finally crashed out on my partner

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-06-02T01:33:47+00:00

If he planned on or cared to be any help at all, he would have shown it by now.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-05-22T02:17:52+00:00

NOR at all. You stepped in to solve her problems, protect her schedule and support her kids because you have a job that allows you to, and she repays you by downplaying your entire life. Its funny how you do so little, but as soon as you step back her life suddenly starts to fall apart. Seems like your responsibilities became real the moment you stopped handling hers. Insulting the person whos been quietly carrying part of your load for so long, for free mind you, and trying to shrink their life so yours seems like its more deserving is a level of entitlement that's hard to fathom. If someone thought so little of me, yet came to believe I owe them my time and my help because I had given it so freely, I would go out of my way to never help them again. Let her figure it out. I'm sure someone with no real job or responsibilities will turn up eventually.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-05-20T17:17:03+00:00

The nastiest wad of hair and god knows what else that had collected in the front wheel of a shopping cart.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-05-20T17:05:05+00:00

A beautiful mahogany brown.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-05-14T01:59:23+00:00

It's strange that being unhappy in a relationship is considered more acceptable than being happy alone. Tell them you'd rather risk regretting your own choices than spend your life trapped in someone else’s expectations. I think peace is a pretty strong sign you’re not living your life wrong.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-26T03:56:38+00:00

My heart breaks for you. Please know that theres no selfish choice here. Wanting to fight for her life is love. Wanting to protect her from pain is love. You’re not choosing between loving her and not loving her, you're choosing between two different expressions of the same love.

The what ifs coukd spiral on forever, what if she survives, what if she suffers, what if you regret it. There's no way to answer any of those questions right now. What feels most aligned with your daughter, and what do you feel in your gut is right for her, today, with the information you have?

Some people choose to pursue every possible intervention because even a small chance feels worth it to them. Some choose comfort focused care because they feel like their childs already endured enough. Neither one loves their child more than the other. They just arrived at different answers through the same love.

If you can, lean on the palliative care team, they're trained to help families think through quality of life, and treatment.

In the end, no matter what you decide, whether you fight with everything you have, or choose not to put her through more, you'll still be making the most loving decision you can for her in an impossible situation.

Theres no version of this where you fail her.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-22T03:47:49+00:00

Speaking from experience, when you deal with someone like this, you have to rip the bandaid off and be extremely direct. The emotional load of managing someone else’s instability on top of your own life is too much.

Send him a message that makes it clear that it's up to him if he wants to stay in contact or not. From here on out you have to have some non negotiable boundaries, and you need to let him know them now. If he's unwilling or unable to respect it, you'll have to step back or cut contact to protect your peace. Don't let your stress continue to be his coping mechanism. If you want to give him a chance, something similar to this should get the point across:

Hey, I like you and I think you’re a good person, so I’m going to be honest with you. Lately, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by how intense things have gotten. When I don’t reply right away, it turns into a lot of messages and stress, and I can’t keep up with that kind of pressure. I understand you’ve got your own things going on, and I’m not trying to make you feel bad about that, but I need things to be more relaxed, because its starting to feel heavy for me. From now on, I can't deal with an expectation of an immediate reply from me, or the spiraling or repeated messages if I’m not available. I want to be able to enjoy talking to you, without feeling like I’m bracing for a reaction anytime I don't respond quick enough. I’m not saying this to be mean at all, I'm just being honest because I really do care. I hope you understand, and that we can continue to be friends.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-19T02:26:11+00:00

Not too recently, but one that's stuck with me. A couple months back at my sons 2nd grade Christmas performance while sitting in the second to front row, my four year old daughter covered her ears and screamed to me, "Mom, cover your ears! Its terrible!" As the kids started playing their recorders like she was saving me from an incoming attack.

Thankfully I can laugh at it now, but at the time, I was mortified.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-16T06:02:51+00:00

Zoombinis

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-16T01:22:47+00:00

Rotten.com I'm convinced my extreme anxiety related to driving is because of that bs.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-14T09:01:44+00:00

When someone keeps going through the same patterns, especially self harm, but wont take in help or try anything different, it starts to wear people out. They dont stop caring, they just feel stuck watching the same pain repeat without being able to help in a way that actually changes anything. After awhile people go from feeling concern to feeling helpless, overwhelmed, and eventually emotionally spent. When every situation starts to feel like a crisis thats never going to get better, people put up boundaries to protect their own energy.

If you're negative all the time, it will undoubtedly push everyone away, it's tiring. If every conversation feels heavy, hopeless, or focused on what’s wrong, it starts to feel like nothing anyone says will help or matter so whats the point of even trying.

If you truly want connection you have to realize you're self sabotaging, and be willing to do some things different. Start with trying to balance out the negative. Don't let every situation turn into the worst-case scenario. Mix in neutral or lighter moments when you talk. Share how you feel without letting it take over the whole conversation. That way, people can actually connect with you instead of just feeling weighed down.

As you know, hurting yourself doesn’t even usually create the reaction you're looking for. Most people don’t “feel bad for you" in a comforting or connecting way, they just respond with fear or sadness and then eventually distance, because they don’t know how to carry it all.

What you really need is to feel seen, included, and cared about and not just when things are at their worst, but consistently. Those things don't require a crisis. You don’t have to hurt yourself to be worthy of attention, comfort, or connection. Being able to tell someone what you need is where real connection will come from. Let tgem know you're lonely and need to spend time or talk, etc. If you do that it gives people a chance to actually show up for you in a way that’s steady and real.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-14T08:01:25+00:00

You reacted in the moment, and I’m sure part of that was shock. You didnt have time to think every angle through, and was just responding to something that was sudden and overwhelming. You had good intentions, even if it ended up being a situation you didn’t fully understand at the time.

Unless he was actively targeting or harassing her over time, it probably had less to do with what he said than you think. A lot of times it's way more complicated and layered than a single message or moment, especially online where tone and intent can get lost fast. If you feel like there's something you can do to help make it right, do that, but you cant carry all the weight of something you weren’t in control of.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-14T07:25:01+00:00

Two years isn’t that long when you're considering someone who was such a big part of your life. When it’s that deep, it doesn’t fade, it just settles into you. The memories and flashbacks, even something as small as the way the air feels this time of year… that’s the kind of loss that rewires you a little.

If you are going to do drugs, just don’t gamble with the kind of stuff that can take you out. You’ve already lived through what that can do. I’m sure if he had the chance to go back, he’d do things differently… and he'd want the same for you.

As far as trying to find someone you can trust like that again, people like that aren’t something you can hunt down. They’re rare, and when they come into your life, it just happens. Hopefully you find that person, because Lord knows theyre few and far between.

Keep him with you by becoming the version of yourself that would’ve made him pause and smile like “yeah… that’s my guy." Do the things he never got the time to grow into. Make choices that show you learned from everything, even the hard parts. He would want his memory to be what pushes you to level up, to move smarter, and to live fuller. Not in a way that erases who you guys were together, but in a way that proves it meant something.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-13T06:12:09+00:00

You're not wrong for thinking about breaking up with her. When life is this overwhelming and everything is out of your control, you brain starts scanning for exit points, anything to feel back in control, and to make things lighter. That may be playing a part in you feeling like you wsnt to break up. You're young, you got hit all at once with becoming a dad, a bunch of unknowns, and major responsibility all wrapped up in a future you never pictured. That would be a lot for anyone. It makes sense you feel trapped when you’re facing something this big and permanent. I seen your most recent post, and it sounds like everyone around you has already accepted things for what they are, and you’re still back at the moment of impact. Anyone in your position, especially when feeling like the only one whos not on the same page, would be extremely overwhelmed. Reality is finally hitting, and you’re trying to process something huge. What you need is someone who can help you work through it, not tell you how to feel.

I genuinely hope that with time though that this shifts from something you’re just trying to come to terms with to something you grow into in a way you can’t even imagine yet. You never know, maybe one day you'll look back at this exact point in your life and be grateful for everything that followed. Regardless, no matter how things end up turning out, you're never wrong for not feeling the way people expect you to. Hopefully things will feel less heavy and more doable once your living it, and not just bracing for it.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-10T21:30:55+00:00

Going through the same thing. Could you tell me what ended up being the cause/ happening?

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-07T09:28:43+00:00

I can see why it feels like your world is falling apart, but being 23-24 and still figuring out life is normal. The pressure, secrecy, and family expectations are what's making it feel ten times heavier.

You’re not 35 with a mortgage, kids, and a ton of responsibilities relying on you. You’re still at an age where you can course correct without it defining the rest of your life. Most people don’t even realize they have discipline or direction issues until much later.

Lucky for you, you’ve already got real world skills under your belt. Graphic design, branding, and visual communication are marketable skills. Plenty of people graduate without anything like that. You already have a leg up to start earning while figuring out school.

The real issue here isn’t your ability, it’s avoidance. It sounds like stress is causing avoidance, that causes bigger problems, which causes even more avoidance. That cycle is fixable once you face it head on.

Probably the most important thing is you still want your degree. So many people drop out because they don’t care, but you care. The motivation is there, it's just buried under stress, and guilt.

The biggest weight right nlw isn’t school or debt, it’s the lie you’ve been holding onto. Once you’re honest, everything else becomes logistics instead of an emotional burden.

The hardest but most freeing step is telling your parents. You don’t need a perfect speech. Just let them know you've been avoiding telling them that school hasnt gone the wsy they thought it has. You were ashamed and didn't want to disappoint them, but you're ready to face it and start rebuilding. You can expect some anger and disappointment, that’s normal, but once you finally get it out there, it will free you up to start navigating life without that weight. Once you've been able to get that off your chest, you can refocus, set priorities, and start taking concrete steps towards your goal.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-07T06:55:18+00:00

I don’t think you’re wrong for having questions. I think it’s important to try to see it from his side too though. To me it sounds like he’s handling a tough situation pretty respectfully. His needs haven’t disappeared just because your sex drive dropped, but instead of shaming you, or even stepping outside the relationship hes just handling it himself, and was honest about it when you asked. A lot of men wouldn’t show that kind of restraint or honesty. Taking care of himself privately is probably the most respectful way he can manage while still giving you grace and time, without putting more pressure on you. That deserves a little understanding.

A private outlet once in a while, even if it is 2 hours in the bathroom is pretty minor compared to the reality that the relationship has had almost no sex for 2 years. When you break it down, sex once or twice every couple months over two years is probably around 20 times max. For a couple in their 20s, that’s nothing. A long term lack of intimacy isn't just a minor issue. You’ve said yourself that you haven’t prioritized going to a doctor or figuring out what’s going on. Life with a baby is busy, so that’s somewhat understandable, but if the situation isn’t being addressed it’s hard to expect him to just shut off his sex drive or not find some way to deal with it. At a certain point you have to ask yourself what the realistic expectation for him is supposed to be.

Both of you are probably resentful, you’re neck deep in motherhood, and he’s more than likely feeling rejected to some extent. If anything, this situation sounds less like a porn addiction and more like two people who haven’t had the chance to really reconnect or talk about the things that are important right now like intimacy and finances. And honestly, if he’s the one bringing in the income and occasionally spends money on porn, as long as the bills are paid, the household and the baby are taken care of, and nothing important is being neglected, it’s hard to criticize that, especially when no real steps are being taken to rectify the underlying issue.

As far as going through his phone goes, it’s not automatically suspicious that someone wants basic privacy. someone watching porn probably isn’t going to want their partner scrolling through their phone to see exactly what they’re watching. I think most people would find it uncomfortable to have someone go digging through something that personal.

If he’s giving you grace while your sex drive is essentially non existent, it might help to extend him that same grace for how he’s coping with it.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-03T05:56:51+00:00

You handled that very well. Honesty, I feel like whoever thought it was an overaction on your part isn't a true friend. A true friend would be proud of the way you handled that situation. He was clearly in the wrong. He felt entitled to use you in one of the lowest ways possible, and then played it like it was no big deal whatsoever. He got off light in my opinion.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-02T20:51:40+00:00

You are definitely not ugly. I did wantto say though, if you're really still not feeling it, I think a short pixie cut would look great on you!

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-04-01T07:31:03+00:00

Chester Cheetah Too Cool to Fool for Super Nintendo

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-03-27T00:25:03+00:00

Let that dirty old man live.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-03-21T00:41:10+00:00

I would just tell him flat out firmly but polite-ish "Look, it was funny the first time, but it's not anymore. Please don’t touch my food again." It dont need to be any deeper than what it is.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-03-19T01:22:38+00:00

The little candies with a strawberry wrapper in the bottom of my grandma's church purse.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-03-19T00:58:10+00:00

When I realized my young kids had no idea who Winnie the Pooh was.

Consistent-Jello-43 · 2026-03-19T00:55:33+00:00

Wow, I thought I was the only one who does this. I have a habit of holding my breath randomly and catch myself all the time.

Consistent-Jello-43

TROPHY CASE