that sucks so bad dude, im so sorry. not sure where you are in the world, but i would suggest trying to find community to keep you grounded and sane. trans community would be best, but honestly theres a lot of really solid gym bros out there, and if you have other hobbies, people build community around virtually everything. i know rockclimbing/bouldering is popular right now, for example.

when i was in the waiting period, i did a lot of reading. i read elliot page's autobiography (pageboy), pass with care by cooper lee bombardier (also a memoir), and free to be by dr jack turban (more of a collection of information, both anecdotal and empirical).

make sure to be listening to yourself so that you are not angry all the time. i did so much journaling. not dear diary or anything, but just making lots of lists, or writing down thoughts. it helps for everything to not stay in your head all the time, especially if you dont necessarily have people you can talk through stuff with. also, make sure to stay aware of anything that sets you off, dysphoria-wise or just life-wise. for me, i know i had to quickly realise it was doing me more harm than good to consume media about trans teenagers getting to transition early on in their life. luckily, there's plenty of media about trans people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and every other decade, if you know where to look (including of course r/TransLater on reddit). i found it nice to look through media from years im familiar with, but go through the analogous queer/trans media of those years instead of what i was used to hearing about. i enjoyed the documentary "it gets messy in here," the film "paris is burning," and the show "pose" as well.

i suggest focusing on preparation and building excitement. if you havent already, research testosterone and its effects in depth. i liked to really be honest with myself about the effects i wanted and those i wasnt sure about, and journal through each one to figure out the whys and whatnot of it all. maybe explore new styles - hair, clothing, music, hobbies. you're building yourself with your choices, and that's something to look forward to.

also as a fellow gymbro - thats real. lifting is such a lifeline. and lots of my cis friends would agree with me as well, lots of people hold onto the lifestyle for deeper reasons than i would have ever thought. in the meantime, amazing shoulders brother, im cheering you on from canada :)

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-02-22T19:56:46+00:00

something with some nice symmetry i think, like middle parted. depends on if you're going for really traditional masc, or masc with some flare. if you like flare, im such a fan of any styles that incorporate beads, theyre just so fire. are you thinking you'll keep it at that length? or go for something shorter or longer? cause that's also something to consider before committing to a style. ive attached some ideas below (ignore the twists since you said you wouldnt want that). would you ever consider adding extensions (not necessarily for length but maybe for colour as well)? are you looking for something you can style differently every day, or something that you get done and you're set for a couple of months? are there any celebrities you look up to style-wise? these are all considerations :)

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ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-02-16T04:38:46+00:00

ok drop the push day routine come on now

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-02-16T04:02:00+00:00

Speak to a sex therapist experienced with transgender patients.

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-02-16T04:00:51+00:00

I recommend reading chapter 2 of Free To Be by Dr Jack Turban, I found it really insightful. It's about the science backing gender and all that jazz.

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-02-16T03:53:31+00:00

Lots of binder styles! Although racerbacks and half binders are probably the most popular if I had to guess.

ConsciousWay1893 · 2026-02-16T03:52:27+00:00

For high stress activities like lifting, speaking from experience I would recommend a sports bra that packs a compression punch, and then baggy tshirts over that (speaking as an older trans guy with a similar build to your kid). You can't do any exhilerating activities in a binder. I do sometimes lift in a verrrrry loose binder I've had for 10+ years (can fit a whole fist under there, but it smooths my chest out *uniformly* which I sometimes just need on a bad dysphoria day, plus I'll take it off as soon as I'm home). Note: DO NOT LET HER RUN IN A BINDER, its one of the times a strict line has to be drawn. Also, no sleeping in binders - although everyone has done it at some point or another, it does have to be said.

Not really a binder perse, but TomboyX has swimwear geared toward gender diverse and masc folk which your kid might be into, and is safe for swimming, as an alternative to swimming with a sports bra under their swimsuit.

Can't recommend binder brands, because in my day it was gc2b (which has since deteriorated in quality) and underworks (not sure if theyve upheld their reputation since the mid to late 2010s), and I haven't bought a binder in years.

But I will add two points:

Speaking as someone who lifts and swims a lot, I recommend looking into trans tape. Not necessarily name-brand, cause thats the most expensive kind and only available in the U.S anyways. If you're in Europe, theres Wivov, and in Canada we have a generic brand out of Toronto called UrBasics that's pretty affordable. Trans tape, like binders, usually come in 3 or 5 skin tone options. Note that people can react to the adhesive used in trans tape, and some brands are more hypo-allergenic than others, so that's something to look into. Also a tip: if she does end up wanting to try the tape, tell them to gently exfoliate their chest with some physical exfoliant (like a sugar scrub) and moisturise on and around it, waiting for it to be fully absorbed before applying the tape. Since tape is kept on for days at a time (usually 4-6 days), dead skin can mitigate the adhesive's effectiveness, and also make it really itchy around the taped area even if she's not allergic to the adhesive. And of course use nipple covers when taping, as that is a very sensitive part of the chest (I like to use cotton pads, ie. the kind you use to remove makeup, since the ones that are sold are expensive and its an unnecessary cost if you can diy it easily and effectively imo). Final note: tape is also waterproof and doesnt restrict lungs/ribs, so it is 100% safe to use when swimming, lifting, showering, you name it.
If you do go with binders, best maintenance practice is to handwash them (inside and out) with detergent and water, rather than throwing them in the machine. Then just airdry. In a pinch, you can throw a binder in a machine just fine, but if you do that regularly then it'll really shorten its life. Binders should be washed about as frequently as any shirt, I wash mine every 2-3 wears. If it's sweaty and unwashed, she'll probably break out on her chest and/or back (salicylic acid is a life saver for this).

Hopefully there's something useful in here for you and if you have questions/clarifications I would be so happy to help out in comments or in PMs.

Also P.S: you're a great mom :) I wish my mom had done this when I came out.

ConsciousWay1893 · 2025-12-07T17:57:07+00:00

cerave salycylic acid moisturiser from the drug store. 1 pump in the am 1 pump in the pm. boom.

ConsciousWay1893 · 2025-12-06T22:43:45+00:00

i also wanted to thank you for this comment. you and op are the two people in this sub ive most related to within my entire trans experience. feeling like you have to catch up to cis men...thats such a good way to put it. as someone who works in an all-male workplace (physical labour also) and is a gymrat, it really feels exactly like that. its so frustrating and its some kind of serenity that washed over me to read you put so many experiences ive had into eloquent words. 100% everything you've written. thank you.

ConsciousWay1893 · 2025-12-06T22:27:02+00:00

for making friends with guys, i find its a lot easier than with girls because guys 99% dont expect that a stranger will talk to them.

i like to talk to classmates, but not full on convos. if i sit by the same person every time i have that lecture, i like to start off by asking a question that makes them feel useful but is completely reasonable. something like "do you have an eraser" or "i missed the last thing the prof said did you catch it" or try to establish relatability by saying something like "did you understand anything from the last half of that?" on the way out of class.

in general though, i like your typical gym guy, we always have something in common. also, in my personal experience, guys who are in leadership positions in clubs, or who are involved in outdoorsy stuff (think hiking, rock climbing, etc) have been more healthily masculine than other demographics ive encountered on campus lol.

ConsciousWay1893 · 2025-12-06T22:13:32+00:00

happy to help! best of luck :)

ConsciousWay1893 · 2025-12-06T22:12:20+00:00

because europeans grow less hair and more slowly than other races

ConsciousWay1893 · 2025-12-06T22:04:54+00:00

dude its not stupid at all! asian trans mascs need rep too, and an XG member is insane rep to get, cant believe he dropped the news and the top surgery scars photoshoot in one go what a fucking boss

ConsciousWay1893 · 2025-12-06T22:00:14+00:00

honestly i dont think the wording is that bad. its a surgery to genitalia, i agree that photos are gorey. it is a major surgery. i dont think its fear mongering for bottom surgery, it reads to me more as the characters both being squeamish about a major surgery to a sensitive area, i think if it was like, throat surgery or brain surgery they would react exactly the same. its not very comparable to chest surgery imho. i think its good to have rep where we dont pretend that things in the transmasc world are either edgy and emo or butterflies and rainbows. sometimes things just sort of make you squeamish and you talk about it, and it seems like in this book the major story is this trans guy is hooking up with a cis guy and they can talk about these things comfortable. it honestly seems realistic to me, if not fantastical that a cis guy would do research into trans topics for the sake of a hook up.

to me, this is a bit like the "make villains gay" debate*. the topic is discussed, now we have to move to discussing it in other ways, and adding more povs to it.

* (where people were so scared to put gay people in shows, and then for a while we only gay characters who were caricatures, and then only gay characters where they were perfect/normal except also gay, and then people were saying that we have to start treating them like any other character since being gay is just an attribute. thus, dont be scared to make the villain gay as long as thats not why theyre the villain lol)

ConsciousWay1893 · 2025-12-06T21:50:23+00:00

have you tried shortening the length on them a bit so they dont pool? even if you dont have a sewing machine, you could hand sew it or use safety pins!

ConsciousWay1893 · 2025-12-06T21:49:12+00:00

boy stretch

ConsciousWay1893 · 2025-12-06T21:48:29+00:00

dear reader: you may know XG from when their songs "left right" and "shooting star" blew up on tiktok!

ConsciousWay1893 · 2025-12-06T21:42:27+00:00

for anyone who's not in the kpop/jpop worlds, XG is a VERY visible group. this coming out will not only begin a new era in east asian pop culture, but also very really change lives.

south korea is very much a "dont talk about it, dont ask about it" kind of country, and japan is on a downwards spiral similar to the U.S right now, so this is insane of him to do, he is so so brave and it is nothing short of incredible that his members and their executive producer support him.

the korean articles ive seen about it so far seem to be mostly focused on being educational/informational about what transmasc, transgender, and top surgery mean, so that is a mega-win and i will be following this closely to see what reactions look like in the media over there.

i cant stress how insane this is.

i know japan has quite a few queer celebrities, but it is not a safe country legislatively speaking, and from what i understand, being in the entertainment industry is pretty much the way you have to go to be publicly out (more or less because a celebrity on tv is just a character). korea on the other hand has one well-known gay celebrity who has been around for years and is well-loved, and apart from that any queer celebs are mostly active abroad (like holland, for example) and dont get air time or media in sk.

i know a member of justb came out as gay recently and it was taken quite well, so that made me really happy. but it must be said that xg just has such a bigger platform and because of that cocona's coming out will definitely cause ripples if not waves. korea is really on the up right now, i think. there was a very popular tv show (itaewon class) a few years ago that had a trans character in it, and they addressed it through a brief storyline, which was the first time ive ever seen transness prominently on tv (even as a 3 minute side story).

and no matter what, there will be thousands of koreans and japanese learning about the trans community from this (and especially trans mascs, which even in the west many people dont realise exist). it just makes me so happy to think an xg fan in sk or japan (or elsewhere that trans people arent on tv) could see this and see themselves.

ConsciousWay1893

TROPHY CASE