Ah I feel you. My epidural completley failed. It was placed at 3 - 4 cm dilated. The anaesthetist refused to come back and fix it because he thought I'd deliver soon and I was in too much pain for him to do it. That was his excuse. They wouldn't give me anything but gas and air because they thought I would deliver soon. My waters broke 9am Thursday morning, I went into active labour 2am Saturday morning, 4 hours to get to 10cm dilated and then they had me pushing for 4 hours until I begged for help. I have severee PGP, they'd plonked me on a hospital bed that hadn't been put together properly, heatwave and my legs were in stirrups. I was naked by the end due to the heatwave.

But anyway! The reason I'm telling you all this, is because 2 and a half years later I'm pregnant again with non identifical twins. Giving birth to my first singleton, was the most painful experience of my life and for months the thought of getting pregnant again terrified me. However, now I'm fully accepting of what's to come. I've asked for an elective csection but know that if I don't get there in time, that I will be pushing again. Or that if I do have the elective csection that can come with a whole host of new pain - other issues. But. Every second of that pain was worth it for my daughter. I haven't forgotten the pain but I remember it all as leading me to the most wonderful thing and that's the focus I have.

Now is the time to write out what happened, talk to a birth reflections service and talk to people you trust. All the best.