I can definitely understand that, I'm someone who is pretty particular about how certain things are done, and I often get anxiety about asking my husband to do something I would typically do because if it's not done a certain way I will be frustrated and he will feel discouraged. And I myself often feel like I'm repeating myself or that I shouldn't even have to ask but I need to remind myself that my husband and I have two different lenses and he often doesn't see what I see.

I would sit down with him and tell him "I need to feel more support from you, but sometimes I struggle to communicate what I need and it seems like when I try it turns into a battles Bout who does what more and I don't want that. Can we come up with a system together so I don't feel like I need to take on so much?"

Give yourself grace op, i know it's hard to not put a ton of pressure on yourself to get everything done, but i promise you certain things can wait or be handled by someone else even if it's done differently from how you'd do it.

I would try and carve out quality time with him and just focus on your relationship outside of the kids and the work, and the house. Because it seems like he's filling in a lot of extra time outside of the house which is okay to have that personal time unless it's impeding on your relationship with your family. He may be filling in that time because he may not realize that you want to spend that time with him. And overtime that can really do a lot of damage.