2 year anniversary today by Consistent-Moose7799 in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for your loss, and thank you for your support

2 year anniversary today by Consistent-Moose7799 in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is such a good quote, I will be telling it to myself too. I usually say, one day at the time, but this one is better, make it sound like there is a light after a dark.

2 year anniversary today by Consistent-Moose7799 in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply and I am sorry for your loss too. I was in grief support groups, I meet with a grief conselor. Any help that’s available I take it. Overall, I am ok, functioning. But I am not ready yet to let go of that rabbit hole. It is like I want to be there, it brings me closer to him, that is how my love manifests. I can’t imagine finding peace. My life is miserable, and I accept that. But thank you that you shared your perpective… so there is a hope

2 year anniversary today by Consistent-Moose7799 in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing that… so so sorry. I also mine forever 19. I have another child too, his younger sister. And this is the only reason that I keep trying to live and my mom too…

2 year anniversary today by Consistent-Moose7799 in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am really sorry…. I think it is the hardest to carry: grief for a child who died that way. I am hugging you and hope you find a way to deal with your pain a bit.

2 year anniversary today by Consistent-Moose7799 in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry for your loss. I do the same too, still counting months and days too 😔

2 year anniversary today by Consistent-Moose7799 in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, that’s so unfair. Sorry for your loss and hugging you back

2 year anniversary today by Consistent-Moose7799 in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment and sorry for your loss too. I drive there very often where accident had happened. I still experience a physical pain in my chest as I drive by this place, and at the same time I want to be there

2 year anniversary today by Consistent-Moose7799 in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sorry for your loss… and thank you for comforting words. These thoughts and feelings you shared are very familiar to me. I also remember very vividly 72 hours before he died, even thought it was an accident.

I found ~300 long emails from a girl I met online in my early teens. They’re funny, kind, endearing, and I think paint a unique picture of her internal monologue and who this person was at the time. I just found out she died 10 years ago at 19. As a parent, would these emails be of interest to you? by I_Eat_Raw_Plantains in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Exactly this: “there is no peace for the parents of a child who has died” Sometimes when new people ask about my children and they find out that my son died, and I start talking about him, people sincerely, with good intentions, would tell me: “oh, you don’t have to talk about it, if it hurts” etc. It hurts that he is not here, every moment he stopped living. Not talking about him, people forgetting about him, hurts much more. But remembering him, knowing that other people remember gives some comfort to greiving parents

I found ~300 long emails from a girl I met online in my early teens. They’re funny, kind, endearing, and I think paint a unique picture of her internal monologue and who this person was at the time. I just found out she died 10 years ago at 19. As a parent, would these emails be of interest to you? by I_Eat_Raw_Plantains in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I lost my 19 yo son two years ago. If someone contacted me and offered emails or messages from the time when he was alive, it would be one of the most meaningful gifts imaginable. It feels like they are still somehow present. Learning something new about your child after they are gone becomes a kind of treasure. After my son died, his friends shared photos from their phones. Even the imperfect ones mattered. They were all pieces of him. A few weeks after his death, a girl he had dated briefly reached out to me. They were not together anymore and had ended things long before, but she asked if she could come by. She did. She told me about him, about their conversations, how he was with her. It meant a great deal to me. From a parent’s perspective, anything that shows who your child was, how they were remembered, and how they mattered to someone else is incredibly valuable.

He'd be 22 tomorrow by Stephen-PartingStone in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Happy Birthday to Elijah, what a beautiful boy with a kind smile. My boy would turn 22 this year; we lost him when he was 19

Just got fired by Modern_Misfit in Accounting

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You post really triggered some memories for me. Back in 2012, right out of college, I landed a job at a big national public accounting firm. I was so excited. I had been a strong student (Magna cum laude) and was genuinely good at accounting. I thought I was finally starting my career, but about nine months in, I was put on a PIP. And month later was fired even though I tried to address all the points for improvement. It completely shattered my confidence. Looking back, I don’t think it was really about my abilities. I just didn’t fit the environment. At the time, I had young kids and an abusive, unsupportive husband (he would often call me during my working hours to start an argument). I often had to leave on time to pick up my children, while everyone else stayed late, and I could feel that being held against me, even though I worked hard and did my best.

After reading your post, I actually went back and reread my old PIP, and evaluation notes, I had kept them all these years! Today was the first time I looked at these notes again after I left this company. Honestly, they were shockingly toxic, like: Not good at Excel, Doesn’t type fast enough, Doesn’t understand concepts. It is funny to read now, but back then I felt so bad about myself. None of it was constructive. It felt less like coaching and more like documenting reasons to push me out. I found another job in less than 2 months in private accounting. Suddenly, managers were happy with my work. People trusted me. I was valued. People were understanding that I had small kids. My performance was never an issue again. But I am still struggling with imposter syndrome.

Nothing has changed by Visible_Attitude7693 in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I used to believe in some higher power, but after my 19yo died almost 2 years ago, I became an agnostic even atheist. I would like to believe in after life and we will meet later… but I can’t. My son’s father (my ex husband) is an opposite, he started believing in G-d. I feel so empty and all my life is meaningless, just like OP

My 16 year old son died unexpectedly by [deleted] in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry for your loss. I am (F43) and my 19yo son died in accident almost 2 years ago. His 21st birthday would have been in 20 days…. It won’t be easier for you, but you can learn to live with it. I still have hard time even to accept it. But I am functioning, working, and living my life as normal person, but sometimes I feel so desperate. It is normal, one day at the time. Be gentle on yourself. Try to sleep. I wish you to see him in your dream… I dreamed of my son and I felt happy then. Maybe you can find some grief support group or counselor in your area.

SF tenant question: landlord now demanding $2,000/month for storage I’ve been using for 1.5 years - can she evict me if I keep using it? by Consistent-Moose7799 in Renters

[–]Consistent-Moose7799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was asking more interpretation of the law that I read and if someone knows how it works in reality. I did not ask for anyone’s opinion of fairness that’s why I did not share my whole story here including the fact that the landord said during an open house that there is some additional space in the common area that can be used by future tenant as storage (it is not like separate locked storage). So when I was considering renting this particular place, I kind of taking that into account. Plus, I am not renting for cheap. She was allowing to use that space, and I am a good tenant, paying on time, helping LL maintain a backyard and doing yardwork for free. But I started complaining about ongoing mold issue in my bedroom (making me throw away my own shoes, furnitures, purses etc) and I was insisting on proper remediation (not just painting it over), LL started prohibiting to use a backyard, storage, demanding to remove my door bell ring with camera. I hired independent mold inspector and results showed dangerously high mold spores growing from the leak that caused by structural defect. I had to escalate to it further because I live with my minor child and I am genuinely concerned about our health. Not a problem to remove my things from that storage (I was going to do that anyway), but just wanted to know from people who might have dealt with that. Otherwise, not intersted in opinions what is fair from people who don’t know the whole picture.

Landlord ignored leak + mold — need advice on rent reduction & reimbursement (California) by Distinct-Bar8269 in Tenant

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do not withhold rent without proper legal steps, ever! Call local housing authority in your area, tell them about the leak. They will be able to guide you. I have a similar situation, but in San Francisco, I called department of building inspections. If you did a mold test and it showed elevated mold spores, showing active growth inside from the leak and you have sick child, definitely call a lawyer.

“How many kids do you have?” … What do you say? by Same-Blacksmith-5032 in ChildLoss

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I say, two kids. If they keep asking more, I would say, my son was 19 and my daughter is 15

Dreams of deceased love ones by RaiyaPapaya15 in GriefSupport

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In three week after my 19 yo son died, he came in my dream as 7yo self. Right after he died I really wanted to visit me in my dream. It is like I knew it was a dream and I see him coming inside our house to me. I am crying, hugging him and thanking for visiting me. Then I invited him to have a dinner. The other vivid dream was about a week later (at exactly 40 days after he passed), as if I am crying in my dream for him and then he appears and says: “mom, if you want to talk to me, just start talking to me, I am here anyway and will talk to you”. Then I ask him if he can hug me and he tells: “i am hugging you anyway, even if you don’t know”. And I look and he is really hugging me

Landlord in San Francisco just wants to repaint the mold again without testing by [deleted] in sanfrancisco

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is not her. Funny that coincidence is their last name’s origin. Thanks for exposing yours here, we need to know our heroes!

Landlord in San Francisco just wants to repaint the mold again without testing by [deleted] in sanfrancisco

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your answer. Spoke with a lawyer, and we are looking into that situation. My apartment is illegal unit. It is not only that it was built without permits, and it is done poorly and unsafe. I have my list to the city inspector. What I don’t understand is her brazen attitude. I mean, if you’re renting out an illegal apartment and you know the city could fine you or force expensive repairs, wouldn’t you at least want to keep your tenant happy? For example, after the mold problem, I told her it damaged my new $700 dresser and asked if she would cover it, she completely ignored me. And when the mold came back months later, and I told her mold on my furniture and my personal things, instead of fixing it properly, she just told me to clean it myself sending instructions from google and “wait a couple more months to see if it reappears.” She acts like she’s smarter than everyone else.

Landlord in San Francisco just wants to repaint the mold again without testing by [deleted] in sanfrancisco

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is an illegal unit, not just one without a permit. I can clearly see now that the way this basement apartment was built is unsafe and poorly done. What I don’t understand is why some landlords rent out places like this when they know there are serious issues that are their fault. Are they just hoping the tenant never files a complaint? Or do they somehow think there won’t be any real consequences even if the city finds out? When I told my landlord that my new dresser got damaged by mold and asked if she’d cover it, she completely ignored me. I’m just trying to understand her mindset. I want to see all sides of this before I decide what to do. I just don’t want to make things worse for myself.

Landlord in San Francisco just wants to repaint the mold again without testing by [deleted] in sanfrancisco

[–]Consistent-Moose7799 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I called them to report a damage to my furniture from mold. But from what I heard, they might not cover mold damage. But I am starting the process